After the Birth of Our Baby, I Became So Possessive She Left Me

School was never for me. I knew it from the very beginning. So about four years ago, I made a decision. I stepped away and decided to try business instead.

That decision is what led me to her.

Instead of focusing on building my customer base and growing sales, I found myself spending more time learning how to win her heart. And honestly, if you had seen her, you would have done the same. I studied her like a subject I wanted to pass with distinction. Within no time, things started looking promising. Her feelings were clearly growing, and at the same time, my business was doing very well.

Life felt like it was opening up for me.

After high school, we got pregnant. I say we because we truly carried it together. We were young. She was eighteen, and I was nineteen. Things felt uncertain and heavy, but we had enough money to take care of the pregnancy without asking anyone for help. We talked about whether to keep the baby or let it go, but when we asked ourselves why we should let it go, we could not find a real reason. Looking back now, I realize how childish and unprepared we were.

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When it was time to inform her family, I went myself to announce that I was the father of the child. My own family, however, was not told immediately. That part was intentional. I was afraid of disappointing them. Just months before, I had been their pride, bringing in money from my business. Suddenly, I was about to become a father, and they did not even know I was sexually active.

She stayed with her grandparents at first. By the time my parents found out, she was already seven months pregnant. They were angry, shocked, and full of questions I could not answer. That was how Anissa came to live with us.

Her pregnancy lasted ten months. Seven of those months were spent with her grandparents, and the last three were with me. During those three months, we truly carried the pregnancy together. I was always by her side, every day, except on Saturdays when I personally delivered goods to my clients, and Sundays when I went to church and played football afterward.

Looking back, I realize I was selfish with her. I wanted her attention completely. I did not think about how much she needed time for herself or even time to just be a mother. I only saw her as mine.

Even before childbirth, I was possessive. After childbirth, it became worse. When men looked at her or called her, I became angry. I was violent. If I am being honest, the violence had always been there, but after the baby came, it intensified. I could not handle my insecurity. I thought that providing everything for her meant she should not need anything or anyone else. What I failed to understand was that happiness is not something you can provide for someone. It is something they create for themselves.

When we walked on the streets and men looked at her, my mind would burn. Even her friends became my enemies in my head. We fought during the day. We fought at night. Our home became a battlefield.

Eventually, we reached a point where neither of us was happy.

Around that same time, my business started collapsing. It did not happen slowly. It felt like watching something fall and shatter before your eyes. I withdrew into myself. I felt useless. I felt like I was losing my identity because in my mind, a man is defined by what he can provide. When I could no longer even put food on the table, the shame ate me alive.

She wanted to support me. She really did. But my pride could not accept it. She started selling fruits, and later we did it together. Still, it was not enough to meet our needs. I could see her growing tired and frustrated. Her anger increased day by day.

Eventually, she said she wanted to go back to her family. At that point, I was also exhausted, emotionally and mentally. I did not stop her. She packed her things and left. I locked the door behind her, not because I was tired of her, but because I was tired of feeling like I had failed as a man.

She left, but the love did not disappear.

We did not say “I love you” anymore, but our actions still spoke. She sent me money when I needed help, and I did the same for her. When life became heavy for her, she would call me, and I would go and sit with her, listening quietly, offering advice without any romantic words.

I genuinely wish her well. She is beautiful, hardworking, and she deserves everything good in this world, including a good man.

What Will Make You Leave Me After Forty Years Of Marriage?

We try to keep our distance most of the time, but the truth is we have a child together, so we can never completely stay out of each other’s lives. Somehow, life always brings us back into contact, whether we plan it or not.

I have not really moved on. Not because I am still hoping we will get back together, but because I am still trying to fix myself. I am trying to rebuild my life slowly, to become a better man, so I never go through that kind of experience again.

Yes, she left during one of the hardest periods of my life. But if I am being honest with myself, I know I played a big part in it. I loved her, but I loved her in the wrong way. She stopped being my partner and became something I was trying to hold onto like a possession. I was too possessive. Too insecure. I thought that as long as I was providing money, that was enough.

When the money disappeared, everything else I had been hiding behind also fell apart. My anger showed. My insecurity showed. The kind of man I had become during that time pushed her away more than poverty ever could.

So I do not blame her anymore.

Instead, I always ask people this simple question. If you were in her shoes, would you have stayed, or would you have left too?

—Reindolf

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