Thrusting Techniques

Quick question — how important is thrusting technique when it comes to being an amazing lover?

Different guys will have different takes on this. Some will say it’s hyper-important. Some will say all the thrusting techniques in the world will do you no good if you have a small penis, or you can’t stay fully erect.

And perhaps there’s some truth to both of these approaches — but the real truth is that no amount of memorizing and applying thrusting techniques can equal the importance of talking to your partner (or partners) about what they want in bed.

A style that works perfectly for one person will be deeply painful for another, and underwhelming for a third. Sex is all about communication and working together. If you’re in your own head following a made-up script about how to “do sex right,” you’re not going to be much good in bed.

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That being said, that doesn’t mean thrusting techniques can’t have an impact on your performance. If you put things like communication, consent and collaboration first, having a more refined understanding of thrusting can help add a little something to your toolkit.

In order to better understand how to do that, AskMen spoke to a couple of sex experts. Here’s what they had to say:

What to Know About Thrusting Techniques

First and foremost, says Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT, a relationship expert and psychotherapist, “Don’t use what you’ve seen in porn as gospel.”

Besides the fact that what you see in porn is designed to look impressive to the camera, not feel good to the participants, Wright notes that “every person you have penetrative sex with has different preferences and desires — and, literally, different bodies.”

Thus, she says, “Don’t assume every vagina owner likes the same thing, and don’t assume that what you see in porn is what people want.”

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However, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t any thrusting techniques you can take advantage of.

“When you’re intentional,” Wright says, “you’re most likely asking your partner what they like and making choices intentionally based on that information. That will make you a better lover!”

So what does that look like?

Different Thrusting Techniques

“Just like most physical activities, there are many modifications,” says Wright. “There are probably endless techniques for thrusting.”

She zeroes in on two different axes of altering your thrusts: speed, and depth.

Shallow vs. Deep

If your partner has a vagina, Wright notes, it’s important to remember that “the majority of nerve endings inside of the vagina are found within the first couple inches of the opening.”

So while porn might make it seem like deep thrusting is always better, the truth is a little more complicated.

“So, talk to your partner, if they’re the vagina owner, and ask!” Wright suggests. “Do they like a combo? Deep? Shallow? You can play around with both and see what they like best and what feels best for you, as the penis owner.”

Sexologist Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., host of the “Sex With Dr. Jess” podcast, note that shallow thrusts can be dynamite when done well: “Move very slowly in the shallow part of the canal to simulate the very sensitive nerve endings and tune into every sensation,” she suggests.

Slow vs. Fast

Thrusting quickly or slowly can be a question of how much energy you have, how aroused you’re feeling, and whether you’re mimicking what you’ve seen in porn. But it’s important to remember your partner’s experience, Wright says.

“Sometimes, a jackhammer feels great,” she admits, but more often, she says, receptive partners might not be into it — especially without a lot of lubrication involved.

“Again, ask your partner as a vagina owner what speed they like. My recommendation is a mix of fast and slow… change it up!”

If you are going to go deep, O’Reilly recommends doing so very slowly.

Alternate Thrusting Approaches

Knowing these two options, you can mix it up, trying slow and deep, shallow and fast, shallow and slow, and maybe even deep and fast, depending on what your partner likes. But beyond that, you can play with angle and other factors in interesting ways.

O’Reilly mentions these options:

Upward Curve

“Start with your hips down low and draw a U as you curve upward.”

Downward Curve

“Move your hips in a circular pattern.”

The Changeup

“Start with a few quick thrusts and then alternate with a few slow movements.”

Up and Down Grind

“Slide inside all the way and gently shift your hips up and down.” Wright echoes this option, where, “instead of the ‘classic’ in-and-out,” you “try to rock and grind.”

Hip Rider

“You stay perfectly still, but you guide their hips toward you in whatever motion feels natural.”

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