What Happened With a Pastor Years Ago Is Still Ruining My Sister’s Love Life

As a sister, I have done my part, but I cannot carry it anymore, and that is why I am here. For my sister, Yaa. My sister is one of the most beautiful girls I know, and I am not just saying that because she is my sister. I am utterly stating the truth. She is so talented that I can only envy her, envy her strength and her grit.

I am here because of her, because I understand that reality hit her as early as it could, and our family didn’t try to shield her from it. Sometimes it gets to a point where you do not blame your parents for how your life turns out, but if you know how much your foundation affects you in the most fundamental way… it is almost like, I brought you into this life, now it is your turn to make a life for yourself. That was how it was.

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A pastor assaulted her. She and my mom had gone to him for prayers for healing, and that is how it happened. He told her that if she told anyone, he would come for her. So, she kept it a secret until she couldn’t anymore. When we finally decided to let the cat out of the bag, it was hard. My mom cried. We cried. She says that is the reason her life has turned out the way it is.

Most dawns, I can hear her cry. She says she is mourning her life, the life she lost. My sister is not a harlot. It is just unfortunate that the men she comes across are not serious with her. They just come and go. Some do not go well. Some leave as early as two months. She is doing very well for herself. She works, lives alone, and earns her own money. But that is not the mentality of the men she meets. Some even take advantage of her because of her kindness and good heart. I can beat my chest and write a book about her. My sister is so kind, has a good heart, and loves all, but her relationship life is so terrible.

People say she is young and should wait, but she is battling with fertility issues. She has never gotten pregnant and has those never-ending menstrual problems, although she is seeking medical attention. But how long should she wait to settle?

I know it is not her fault. I have been assuring her to forget about the past, pray, and move on. Before you come for my mum, she is a single mum who has been the best mother. Because of her hard work, we are all okay in life. She nurtures us, although she is not fully aware of all this. She sits us down, talks to us about life and men, but we are not bold enough to tell her everything.

We were having a conversation and she told me she thinks it is because of what the pastor did to her that is causing all this, because she cannot seem to make sense of it any other way. Now she does not want to hear anything about men. She has even told my mom to forget about her settling down and having a family of her own. She says she will just try IVF when she is ready, if it is even possible with her fertility issues, or maybe just relocate abroad.

As a sister, I am deeply worried. This whole issue has turned her into something else. She detests men, hates them now because she thinks they are all the same. Every time she decides to try, it backfires. Now she labels herself: one woman, a thousand men. And it breaks my heart for her.

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We have tried everything. We talk to each other. We have gone to God. We join all the online prayers you know of, but to no avail. I do not understand the kind of guilt eating her soul up. Maybe I am not in her shoes.

Kindly advise Yaa as a daughter, a sister, a friend.

—Sedi

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