WHY YOUR HUSBAND STRUGGLES TO SUSTAIN AN ERECTION

1. YOUR ATTITUDE

If you speak to him rudely, are mean and disrespectful to him or keep accusing him falsely of cheating or you act like you don't want to make love and you make him beg for it then suddenly you want it; no matter how sexy you are, he will struggle to get erect or sustain an erection for you. Solution: be warm and gentle as a woman, communicate when offend as a man 

2. STRESS

Sex starts in the mind. Once he is anxious about something, the man will struggle to sustain an erection. He might get excited at the idea of sexual activity then the stress kicks in and woops, down the penis goes. Solution: be there for him. As a man, be vulnerable and talk 

3. USED TO MASTURBATION 

Men who are so used to pleasing themselves will struggle to find the vagina sweet. These men will enjoy the pleasure of the hands rubbing than the in and out rhythms inside a vagina. This is because with self pleasure, the man has learnt to do it as he wants it and the mind has registered that pleasure comes from self- hand jobs, not a wet vagina. Solution: don't judge him for the habit but teach him to unlearn. As a man, go on a wank fast and teach her how to please you 

4. FINANCIAL ISSUES 

A man who is having financial challenges that are weighing heavy on him will struggle to make love, especially when everything in the marriage falls on him and he has no one to turn to. Solution: as a woman, don't put pressure on him, support him and understand him. As a man, tell her about your problems, together come out of the financial mess 

5. GUILT 

If a man knows that he has done something wrong to you, perhaps cheating, perhaps saying something bad to you, perhaps failing you or making decisions that fail the family; his guilt might eat him up and he struggles to get hard or stay hard. Solution: forgive him when he confesses and solve things if you still choose to stay with him. As a man, change, get up and do better

6. TOO SOON FOR ROUND TWO 

Some men are not ready for round two after they ejaculate. After the climax, some men might get excited and hard but lack the power to sustain the hardness. Solution: don't be in a hurry to have him hard again. As a man, don't pressure your penis, let it recover 

7. EMOTIONAL TRAUMA

If a man is going through emotional trauma, perhaps he has lost a loved one, he has past wounds that haunt him, he has a sick mother, he had an accident that scared him or a health issue that is concerning him; he will not be relaxed enough to have a prolonged erection. Solution: know how your husband really is, men are often suffer in silence. As a man, don't suffer alone, stop pretending you are OK yet you have a wife to help you heal 

8. PORN ADDICTION 

Men who have fed their minds porn will struggle to hold an erection with a real woman. Their mind is so used to getting excitement from fantasies and imaginations and the real woman's body has to compete with illusions. Solution: this habit might take a while to die, make his fantasies come true by studying how he likes it, cultivate intimacy, not just sex. As a man, stop living a lie in videos. Block those sites, delete those videos and get to explore the wife you claim to love 

9. YOUR MOCKING OF HIS PERFORMANCE 

Once a woman makes a man feel he is not that great in bed, the man will see no use to get and stay hard for her. He is discouraged before he even starts. Solution: praise his penis and his bedroom game and he will do more. As a man, have an inner drive to work on pleasing her

10. LOW SELF-ESTEEM 

A man who doesn't believe in himself or is self-conscious about the size, shape, thickness or appearance of his penis will lack the confidence to sustain an erection. Erections are sustained by an ego high of a man who knows "Yes! I am sexy man and I will drive you crazy". Solution: boost his ego by enjoying him when he is naked, show him he is sexy. As a man, own your body and be proud of it 

11. MARITAL ISSUES

Men love peace, peace makes the mind relax, once the mind relaxes, intimacy is easier; if there are issues upon issues between you two, he may get hard then he remembers the issues or the hurtful words you told him and he loses it. Solution: as a woman, apologise when you hurt him, don't drag on issues. As a man, stop holding grudges and keeping things to yourself. Speak up and solve the issues

12. YOU TAKE TOO LONG TO CLIMAX

If the man feels like pleasing the wife is an uphill task, he pumps and pumps and he climaxes quickly but she takes forever to get to climax; he might feel useless and be discouraged to sustain his erection. Her lack of climax can make him feel he is not good enough. Solution: moan to show him you are enjoying, show him other ways he can please you besides penetration, your clitoris is a good place to start. As a man, don't give up, there are many ways to please a woman

13. HE IS NOT IN THE MOOD

You may play with his penis, it gets hard then collapses suddenly. Maybe he is just not in the mood and he is allowed that just like women sometimes can not be in the mood. It doesn't mean that he is no longer into you or he doesn't desire you or love you. Solution: if your advances on him don't work, don't take offence or make a big deal out of it. As a man, if you are not in the mood, still make her feel special with a cuddle, a kiss or sweet words

15. HIS NEED FOR MORE THAN SEX

Believe it or not, men are not always about sexual pleasure. Sometimes his penis going down is a signal, "Darling, let's put sex away for now. Talk to me, cuddle with me, find out more about my well-being, tell me more about how you really are, for now, don't open wide your legs, open up to me"

© Akello Oliech and Dayan Masinde