Str8Curious: I Want to Explore Fisting... But I'm Anxious

Str8Curious is a monthly AskMen column where out and proud lifestyle expert Joey Skladany answers burning questions from heterosexual men about sex, dating, and the LGBTQ+ community. No topic is off limits as he candidly lends advice, debunks stereotypes, and gives it to you straight — err — gay. Should you be interested in submitting a question for editorial consideration (and we will respect anonymity), feel free to ping Joey directly on Instagram or email him at joeyskladanywrites@gmail.com). The Question “I am pretty new to gay terminology, sex acts, and kinks. While I have a firm grasp on most things, I can’t seem to understand the concept of fisting. Is it pleasurable? Is it painful? Is it a combo of both, much like BDSM? Can you please explain why people partake in this type of activity? I’m open-minded and I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t a bit curious.” - Jerry, Gainesville, FL The Answer I hope “firm grasp” was intentional because that’s precisely what the anal sphincter does around a wrist while being fisted. Admittedly, as someone who’s never participated and cringes at the mere thought of a finger going up the bum (I’m a #side), your guess is as good as mine when it comes to the pleasure aspect. But I’m never here to kink-shame and I applaud you for respectfully exercising curiosity. To educate the both of us, I hit up a dear friend who does take part in frequent fisting sessions as the top. But as a corporate executive with a buttoned-up image (quite the contradiction!), he has requested complete and total anonymity. Allegedly, the thrill of being the fister is more psychological than physical. Aside from penetration with a penis, there is no sexual experience more intimate and these special tops enjoy being 100% responsible for their partner’s pleasure. There is also an element of power, connection, control, and fantasy that can provide a surge of endorphins that is “unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.” (A direct quote from my friend.) For bottoms, fisting orgasms are apparently even more intense when that area feels “full.” While I’d much prefer the rush of a Beyoncé concert instead of an arm up my ass, I’m certainly in no place to knock something until I’ve tried it. My kinky friend says that these “ultimate size queens” tend to take on a more submissive role in the bedroom and even enjoy the thrill and challenge of seeing how far up a limb can go and/or how far an asshole can stretch. I’d be curious to get a psychiatrist’s thoughts on whether or not this falls in the same category as extreme body modifiers. While it’s certainly a boner kill, I’d be remiss to not mention the inherent risks associated with fisting. The act requires a lot of lube, patience, and trust. Rectal perforation is a real possibility, as well as tears, hemorrhaging, and permanent sphincter damage that can only be corrected with surgery. Fisting also increases the chances of HIV and STI contractions due to tears in the delicate lining and tissue. And anal trauma can lead to incontinence, as well as a prolapse that contributes to blockage and constipation. It’s important to keep all of this in mind, especially when first starting out. If you’re looking to dive right in, quite literally, either as a top or bottom, my advice is to peruse a gay sex app and seek those with mutual interests. You’ll likely find someone willing to show you the ropes or at least offer their tips and tricks. After all, if what my friend says is true, nothing is more of a turn-on for fisters and fistees than maximizing gratification, pushing limits, and sharing this hedonism with others. You Might Also Dig: Top Christian Dating Sites, RevealedBest Dating Apps for the LGBTQ+ CommunityHere’s How to Know If You're Gay