We Don’t Have Men In My Family (Part 2)

If you haven’t read the first part of this story, here’s the link. Kindly read it before starting this one.

After my story was published, I shared the link with most of my family members. I didn’t have any expectations of how they would react but it turned into chaos. Our dormant WhatsApp group suddenly became more active than ever.

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The next morning, my grandmother called me. At first, she was harsh. “What’s going on with you? Are you not grateful for what God has blessed you with?” She scolded me.

I didn’t take it badly. Rather, I let her know some of the comments from the story I shared said our family might be cursed. “I am just looking for answers, Cúcú.”

After a deep sigh, she said, “My mother told me a story when I was growing up. I don’t know if it has anything to do with what we are experiencing but I will share it with you.”

According to her, my great-grandmother once lived in a hut near the path to the forest. There was famine at the time and the only available food was cassava. One day, a group of boys who had not yet gone through their passage rites came through her hut looking for food. They had gone hunting and returned empty-handed.

Instead of giving them food, she drove them away. She didn’t even give them water. Out of hunger and frustration, the boys muttered a string of curses at her. They told her:

“Your back will never carry an uncircumcised boy.”

“Your legs will never be wet from a boy child’s urine.”

“Your hut will never hear the cry of a boy.”

She didn’t take them seriously until she found herself giving birth to only girls. And from the way my grandmother narrated the story, I could tell she didn’t believe that story had any bearing on our lineage.

As for my aunties, they didn’t let me rest when they read the story. Some of them teased me. They said I had too much time on my hands. “If you weren’t idle, you wouldn’t be paying attention to such things. Why don’t you channel all that energy into making more money?”

Others said our lineage never struck them as anything unique for them to be bothered by it. They reminded me that among our Kikuyu tribe, the Agikuyu, there were originally nine daughters of Gikuyu and Mumbi who founded our nine clans. So having only daughters was nothing new under the sun.

Our WhatsApp group chat was a hub of speculations and standpoints. Everyone had something to say.

“It doesn’t matter if we are all women. What a man can do, a woman can do it better,” one of my cousins remarked.

“Come to think of it, science says it is the egg that chooses the sperm. Maybe we are biologically wired for our eggs to resist XY sperms and only accept XX,” said another.

One funny aunty typed, “I am the man of the family. If anyone tries to fight you, come and call me,” and everyone laughed.

My mother didn’t have any stories about why we are all women. All she said was that there is nothing special about men. “We are all human beings, created the same but with different genitals. It’s nothing for you to lose sleep over.”

When I asked her why we couldn’t keep men or have husbands, she told me to focus on myself and my children. “Don’t you know that you have a better life than some married women? That’s something you should be grateful for.”

After talking to my mother, I called my grandmother and asked her the same question about why we didn’t have husbands. She also didn’t seem concerned about it. Rather, she demanded to know why I was worried about such a thing. She even laughed and asked me, “Are you heartbroken by the father of your children? Or is this about money? You need a man to take care of you financially?”

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When I went quiet, she blamed my mother for the way I was thinking. She said my mother is a gold digger who raised all her daughters to be like her. “All you people think about is money money money and more money. Maybe that’s why you chase men away.”

That was the end of the conversation. No one in my family seems bothered by the fact that we are all women or that we don’t have husbands. Whether or not there is a generational curse, it’s not a concern to them.

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They say I shouldn’t stress over these things but rather focus on making more money for myself. Well, I went looking for answers and this is what I got.

Maybe my story will be different from theirs. Maybe I will be like all of them. Whatever the case may be, what will be will be. To all the readers who left comments after reading my story, thank you for all your love and support. You gave me the courage to ask questions, and for that, I am grateful!

—Natalie

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