When I Kissed A Boy, My Parents Threw Me Out Because The Church Said So

I was born into a strict Christian fellowship, one where rules were not just guidelines but law; it was a do-or-leave affair. Most of my family belonged to it, and only a few ever knew life outside of it. We never celebrated birthdays or Christmas, and from the moment you took your first breath, your path was already laid out for you. There was no room to deviate, no space to ask questions, and no freedom to choose.

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I was content because that was the only world I knew. We were taught to befriend only people from the fellowship, and anyone outside was seen as a bad influence, almost undeserving of our friendship, as if they were outcasts. From primary school through JHS, I don’t recall ever being close to classmates who weren’t one of us. I didn’t even want to be seen walking with them, because I knew I’d be reprimanded.

Then I met Kelvin in JHS. No matter what I did to push him away, he had made up his mind to be my friend. I’d be in town preaching with my mom, and he would shout my name from across the street, waving with a wide grin and asking me to preach to him too. I’d feel so embarrassed, and when I got home, I wouldn’t hear the end of it. My mom would warn me to stay away from him, saying he looked like a bad boy. Eventually, I had to change schools because of him, but Kelvin knew where I lived, and he didn’t stop trying. He kept coming around, and he just wouldn’t give up.

When I continued to SHS, I was enrolled as a day student because boarding was discouraged. We were taught that boarding schools would corrupt us, pull us away from our teachings, and turn us into something else, so everyone was expected to attend a day school to be supervised. During that time, Kelvin got into a boarding school, so I didn’t see him much, except during vacations when he would still find a way to talk to me.

After SHS, I learnt a trade because I was advised to, and because even after school, your life was still dictated for you. Around that time, a brother from the fellowship showed interest in me and wanted to marry me. I was twenty, and he was highly respected in the church. Imagine how you would value a friend of Otedola in your family; that was how everyone valued him. He was a hot cake, and everyone wanted a piece of him.

No one asked if I wanted to get married. My parents’ eyes gleamed with pride, and that was their yes.

Our courtship was chaperoned because we were taught not to commit sin. We always met in open spaces where everyone could see us. My mom monitored my every move. I was her first child and only girl among three boys, so you can imagine the pressure. It felt like i was carrying the weight of a thousand stones on my back

Kelvin came back into the picture when everything was almost set for me to get married.

One evening, after seeing my husband-to-be off, I met Kelvin on my way home. I tried to hide, but he had already seen me. He teased me about escorting one grandpa, asking if he was my mom’s dad or my father’s dad. I laughed so hard that day. It was the first time we had stood and talked for more than a minute. He begged me for just a little more of my time, and I gave in. We spoke for a long while, and for the first time, I really looked at him. I wasn’t shy, I wasn’t scared. He had grown so much in a good way, and I thought maybe keeping one friend outside the fellowship wouldn’t hurt.

I began replying to his texts and sneaking out to meet him once in a while. It was nothing serious, at least not at first. It was during one of those meetings that Kelvin confessed his feelings. That night changed everything. I caved in. He kissed me; my first kiss. He touched me in intimate places, but I pulled away and ran home.

My conscience haunted me every now and then.I told my best friend in the fellowship and made her promise not to tell anyone, but she told everyone who cared to know that I had sinned against God and the fellowship.

Soon, I was summoned by the elders of the church and questioned. My dad was part of the committee. I couldn’t even lift my head. I tried to lie, but after four hours of sitting on that chair and facing that kind of tough committee, I broke down and confessed, thinking it would make things better. It didn’t.

What happens next is you’re reprimanded, and at one of our meetings where everyone is present, it is announced that you’ve been disfellowshipped. It’s a big deal. Your own family is not even allowed to talk to you. They pass you by like you don’t exist. You become an outcast.

I had to move out because I couldn’t stand the humiliation and the silent treatment. But I had nowhere to go, so I turned to Kelvin. The day after I told him, he came over and packed my things, and we left for his end. My mom watched with anger burning in her eyes but didn’t say a word, because the church doctrine said so. She chose her faith over her only daughter.

He took me to his mother’s house. That was where I met her and explained everything. She couldn’t believe it, but she welcomed me with open arms, and they’re the only people supporting me now. Nobody talks to me, no one from the fellowship, and they are the only ones I know. I miss my family so much, but when I call, they don’t pick up.

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Kelvin and his mom have been amazing to me, but some days I have dark thoughts. I feel worthless. I have lost everything. Where do I even begin? I can’t go out because I meet some of the fellowship members, and the looks they give me break me all over again.

Kelvin’s mom says I am part of their family now, but for how long? Some nights I can’t sleep because I feel like if the world ended today, I would be counted among the very people I used to preach would perish. I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.

—Mabel

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