True Life Story: Avoiding Confession Was The Best Decision At That Time To Save My Future Marriage Until Now

True Life Story: Avoiding Confession Was The Best Decision At That Time To Save My Future Marriage Until Now

Hello Lively Stones,

Let me add my story to this confession thing. I personally feel that if something as bad as cheating happens in a relationship, one has to be very careful before confession is ever an option. This is my view (not everyone will do like me, and I dont blame them) but I want to explain my view. The reason is, every relationship is different and every circumstance is also different. Sometimes, not confessing, shields loved ones from pain and prevents destruction of a relationship that has been build for years.

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I do not support cheating but if you love someone and you cheat once, I believe, you should spare that loved one the painful details of confession. I was a JAMBITE when I met Dotun (my husband but not real name). We became friends and joined the same fellowship and were supper vibrant in campus fellowship for many years. At my final, Dotun proposed to me and we were both elated at the future of being husband and wife.

During my NYSC, I met this pregnant girl during the camp and we became very close friends. Because of her condition, she left camp after a few days but we stayed in touch. And cos of her liking to me, she spoke to the zonal coordinator and I was posted to the town where she lives with her husband.

Uju and her husband took a liking to me and I used to come to their house quite often cos the life of a Yoruba corper in the East where I served can be boring. I used to even have sleep overs at their place. A particular hot afternoon, I called Uju that I was coming to their place so I can collect AC in their house. She was like, she is not home but I could collect key from their security man and wait in the house.

On getting to their apartment, since it was so hot, I took off my clothes and decided to sleep only in my underwear in the visitor’s room. I slept off and woke up like a few minutes later and felt someone touching me and trying to shift my undies and finger me. At first, I thought I was dreaming, but it became more intimate and I woke up to see Uju’s husband on me, he was caressing me, squeezing my breasts and fingering me.

Apparently, he returned home and saw I was sleeping and came to me. I tried to push him off but he kept pleading with me, that he is frustrated, that his wife does not give him s3x cos of her pregnancy, that he has been feeling so horny and he just wants me to help him to release, that he will not penetrate me but just feel the tip of my vagina. He kept insisting and I kept pushing and he eventually started jerking….I think he was coming and he did release all over me before I could say stop.

After he released, he started cleaning me up and saying he is sorry ….that he does not know what came over him…Then he started crying. I was now confused. I told him its ok…at least he he did penetrate, so its ok,….he was like, he is still in pains….that releasing without penetration pains him. I began to feel sorry for him cos I was thinking he truly was being denied by his wife cos of her pregnancy.

Then he begged me to just allow him penetrate and promised that it will be just the tip. He said he wants to be able to release the pain he was feeling. I told him I cant cos I am engaged and he said, its not real s3x but just a ‘‘tip stimulation”. I then agreed to help him. What I did not know was that, I would feel a warm sensation as he penetrated me. It was my first time…and as he come inside me, I held on to him…I did not want him to stop.

As he promised, he pulled out before anything could happen. But then, I was now feeling so warm that I wanted him…as he tried to get up, I pulled him back and began to kiss him. Long story, I made him have full s3x with me. And this guy was magical. I experienced s3x with my friend’s husband after keeping my virginity for almost 24 years. I was supposed to reserve this for Dotun on our wedding night.

We both felt so guilty but the deed was done. It was a big mistake and we both acknowledged it was done in a moment of weakness. This guy loves his wife and I love my fiancé and husband to be.  I cleaned up and dressed up before my friend would return and left without seeing her. I lied that I had something to do and I left her house immediately. That guilt almost ate me up for several weeks. I had to confide in my best friend Wunmi who was in Lagos. Wunmi advised me not to tell Dotun and she explained that it was a mistake that could end my marriage plans to Dotun.

I got married to Dotun after my NYSC. I never told him and I will never tell him. It was a one time thing and its in my past. I still maintain a cordial relationship with Uju but never ever had anything else to do with her husband. Why did I not tell Dotun as Wunmi advised? Why should I destroy a relationship of over six years cos of one mistake that happened under one hour? I prayed to God for forgiveness and all I know is, HE has forgiven me and I need to move on and not dwell on my past mistakes.

Funny thing is, on my wedding night ….s3x felt like it was the first time…I love Dotun and he remains my king and my world. I will never cheat on him but then, I was naive….I thought I was helping a man in pain…now, I am more mature and can never do such a thing. My husband is a good man and we have been married for almost eight years now. Now, my best friend who has since relocated out of the country called me one day and said her conscience is troubling her about my secret from years back.

You know, she is the only one who I told. Wunmi says she thinks I should confess to my husband, because she has had a change of heart and she has seen her advise was wrong. She told me that even though I feel God has forgiven me, that until I ask Dotun for forgiveness, that I have not truly repented from my sin. Do you agree with her? I don’t cos like I said before….its my past and it happened only one time.

After almost a decade, of what use will any confession be to my marriage with children now? If you were in my shoes, would you open your mouth and confess? What good will it do to anyone? Does keeping this away from my husband mean that I am not repentant of the sin? Please share your thoughts…my only fear is that, I hope Wunmi’s conscience will not move her to tell my husband herself….I warned her not to do so and she agreed but you know human beings….

More From Lively Stones

• True Life Story: What Should I Do With My Husband’s Confession?
• True Life Story: I Have Always Been In Love With My Bestie-Confession Series

I just need you guys to see my point and advise further…do you think confession is the way after almost 9 years since the issue happened? I really wish I did not tell anyone…that is my only fear now…Do you think Wunmi would ever go behind my back and betray me? This her new conscience is my headache now…..confession is out out the question…I cannot do anything to destroy my happy home….what should I do?

Anonymous

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