rude people at events make me angry, can I live with an employee while I’m interning, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I need to be more zen with rude people at events

I manage community festival booths. With that, I’m managing 1 to 10 volunteers (my coworkers from other departments) at each event.

I’m missing a leadership skill: being zen with rude people. I can handle animosity toward our organization — easy. What I can’t handle is rude people wanting more and more and more swag. We bring items to hand out to kids, but adults sometimes want the junk too. (We’re talking crappy party favor type of items.) That’s fine! They can spin the wheel and win, too.

This past weekend I wasn’t at my most zen — and thus NOT exemplifying how I want the volunteers to act — in a couple of situations.

An eight-year-old won a prize, but wanted a different one. That’s no problem, happy to switch. But she asked by saying simply, “Gimmie that [other prize].” I replied, “I’m happy to exchange it for you if you can ask nicely!” Her, in a snotty tone, “Gimmie!” Me: “Can you ask nicely?” Her, getting frustrated and whiny, “GIMMIE!” Me, in a terse tone: “Okay, then I guess you don’t get it. Enjoy your time at the event!” She stomped off.

Other people — including adults — came by six or seven times acting like it was their first time. All to get the same three prizes. I’d say, “Nice to see you again! We’d like to make sure we have enough prizes for everyone, so since you’ve already won, we won’t be able to give you more!” But then they’d just come back and one of the volunteers would give them more.

I got internally so angry at them! They’re acting so entitled — and not for a critical service that they need! It’s for junk! How can I get more zen? How can I let this go and show my volunteers the right way to act?

You’re taking it way too personally. When you’re staffing events, you’ve got to go into it knowing that This Is How Some People Are. It’s just the way of events — or more precisely, it’s the way of free stuff. And by definition, swag should be items that you’re willing to part with and where it’s okay and not a huge problem if someone gets a little extra. Since you acknowledge it’s basically junk, that sounds like the case!

You’re approaching this like you might a social interaction where social etiquette rules apply. It’ll help to change your mindset to: your job is to represent your organization. It’s not to teach people (adults or kids) how to behave politely. If you want to have rules about how much swag people can get, that’s fine! Some people will try to get more when you’re not around; it’s how this goes. Focus on what you’re there to do, which is presumably to promote your org and leave people with a warm feeling about it, not to teach anyone manners or to guard the swag stash like it’s more valuable than it really is.

2. Is it “entitled” to want manager stability?

I’ve worked for a very large company for almost four years. Although outwardly the company’s value is based on stability, I have never, in my 30+ years of work experience, worked anywhere so chaotic! They are constantly re-orging and having layoffs and leadership changes. It’s a new manager and/or role every three to six months. You have no choice in the matter. I’m not entirely sure who my manager actually is at the moment.

I find this upsetting, because it feels impossible to gain any sort of career growth if no one is your manager long enough to develop a relationship where they will advocate for you. When leaving the company, my last manager told me that we are not “entitled” to manager stability. ENTITLED. Apparently early in his career when he was a consultant (we are not consultants), his manager changed all the time based on the project he was working on. I didn’t think this was a fair comparison because, in my experience, your manager and your relationship with them matters the most for your work happiness and growth. Huge swaths of my performance haven’t been evaluated in the past couple of years because my manager changed and the new one only evaluated what they personally saw (nine months of one year was left off, and three and a half months of another).

I’m interested in what your take is on this whole “not entitled to manager stability” idea. Is this really an entitled expectation, and if so, how else do we build relationships and gain career traction and growth? Or is this as crazy as I think it is and it would be worthwhile seeking less chaotic and judgmental employment elsewhere?

No, it’s not entitled to want and expect more manager stability than you’ve had. But I also think you’re reading too much into your former manager’s comment — I doubt he meant “It’s outrageous for you to be upset about this,” but rather something more like, “Managers change, sometimes frequently, and it’s not something a company can promise won’t happen. They’re not violating a basic tenet of your employment if it happens.”

That said, it doesn’t really matter what he meant! This is something you know is a pattern at your company, you’re unhappy with it, and you get to decide to leave over it if it bothers you enough. Don’t get caught up in what you are and aren’t entitled to; look at what you’re actually getting and what you’re likely to get or not get in the future, and decide if that’s a job you want to stay at.

3. Should I ask if I can stay with an employee where I’m interning?

I just accepted a three-month internship in a city with an expensive cost of living, and I’m trying to figure out housing. My parents suggested that I should ask the HR person whether there might be an employee who I could stay with since it will be so short-term. I think that’s a really big request and three months is a long time to have a stranger living in your home! But they say it doesn’t hurt to ask and that it’s common to offer this to interns. Is this actually something I should ask about?

It is not. It’s not at all a common thing for employers to arrange and, in the rare cases where it’s possible, they’ll let you know. If they haven’t offered it, it’s because it’s not on offer. Asking is likely to come across as naive at best and presumptuous at worst (and “it doesn’t hurt to ask” is definitely not always true when it’s can affect how you’re perceived).

If your parents are likely to give you a hard time about this, feel free to just tell them that you asked and were told no.

But what you can do is ask HR whether they know of any employees looking to sublet a room; they might, or they might offer to post the request on a company intranet or Slack channel or similar.

4. Should I put political work on my resume?

I recently decided to get more involved in politics, especially at the local level. I’ve been elected to a part of the executive committee of the county affiliate, serve on a county committee, and was asked to consider a committee position at the state level.

These positions would be great to add to a resume, but how to do it without bringing politics to work? The work I’m doing supports the party in general, not a specific candidate and it’s a third party that the general public doesn’t seem to care much about (Libertarian). Or should I just leave it off? I’m not looking for work now, but try to keep my resume somewhat updated.

You can’t really include it without accepting that you’re going to be bringing your politics into consideration, even if only subconsciously. This was less true years ago when it was easier to see political differences as civilized disagreements; it is more true now when politics can feel extremely inflammatory and personal (and in some cases will be seen as indicating how you feel about some of your would-be coworkers’ rights to exist).

So it’s a question of how willing you are to risk some hiring managers screening you out over it; some people will consider that a bonus and some won’t.

(For what it’s worth, though, I wouldn’t assume you’re safe just because it’s the Libertarian Party; there are some strongly negative views out there of Libertarians, and I say that as someone who flirted with libertarianism in my youth. They’re much more closely associated with the right wing now than they used to be.)

5. Birds are attacking my coworker’s car

A very low-stakes question: am I obligated to scare birds away from a coworker’s car?

The birds in the area around my office are strangely fascinated by a coworker’s car. Various birds like to perch in the tree hanging over my coworker’s spot, which means his car almost always has bird poop on it. I’ve seen a number of birds (usually younger ones) walking along the top of my coworker’s car and seemingly intentionally slide down parts of it. Sometimes they start pecking at the body, which has left a number of small dents and chips on the hood and top. More than once, I’ve seen local parrots perch on the car and try to tear off the windshield wipers or the rubber bits around the windows, something I’ve never seen one do before.

On the one hand, I like watching birds. On the other hand, I know my coworker is upset by the constant damage and bird poop. The car is fairly expensive and my coworker complains about having to constantly clean and repair it. On the third hand, I don’t really care for this coworker and get a mild thrill every time I see big birds walking across the hood of his car.

Should I start trying to scare away the birds when I see them?

This was posted in Friday’s open thread and I’m pulling it over here because it’s important that it be brought to a wider audience.

The answer is: you must leave the birds to their project. They have a grudge against your coworker for a reason, and they must be allowed to carry out their plan or you risk them turning on you. (Or in the words of someone on Bluesky, “This motherfucker earned this. This is Bird Justice and OP should stay out of it.”)

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