What’s The Worst Vehicle To Clean And Keep Clean?

Someone once said that you never really understand the design of your car until you wash it. And I don’t mean run it through a tunnel full of soggy rollers or stand around looking at your phone while a half dozen industrious guys do the job for you. I mean clean it yourself, dragging your hand over every curve, crease and shutline.

But have you noticed that some vehicles you’ve owned tended to pick up more dirt than others, and that removing all that gunge can take far longer on one car than it does another? Basic body panels and glass are simple enough, and if you’re washing something with a fairly fuss-free design, like a car from the 1990s, maybe the whole detail job isn’t too difficult. They tended to have large expanses of body-color plastic on the nose and tail that only needed a simple wipe over, and the alloy wheels often featured basic designs that were dealt with almost as quickly.

Newer vehicles can be a very different ballgame. By the time you’ve finished cleaning the third of those beautiful zillion-spoke alloys you paid a fortune for, you’re fondly recalling the days when cars had $5 hubcaps. And you haven’t even got to the grille yet…

Related: How Often Do You Wash Your Car In The Winter?

Much as it was before WWII, so much of a car’s identity is contained in the real estate between the headlights, so automakers put plenty of effort into coming up with often elaborate grille treatments. EV drivers get an easy ride here because machines like the Tesla Model 3 have smooth faces, and even cars that are electric versions of ICE cars, like the BMW i4 and Hyundai Kona Electric, have faired-in grilles because they don’t need access to cooling air. But cleaning the grille on a combustion car can be a real mission.

Sure, you can just drag a cloth over it and get the worst of the dead bugs off, but to do the job properly takes ages, because most grilles seem to have intricate mesh-pattern centers made from piano black plastic or chrome that shows up every water spot unless you actively polish each surface.

Of course, there’s something really satisfying about completely going through a car from top to bottom, in and out. I did that this past weekend and came away with the kind of endorphin kick a good gym session delivers – though to be fair it felt like it burned as many calories. But depending on life circumstances not everyone has hours to spend fully detailing their entire fleet every weekend, or even the urge to – particularly at this time of year when all your hard work could be ruined two minutes down the road if the weather turns.

So we want to know what car you’ve owned was the most complicated or time-consuming to clean, and which one seemed to stay clean for about five minutes and which managed to look spotless for weeks.