updates: the constantly babbling coworker, the fed who insists everything’s fine, and more

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are three updates from past letter-writers.

1. My coworker’s constant babbling is drowning me in info, and my boss won’t help

So as it happened, by the time the post went up I’d left the job and the region. But not long after I sent in the letter, I sat down and laid this out to my boss pretty much exactly as I wrote in. He wasn’t blind so while he wasn’t exactly thrilled, he did get it. I was a receptionist/admin in a small public office with regular customer service and sales tasks in addition to EA and admin work, my desk was the entryway hub, and it was a notoriously “interrupty” environment. I had no real problem with any of that — it was just the coworker I wrote about. She used us all like free dating coaches, therapists, and dumping grounds for everything in her head from House Key Movement Monologues up to and including graphic sex and undiluted trauma in the aftermath of a horrible gruesome local accident. I was the only one tied to a central desk and providing the anchor work keeping the office open to the public so I just bore the brunt.

In the talk, my boss told me that both his predecessor and he had the option of installing a door in the wall between his desks and the coworker’s desk area and that having that door installed and left open was likely what was needed to start keeping them on task and start him providing the constant ongoing “knock it off, get to work” feedback to correct her performance issues, which were significant. Only both of them also thought she was a nightmare and couldn’t face taking this on. To be fair, it would have taken 80% of his time and attention, invariably led to a PIP, insubordination, and various other write-ups and likely her quitting or being fired, whereupon a 30-year veteran of the department (her) would start slandering the office to our entire small town, and we had a significant and important role in the community. I did understand their reluctance to table the entirety of their actual work load to remedial train a 55- year-old Piece of Work in order to maneuver her out the door in the midst of an inevitable shit storm. It’s bad management but it’s pretty human, and I wanted to move anyway. So I preserved my reputation with my boss and got out from under the waterfall, which were my main goals.

If I’d wanted to stay in the community, I would have been a lot more frustrated, as it was a good job with a great wage and there was no need for it to be literally terrible. And yeah, it pushed me out into the worst job market in like a century so had I not had support and savings and been so ready to move on, I would probably be a lot saltier about it all.

I work a well-paying solitary labor job now, my rent is cheaper, the stores sell fresh fruit, and nobody’s pouring poison in my ears all day, so personally I feel this was a grand success. And the last I heard of her, she was trying to hold a conversation with a public works employee who was actively jackhammering a road so … yeah.

2. We’re feds with a coworker who won’t stop insisting everything is fine (#2 at the link)

Fergus toned down the positivity once we were back in the office, so the issue mostly worked itself out on its own. He is still sometimes too rah rah, but it’s not as bad as it was.

Unfortunately, the deputy has only ratcheted up the positivity. Every meeting, no matter how unpleasant or difficult the topic, has to end with a statement of how well things are going or how we’re doing amazing work, and everything we do is just the best. It’s exhausting.

A few weeks before the shutdown, the deputy dropped a bomb on us in a meeting. Something new is coming, and it has the opportunity to be very good for our office, or it has the possibility of being a giant clusterbleep. It’s the kind of situation that needs a lot of thought and careful planning. I’ve been in my office for over 10 years, and this represents, most likely, a radical change to the office and office culture. So, naturally, I was apprehensive and asked a million questions in the meeting about it, most of which management had no answers for. All of my questions were about logistics and planning, but, admittedly, my tone may have been too incredulous because the news was so surprising. Other folks told my manager that they had the exact same questions that I had.

Two days later, the deputy asked me to meet with her, without informing my manager. (This has happened before when she wants to reprimand someone but not discuss it with their manager.) In the meeting, she implicitly threatened my promotion potential for being too negative. I was also told that I could ask questions of the managers, strongly implying that I was not to ask questions in meetings because people “look up to” me as a senior staffer. Again, all I did was ask questions. I made no pronouncements that I thought this would fail or be bad for the office. I just wanted to understand and try to play my part in making it succeed. I have to work closely with the deputy on a project that I loathe, and this conversation has only made that more difficult. I’m a realist by nature, so gushing over how good everything is just isn’t how I operate. I guess I’ve got to learn to fake it.

3. When and how to tell clients I’m closing my business (#2 at the link)

In the end, I didn’t get in to Taco Night School A (day school, actually) here in my city, nor Taco Day School B in neighbor city. I ended up opting for Taco Day School C, which is an hour and a half one-way commute. After working mostly afternoons and evenings for years, waking up at 6:00 every day has been a huge adjustment, but I’m very happy with the program I’m in and the choice to go back to school more generally.

However, I didn’t find any of that out til August, so I proceeded with closing my business following your advice to just tell them in general terms that I was shutting down. Most of them did ask what I would be doing, which I replied to as if I had a solid plan. Despite being sad to lose me, the families generally realize that tutoring is a tough business with low profits and an unforgiving schedule, and were genuinely happy for me pursuing other opportunities.

I made recommendations for replacement tutors when possible, but that wasn’t the case for all families (for example, I couldn’t recommend anyone who works with young kids, or kids with dyslexia). Some families apparently had a very hard time finding new tutors and continued to write me even in mid-October to help them find someone and/or pretty please make an exception just for them. In the end, everyone either found a replacement or gave up on bothering me about it, and I only got guilt-tripped into staying on with one student (who, admittedly, has very specific learning needs that not many people are able to accommodate). I’m not entirely thrilled — it’s a lot combined with my own studies — but all in all I think the closing was handled smoothly, thanks in part to your advice!

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