When life gives you durians: A National Day reflection

Recently, I enjoyed a durian feast with 150 others. Yes, you read right. All 150 of us sat down to demolish all 300kg of durians. My friend and his men’s fellowship at Riverlife Church had thrown this evangelistic party with a difference. Overwhelmed by the aroma, I got to thinking: Can we imagine life without […] The post When life gives you durians: A National Day reflection appeared first on Salt&Light.

Religion Aug 7, 2025 0 2 Add to Reading List

When life gives you durians: A National Day reflection

Recently, I enjoyed a durian feast with 150 others. Yes, you read right. All 150 of us sat down to demolish all 300kg of durians. My friend and his men’s fellowship at Riverlife Church had thrown this evangelistic party with a difference.

Overwhelmed by the aroma, I got to thinking: Can we imagine life without this fruit’s strong, pungent odour and creamy, custard-like flesh? (Okay, haters, I hear you, but please stay with me!)

That led me to wonder: What went through God’s mind when He was about to create the “king of fruits”? Was there even the slightest hesitation? Surely He knew some would find durians downright repugnant. And yet, here we are!

I ventured further to think that despite advances in biotech and genetic engineering, no one would have even thought about coming up with such a divisive fruit! If the durian didn’t exist, no human could have dreamt it up.

I cannot help but conclude, therefore, that there is something intrinsically valuable about the durian.

The meaning of success

Just as durians in all their range and splendour are made for a purpose – for some, sheer delight and health benefits; for others, profit – our own lives become meaningful and enjoyable when we feel it has purpose. Purpose brings meaning, well-being and fulfilment. Fulfilling my purpose means achieving success.

For a long time, my purpose in life was very simple: Work hard and do my best and I will achieve success.

In my primary and secondary school days, I found this to be true. So long as I did my best and studied hard, I would see results. As long as success meant good grades, I had it made. I was a Science stream student, which in those days, was considered the “A class” stream.

My sterling “O” level results earned me the opportunity to provisionally qualify for the prestigious Singapore Police Force overseas scholarship.

Everything was going well until I took my “A” levels. I studied, or tried to study, but I achieved dismal results – not even one A grade in sight. I was devastated.

My results left me in a dilemma. Should I retake the exams or move on from dreams of scholarship and proceed to apply for the National University of Singapore? My “A” level grades could only get me into two faculties at that point: Science or Arts and Social Sciences.

The author overcame defining success according to society’s standards when he switched from the Science stream to take up a degree in Arts.

This incident exposed my beliefs about success at that point:

Success is defined by others, such as by Singapore society. To subject myself to how others measure success is to be “man-made”.

Success is how much I live up to expectations. A few significant teachers remarked aloud when they saw my results slip: “I had expected better from you!” I had not only let them down, I had let myself down, too. This was inevitable since I was both “man-made” and “self-made”.

Success depends on me alone. As the saying goes, ‘If it is to be, it is up to me’. How much more “self-made” could I have been?

I finally overcame being “man-made” when I plucked up the courage to switch from the Science stream to Arts. Growing up, I had considered the Arts stream a place for losers (imagine that!). So I painfully transitioned from the world of giving precise answers to reasoning and writing essays to argue a point.

In the Faculty of Arts and Social Sciences, I slowly blossomed. I surprised myself when I qualified for Honours in English Language. That opened doors to an enriching and unforgettable broadcasting career that lasted 11 years. In those heady days of being in Singapore Broadcasting Corporation (later TCS, MediaCorp and CNA), I could hear those voices of disapproval and disappointment fade away as I recovered from the shame of my “A” level failure.

But just like the K-drama series demonstrated, life does not always give you tangerines. Often we come face to face with thorny durians in life. With more setbacks and disappointments, the cracks in my faulty armour of success began to show. I was still much motivated by being man-made and self-made.

The problem with being self-made

Twice, I found myself in-between work. The second time, it was a retrenchment, which I saw coming. And I was quite happy anticipating the break.

But then a group of dear brothers from church rallied round to put together an envelope filled with cash. I recall it was a couple of thousand dollars. There was a little note. There were six names listed and a little note that went: “…something for you during this time.”

Now how do you think I responded? I should be happy, right?

Actually, I was very upset. I felt deep shame (again). I could feel some tears coming. I muttered aloud, “But I have enough savings to tide me over three months. I am really, really okay!” to the unsuspecting friend who had put it in my hands.

Reluctantly, I eventually accepted it because that persistent brother would have none of my protests. “Look, it’s just a token, Jim. We are all friends. Just take it.”

When we are “self-made”, our pride can keep us from seeing others’ pure intentions. Photo from Depositphotos.com.

Why had I struggled to receive it? Deep down, I held on to the belief that success still depended on me. How could I receive something I didn’t work for?

My journey in God’s grace, even as a believer, is an unfolding one. With time, more heartaches and headaches, I gradually learnt a better way to look at what makes me, me.

To see myself as God-made, I looked no further than the durian.

The joy of being God-made

I came to realise some things.

First, God made me. And God chose to make me. Like how God had a desire for durians to be made, and a design for how durians ought to taste and look, how much more did He have a desire for me and a design for me?

It was, after all, only after God had climaxed creation with Adam and Eve did he give it an A*star grade: “It was very good!” (Genesis 2:31).

Secondly, like the durian, God made me to love me. I am not made by God just to do and achieve something. He had a desire for me to be made. God experienced delight when I was made. Zephaniah 3:17 reads: “he will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet over you with his love.”

Being unconditionally loved and accepted by Him gives me foundational meaning and purpose. Parents, remember how you cooed at your newborn baby the first time you locked eyes? They hadn’t achieved so much as a single grade when they came out of the womb. No certificates to show, let alone PSLE results.

Being useful and being good at what I do – sure, these are great, but they do not define me. I found my anchor and safe harbour when I realised I was made to be loved by the One who loves me perfectly.

With that base, even when things don’t work out, I am not shaken.

Even if I make mistakes or end up acting wilfully against better judgment, this love of God still has room for me to repent and return to him.

Victor Hugo, of Les Misérables fame, said it well: “The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.”

The third thing is this: because God made me to love me, God sees me as His child. I can now relate to Him primarily as a child does to a Heavenly Father, even though I am to revere Him as God. If that’s the case, then surely what He thinks of me defines me.

His expectations are the only ones worth living for. Not what I think or expect of myself. Not what society or well-meaning parents or even good friends think of me. Their views are not unimportant, but they don’t define me. The fact is, when something defines you, it becomes your God-substitute. And we just cannot afford to get this wrong.

How do we move from being self-made and man-made to living as God-made?

We remember 2,000 years ago, when a man named Jesus, the sinless Son of God, was born as a baby, to live and eventually die for my and your sins. He physically resurrected or rose from the dead on the third day, proving His unique and unmatched power over sin and death.

Jesus’s own core worth did not lie in His achievements, but in the love the Father had for Him, says the author. Photo from Depositphotos.com.

Here’s the thing: Jesus’ core worth was not determined by these amazing accomplishments.

The clue is found in Matthew 3:17 (and also later, in Matthew 17:5). God the Father declared in full hearing of those gathered at Jesus’ baptism at the River Jordan: “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased…”

This sounds to me that God loved His Son, Jesus, and approved of Him even before He began His ministry to save and serve others, to give His life for the souls of ungrateful humanity.

Here’s the amazing good news: This love God has for His Son is also available to all of us!

We too, can now have our core worth defined, not by fleeting success or shocking setbacks but by an enduring relationship with God.

Despite good times or bad, success or failure, sickness or health (sounds familiar?), our wilful ways and even our mistakes, God wants us to relate to Him as a child to a loving Heavenly Father.

1 John 3:1 “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are.”

This is His commitment the moment we give our lives to Him, all the way till our final breath and beyond.

He loves you and wants the best for you. He wants to treat you and me as His own, and he wants us to feel and be completely rested in His unshakeable love and acceptance.

It starts with us realising we have to give up our own ideas of what is success and true acceptance.

It starts with us realising we have performance-based defences that only He can melt away in the warm, persistent glow of His love. What is sin if not living according to our self-made thinking or man-made preferences?

This National Day, surrounded by myriad reminders of national markers of success, are you willing to live God-made? I humbly submit to you that it is the best and only way to truly live – with or without durians.