Str8Curious: I Had an Anal 'Accident' and I'm Mortified. What Do I Do?

Str8Curious is a monthly AskMen column where out and proud lifestyle expert Joey Skladany answers burning questions from heterosexual men about sex, dating, and the LGBTQ+ community. No topic is off limits as he candidly lends advice, debunks stereotypes, and gives it to you straight — err — gay. Should you be interested in submitting a question for editorial consideration (and we will respect anonymity), feel free to ping Joey directly on Instagram or email him at joeyskladanywrites@gmail.com). The Question “I bottomed for the second time in my life and had an accident. My sexual partner was really chill about it but I can’t stop feeling embarrassed. How do I get over this shame so that I can build up the courage to try again?” - Darren, Akron, OH The Answer Shit happens. Plain and simple. The expectation that anal sex will always go off without a hitch is unrealistic. You can’t assume things won’t come out of an area where things usually… come out. This is so common there’s even a slang term for it — “paint.” That said, there are certainly steps you can take to lower the odds of this happening and turn that Hershey Highway into a greased and squeaky-clean bowling lane. Our complete guide to bottoming is chock-full of helpful advice on how to mentally and physically prepare for anal sex, though there are three top—err—bottom tips that our experts put forth for a potentially (again, nothing is a guarantee) feces-free experience: 1. Avoid Eating Within 1-2 Hours of Play Eating stimulates your body’s astrocolic reflex, which gets rid of waste. Save the romantic dinner for after sex. 2. Use Only Lukewarm Water in an Enema Bottle Now, for some douching — to clear and clean out anything lingering in your sphincter. The process is to insert the tip in your butt and squeeze all the water in. Let it sit for 15 seconds, release, and repeat until all of the water is clear. Don’t overdo it, though. Jonathan Baker, PA-C, otherwise known as Rectal Rockstar on social media, often warns against overdouching, as it can irritate and/or eliminate the natural lining of your anus and rectum that are necessary for normal bowel movements 3. Test With a (Well-Lubricated) Dildo It’s A-OK to stick something up your ass before a partner’s penis, to test whether or not it comes out clean. Foreplay with toys can be just as fun, after all. Also, while you can partake in safer sex practices using PrEP, a condom will always create a barrier between flesh. A dirty rubber can easily snap off and be disposed of with no showering required. Let’s also eliminate the stigma that humans don’t poop. Not every sexual experience is meant to model a studio porn film, which is unrealistic and only showcases the hottest (and often unrealistic) parts of fornication. RELATED: Sex Myths It's Time We Stopped Believing “In the likely case that there is a visualization or scent of feces during the experience, try to avoid stigmatizing it,” Baker suggested in the aforementioned guide. “You may choose to end the experience and that is OK.” The fact that your partner has already brushed the incident off as normal shows that he is a keeper, at least from a sexual compatibility standpoint. Be grateful that it was met without judgment. No harm, no foul! That being said, should you find intrusive thoughts debilitating enough to prevent you from becoming intimate again, you may want to consider the advice of a gay or gay-friendly sex therapist, who could help you process these thoughts and make your way to a more comfortable approach to bottoming. It’s also OK to take a breather from bottoming altogether. As a self-proclaimed side, I can assure you that there are plenty of other ways (and other orifices) to maximize pleasure and get you off…no ifs, ands, or butts. You Might Also Dig: Anal Sex Dos & Don'ts Every Guy Should KnowButt Sex Pro Tips to Make You a Backdoor MasterThe Best Gay Sex Positions, Illustrated