Our Ranking of Every Song on ‘The Life of a Showgirl’

If there’s one thing Taylor Swift is going to do, it’s feed her fans. Since 2020, Swift has released nine albums, totalling well over 100 songs. Sure, four of those albums were rerecords, but even they were accompanied by previously unreleased “From The Vault” tracks. With the release of The Life of a Showgirl, Taylor Swift gifted fans with 12 new songs to obsess over. And while we’re a little sad there’s been no surprise drop of additional music (so far), The Life of a Showgirl has already cemented itself in our hearts and playlists. Truthfully, after staying up into the wee hours of the morning while we listened to and ranked Midnights and The Tortured Poets Department, The Life of a Showgirl’s 12 songs are a blessing to us elder millennials who need more sleep than we used to. Besides, it’s not as if this era is completely devoid of bonus content; we’ll all be heading to the movie theaters this weekend clad in blue crewnecks and cardigans for The Official Release Party of a Showgirl.

We spent the night listening (and relistening) to The Life of a Showgirl to bring you this ranking. The results are entirely based on our first impressions, so we may yet come to eat our words. (See: My comically low ranking of Midnight’s “Maroon”, which I now consider an all-time favorite). For now, here’s our ranking of every song on The Life of a Showgirl—our Ranking of a Showgirl, if you will.

Meet Our Swifties

GARRI CHAVERST
Senior Managing Editor

Favorite Album: reputation
Favorite Song: “Death by a Thousand Cuts”

ASHLEY SELLEKE
Branded Content Managing Editor

Favorite Album: Folklore
Favorite Song: “champagne problems”

MCKENNA PRINGLE
Branded Content Assistant

Favorite Album: Folklore
Favorite Song: “Enchanted”

Our Official The Life of a Showgirl Ranking

12. Wood

Garri: 4/5

I absolutely adore this song’s Jackson 5 vibes. It’s catchy as hell and one I’ll be singing and playing on repeat all of the time.

Ashley: 1/5

Five seconds into this song, I yelled, “yaaaas Motown let’s get it!” But as a girl who loves cheeky wordplay, I’m shocked that I’m not vibing with this one. That could change, but for right now, I’m stuck on questioning, “Why does this work for Sabrina but not for Taylor?” Either way, I’m genuinely so happy my girl is getting that d.

McKenna: 2.5/5

Someone took some notes from Sabrina Carpenter’s book, hello! This is her lowkey “House Tour”. The production is up to my liking on this one, for sure. Catchy, silly, goofy, woo, I’m dancin’! Also, the New Heights name drop is so funny. I know Travis started kicking his feet when he heard that one for the first time.

11. CANCELLED!

Garri: 3/5

Don’t get me wrong, I do really enjoy this song. Unfortunately, the lyrics are a little too on the nose for my liking. It has the appeal as “Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?” which, while I loved initially, quickly grew grating. I fear this song is going to go the same direction.

Ashley: 3/5

Like “Wi$h Li$t,” I was a little worried this one would be cringe, and despite not loving hearing the world “girl-boss” in a song, I’ll say I like it more than I thought I would. Not my favorite, but giving it a solid 3 because I love the line “bring a tiny violin to a knife fight,” and I’m all for having an anthem dedicated to the women scorned.

McKenna: 2/5

I soooo badly wanted her to get into her reputation bag with this one (not to overly compare her to her old eras, but you know what I mean), but it just fell flat. Hearing “Did you girl-boss too close to the sun” and “I like ‘em cloaked in Gucci and in scandal” made my whole body tense up a bit. Again, where did my dear English teacher go? I do love “Did you make a joke only a man could” because that really is so true, but alas, not my fave.

10. Wi$h Li$t

Garri: 4/5

If in “Father Figure,” Taylor is stepping into her musical mob boss persona, “Wi$h Li$t” is pulling back the curtain on that lifestyle. She doesn’t need the rich, fast-paced, celebrity life. Rather, she wants a simple, happy, settled life with the person she loves. I love the song’s simplistic message and how it neatly demonstrates a facet of the showgirl we don’t often get to see—the one who wants a slow, simple, happy life.

Ashley: 2/5

I was absolutely terrified to listen to this one because I found the dollar signs to be a bit too elder millennial for my taste, and I’ll say this: I wasn’t as offended as I’d thought I’d be. Taylor mentioned this was her favorite on the album, which did shock me a bit because nothing about it jumped out at me on my first listen. It’s definitely a song for the lover girls out there, and I’ll hold space for that. But for me, the messaging just felt a bit too cliché. It was at this point in the album that the Folklore/Tortured Poet’s Department stan in my heart gave up any hopes of getting any soul-shifting, gutwrenching storylines, which is fine, and to be fair, we were warned.

McKenna: 2/5

This is so Lover coded. It’s falling very much into the “Paper Rings” and “London Boy” wheelhouse for me. I like the cheekiness and more lighthearted approach to a love song. Never thought I’d see the day where she says “fuckin’ lit”, “Balenci’ shades”, and “Real Madrid” in any songs, let alone all in the same one. There’s a first for everything, I suppose.

9. Ruin the Friendship

Garri: 3.5/5

I’m going to be honest, this song wasn’t doing it for me on the first listen. But the bridge and plot twist really got to me on subsequent listens. This song is wistful, sad, and nostalgic. While we might not relate to the entirety of this song, who amongst us hasn’t spent an afternoon daydreaming about long-lost crushes? Extra half-point here because I truly did not expect this song to hit me in the gut the way it did at first.

Ashley: 3/5

OK, I’ll say this. On first listen, I wrote this one off. Like, really. I’m pretty sure I said aloud, “Nope, I haven’t said the words ‘second period’ since 2012, and we’re not going back there.” But after missing and later catching the GUT PUNCH that came with the words “the bad news,” I’ve evolved and bumped up my ranking slightly. For me, accounting for the details that I missed in round one transformed the song’s narrative from “great white buffalo” to one that was immediately more existential, heavy, and emotional. And that is the Taylor storytelling that I have a soft spot for.

McKenna: 2/5

Abigail name drop in 2025, girls, we’re up!!!!! If she’s not the maid of honor at the Tayvis Royal Wedding, then truly, what is the point? OK, back on track…once again, the lyrics are just falling short for me. Where is my beloved English teacher, Ms. Swift? And, this production is a bit snooze city for my liking. I do love that she ended a friends-to-lovers anthem with, “And my advice is always answer the question, better that than to ask it all your life,” because ain’t that the truth, but that was really the only part that got me up.

8. Eldest Daughter

Garri: 5/5

I’ve always been a track five truther, and “Eldest Daughter” hits just as hard as Taylor’s previous entries in this category. I love that this song is equal parts emotionally raw and hopeful. As an eldest daughter myself, I really connect with the secret desire for softness that Taylor puts into words here.

Ashley: 2/5

With this being one of Taylor’s notorious, emotionally devastating track fives, I had high hopes for this song, but something about it is preventing it from landing for me. I really thought this would be more of an ode to the older sister experience (which is a bit selfish of me, I’ll admit). Beyond “every eldest daughter was the first lamb to the slaughter,” it’s more of an ode to the soft girls living in a world that rewards having a thick skin (I think…I’m sure the Swifties will open my eyes to a bigger meaning at some point). TLDR: I had the tissues ready but didn’t need ‘em.

McKenna: 1.5/5

I’m nothing if not a track five stan, I really am! So my heart dropped a bit when I finished listening to this. I love the sentiment, and any moment she decides to pull the curtain back to show that vulnerability underneath the ~bad bitch facade~, I have to appreciate. However, I feel like she completely missed the mark with the lyrics. The entire first verse sounds like an SNL sketch…like, this can’t be the same mind that wrote the bridge to “champagne problems”. There are more clever, complex, and/or poetic ways to say people trash you online than “Every joke’s just trolling and memes, sad as it seems, apathy is hot.” Sigh.

7. Actually Romantic

Garri: 4/5

This is what Taylor wanted “thanK you AImee” to be. “Actually Romantic” is the exact level of petty I love to see. It’s clever, it’s catchy, and it’s fun. Will be listening and singing on repeat.

Ashley: 4/5

“Mean” walked so “Actually Romantic” could run, and this little doo-dad is a song for the haters. As a ‘90s gal, this song feels so “Teenage Dirtbag” to me, and for that reason alone, I’ll deem it one of my favorites. There were a few seconds before really absorbing the lyrics that my brain said, “Ah, yes, this is about a man, down with the men.” But after a few seconds of letting her words sink in, I was a bit disappointed to realize this is about a woman, which isn’t my favorite trope (unless it’s very much warranted because I have a justice complex). If it’s in response to “Sympathy is a Knife” as speculated, I’m not sure that it’s landing. But on its own, without the cultural context? Certified bop.

McKenna: 1/5

This sounds like a Weezer song, which I am deeply obsessed with. Outside of that, this isn’t my cup of tea for a myriad of reasons. I will always be a Swifitie to my core, so I’m simply going to leave it at I won’t be coming back to this song in my usual rotation.

6. Father Figure

Garri: 4/5

“Father Figure” is Taylor Swift owning the fact that she IS the music industry. I really love it when she steps into this confidence, and it feels entirely fitting for this stage in her career. She’s the best and she knows it. At the same time, it feels like just one of many characters Taylor plays on this album. This one is the mob boss who quite literally runs the show and can make or break you. I’m obsessed with it.

Ashley: 4/5

With the recent resurgence of George Michael’s Father Figure on TikTok (thanks, Nikki K and Babygirl), I was gooped and gagged to learn she sampled it for this one. The “because my dick is bigger” line had me clutching my pearls and saying “YES, MOMMY.” To echo McKenna’s point: If I’m letting my mind get pigeonholed into it being about a protege vs. about a state of mind, I had the same thoughts on the Olivia front. Regardless, I’ll be turning the volume up on this bad boy when I’m having a mama-needs-to-take-care-of-business moment.

McKenna: 2/5

I do love how she went about sampling George Michael’s original “Father Figure”—sonically it’s subtle, and lyrically it’s clever. While there’s no denying her impact on the music industry, and she has every right to own that, I can’t help but be a liiiiiittle bit put off by her going guns blazing at someone who obviously was very early on in their career. Maybe I’m being too sensitive defending Olivia Rodrigo (because truly, who else could this be about?), but that’s just me! Also, when she sings “Your thoughtless ambition sparked the ignition, on foolish decisions which led to misguided visions, that to fulfill your dreams, you had to get rid of me,” it sounds like she’s tripping over words a bit…like that could’ve been workshopped. I am SORRY.

5. Elizabeth Taylor

Garri: 5/5

Unfortunately, I do need the lyric, “I would trade the Cartier for someone to trust (Just kidding)” on my tombstone. The chorus is incredibly catchy here. I already know I’ll be listening to this on repeat a la “I Did Something Bad”; something about when Taylor does beat drops really scratches my brain.

Ashley: 3/5

Pre-album release and from the title alone, I really thought this song would give Clara Bow vibes. I won’t lie: On my first listen, this one didn’t stick out to me. I was quick to say, “meh,” until I heard the beat drop and it clicked for me. This one is SO reputation coded, and for that nostalgia alone, I’ll give it a middle-of-the-road rating. I might feel more connected to the lyrics once I do some research on the Elizabeth Taylor lore (I’m sure there are plenty of Easter eggs going right over my head), but for now I’m on the fence for this one.

McKenna: 3/5

The Musso and Frank’s Resy website crash is now imminent. C’mon, shouting out independent businesses! But anyway, this is fine for me. It’s definitely reminiscent of reputation, and I am a sucker for a beat drop, but the lyrics don’t really do it for me–and that’s always my favorite element of a Taylor song. I will say my head perked up a bit when I heard “Been number one but I never had two”, but that’s about it.

4. Honey

Garri: 5/5

I absolutely love the production and sound in “Honey.” This also might be one of the most romantic songs Taylor has ever written. It’s insanely sweet and really captures the modern woman’s experience. It reminds me of going out in my twenties in LA, having interaction after interaction filled with passive-aggressive one-liners thinly veiled as niceties. It was exhausting. Finally, Taylor sings of what it’s like to find someone whose love and praise are real. Every time I hear it, I make this face: Read Original