Our Relationship Changed When She Kissed Her Friend’s Boyfriend

I met Abi last year at a time when I wasn’t even searching for love. She took my number from her brother’s phone, and that was how we started talking. She was 24. I was 31. And Abi… Abi was beautiful in a quiet, innocent way. The kind of girl you protect. The kind of girl you don’t want to spoil. She fell in love with me first, and I won’t lie, it felt good. It felt like I had finally met someone who saw me differently.

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It was a long-distance relationship. We met in Accra when she came to stay briefly with her brother. He was overprotective, so most of our conversations happened only when she got back to school. Still, we grew close. Close enough that when I proposed, she said yes. Close enough that when I told her that proving her love meant giving me her virginity, she gave it to me wholeheartedly.

I met her family. They welcomed me, told me she was their jewel, and begged me to take care of her. I took her home too. My family loved her. And for a moment, I thought this story had already written its happy ending.

Then January came.

She sent me a screenshot of a conversation with her friend’s boss. He was inviting her to a church program. In their chat, he asked for her picture. After she sent one, he asked for more. Abi replied, “I will flood your phone with my pictures till your storage gets full.”

I’m a man. I know when another man has spotted a prey. And I know when a woman is giving him an open door. I confronted her. I asked her whether she was desperate for attention. “Cut him off,” I warned her.

She pretended to listen to me but things only got worse between us. Her messages became dry. Her calls became short. The girl who used to talk to me for five hours suddenly had nothing to say for one minute. I tried to talk to her about it. She responded with indirect insults. It shook me. In almost two years, I had never seen that side of her.

Then her brother called me.

He said his sister had been seeing a guy who picked her up every Sunday morning for church and brought her home at 10:30 pm… sometimes 11 pm. He came to the house on weekdays. When he mentioned the guy’s name, it was the same man I told her to avoid.

Her friend—the one who introduced her boss to Abi—left the church and even resigned from the job because the same boss was dating her until Abi came into the picture. She told me she had warned Abi that the man was a flirt. Abi didn’t listen. Instead, she told him everything her friend confided in her.

Abi’s mother stepped in and settled things. I asked her to come to Accra so we could talk and try again. She postponed it to February. February to March. March to April. Always pushing me away gently, like someone packing a suitcase but pretending they aren’t leaving.

During Easter break, I travelled to Kumasi. We planned to spend three days together. She came for only one night. She arrived dressed differently. She wore a scarf on her head, and a long straight dress, which gave her the look of someone who had been attending a church she claimed not to go to.

I checked her phone. She had cleared her chats and call logs. But WhatsApp call history doesn’t lie. Video calls. Audio calls. And the painful part? She was the one calling him more than he called her.

I asked her what exactly this man meant to her. She said she calls him whenever she reads the Bible and needs clarification.

The next day she went to “church” and said she would come to my place afterwards. She never came. Her family called me, asking why their daughter wasn’t answering her phone. I wasn’t shocked. I had already accepted that she could lie with ease, even to people she claimed to love.

When she finally returned home, she faced a family meeting. Her father asked her to quit the church. She refused. He asked her to choose between the church and her family. She said she wouldn’t choose. The man said he would go to the church himself and ask them if salvation now includes kissing people’s daughters and asking them for nudes.

Still, she didn’t choose me. That is what haunts me.

Why would a woman throw away almost two years of love, loyalty, and investment… for a man she just met? A man who never proposed. A man she pursued. A man living in a mission house, raised by a pastor. Why?

I set her up after nursing school. I supported her. I was there in ways that drained me. And after everything exploded, she didn’t call. Not even once. It took five days for her to send a long apology on WhatsApp. I read it and left it there. She sent another one. Same response.

Is There A Perfect One Out There For Everyone?

What do I have to say to her? She chose her path. I am just wondering if giving her virginity to me was of no value to her. Well… I can only wish her well. It is well with me as well.

—Nubi

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