Can Cheating Be Healthy for a Relationship?

It goes without saying that cheating is one of the most devastating of betrayals. But what if your relationship survives it — and actually ends up stronger in the end? Can cheating have any benefits? Experts certainly don’t condone cheating — full stop. RELATED: The Different Levels of Cheating That said, it is worth considering that the consequences can actually be positive in some situations. “Having an affair in a monogamous relationship is not advised, but good can come from it,” explains Gregory Jones, a psychologist, certified sex therapist, and founder of the Capital Center for Psychotherapy and Wellness. So, can cheating be healthy for a relationship? Here’s what experts have to say. Are There Any Benefits to Cheating? Cheating happens for a reason — very often, the person who commits the indiscretion is feeling unseen, unheard, unvalued, or unfulfilled in the relationship but is unwilling to communicate that dissatisfaction to their partner. "An infidelity will shine a spotlight on cracks in the foundation of a relationship,” says Jones. RELATED: How to Forgive After Being Cheated On In other words, if a couple tends to “sweep things under the rug,” cheating can force them to face underlying issues that may have been festering for a while. “This clarity can lead to sincere connection,” says Arkadiy Volkov, a registered psychotherapist and clinical director at Feel Your Way Therapy. Not only that, but Volkov notes that cheating can encourage both partners to be more radically honest and more vulnerable, by prompting them to more candidly discuss their fears, desires, and needs. “When couples are willing to face what’s been missing, or what’s been taken for granted in a partnership, infidelity can oftentimes be a wake-up call,” says Tammy Nelson, a certified sexologist and sex therapist, and licensed professional counselor. For example, she says, “it can open up communication around revisiting monogamy agreements with new boundaries that may better suit current needs. Frequently, these are conversations that may have been avoided for years.” It can also motivate both people to acknowledge the efforts they need to make in order to ensure their partner feels cared for, desired, and appreciated. “Betrayal is a reminder that love requires maintenance and work,” he adds. According to Sabrina Romanoff, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert at the Hily dating app, cheating can also provide an opportunity to break out of a period of stagnation in the relationship. “Couples can exist for years frozen in the resentment/withdrawal cycle until an act of infidelity, which can pull them out of their stasis,” she explains. “Infidelity often provides all couples with an ultimatum: you either put in more effort to get closer and repair your severed bond, or you break up.” Either choice, Romanoff says “is a pivotal moment of growth and brings each person closer to living more authentically with what they want for themselves and their relationship.” RELATED: People Who Cheated Reflect on What They Regret Can Cheating Be Healthy? For some couples, cheating is a rupture that destroys intimacy beyond repair. But others actually report feeling closer to each other, says Romanoff — that is, after they’ve done some serious work to rebuild trust.“In couples I've worked with, I've seen quite a few times that infidelity forces them to bring relationship issues out in the open,” says Volkov. “It could be issues that have been quietly destroying their relationship for years.” In some cases, he says, “such a crisis can become a turning point for a couple — but only when both partners are truly willing to understand what happened and to face it and do the work.” Still, let’s be clear: Just because cheating, in some cases, can have potential long-term benefits doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. RELATED: Here's How to Tell Your Partner You Cheated “It is not because of the affair that a relationship benefits — it is because of what happens afterwards,” Volkov adds. “It is less about the act itself and more about what it reveals.” Why You Shouldn’t Cheat to Change Your Relationship Ultimately, experts agree that even if cheating could have a positive impact on your relationship in the long run, you should never use it as a catalyst for change. Why put someone you love through emotional trauma, when there are so many healthier, less destructive ways to improve your relationship? “No one should ever cheat to try to fix things,” says Volkov. “It would be like burning the house down when you just want to renovate.” Besides, it’s a risky move: very often, a relationship cannot rebound from these kinds of betrayals. In fact, according to research by the American Psychological Association, more than half of married couples (53%) who experienced infidelity were divorced within 5 years — even after undergoing therapy. “Cheating in most cases initiates the process of a break up, through the pathways of broken trust, resentment, and deep hurt,” explains Romanoff. “Most couples are unable to veer off of this path once they set foot on the path of infidelity.” For these reasons, it’s better to focus on communicating issues to your partner that are prompting your temptation to cheat. And if you’re struggling to share your feelings for any reason, consider reaching out for support from a couples therapist, who can help to facilitate a productive conversation. “Betrayal won't solve the problems,” adds Volkov. “It is never a tool for growth or healing but can be an opportunity for transformation in the relationship only after the damage is done and if the people are brave enough and have enough will to confront the pain and rebuild.” You Might Also Dig: Signs That She’s Cheating, RevealedWhat Is Micro-Cheating? Understanding This Risky Relationship BehaviorThe Different Types of Cheating, Explained