Our Marriage Died the Day I Found a Positive Pregnancy Kit in Her Bag

My son was six years old when I married my wife. My wife also had a daughter. Her daughter was seven years old when we got married. Our dreams were the same. She was looking for a responsible man who would love her and also love her daughter. I was looking for a woman with a mother’s heart to love me and my son, because I knew that at some point, I would bring my son to live with whoever I married.

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The father of my wife’s daughter is abroad. According to her, once she got pregnant, the man asked her to abort the baby so the child would not become a distraction to his dream of traveling abroad. She refused, and because of that, the man left her. She was eight months pregnant when the man traveled abroad.

The woman I had a baby with actually didn’t want me or my baby. I later came to learn that she was waiting for another man to marry her. When she got pregnant, she didn’t tell me. She wanted to secretly get rid of it, but it didn’t work. In the process, she nearly died. She took medicine, and the medicine knocked her down instead of the baby. That was when I found out she was pregnant. Right there in the hospital, I knew our relationship had come to an end.

The two of us came into this marriage bruised from our pasts and were looking for comfort and safety in love. I loved her genuinely, and the love from her was also genuine. We wanted to get pregnant immediately after marriage so we could have our own child to cement the marriage.

We worked hard after our wedding—day, night, and dawn. We were always awake, trying our best to get a child as soon as possible. One year passed silently without a pregnancy. Then another year, and then another. One day, we woke up and realized it had been five years without a child. Within these years, it had always been about my wife’s daughter. I loved her so much that I took her to places. I bought her new things every week. I helped with her homework and taught her a thing or two about life. I was always by her side while I struggled to bring my son into our house.

Her mother said she wouldn’t agree for me to take my son, even though she didn’t have the time to take care of him. My wife did very well. We went to my baby mama together. She spoke to her woman to woman, promising that she would be a better mother to the boy. My ex didn’t agree.

The first fight between me and my wife happened when I realized she had started talking to her daughter’s father. I saw a foreign call on her phone, and she told me it was him. I asked myself, “Oh, since when—without my knowledge?”

That day, I checked her phone and saw that they had been chatting for over a year. According to the chats, the man’s family had met her family and brought drinks to apologize so they could accept the child. The man abroad had been sending her money every month for the upkeep of the child.

Meanwhile, I was the one paying for everything concerning the girl’s life. I showed the messages to her. She said she didn’t know how to tell me because she didn’t want to hurt me, knowing how much I loved the girl. I was still angry. “You’ve been taking money from him all this while and I didn’t know? What have you been using the money for?” She answered, “I’m saving it for the child’s future. I know one day he will stop sending us money.”

This issue weighed so heavily on my heart that I called her parents and questioned them about why none of them had officially told me. They said they thought I knew about it. I asked, “How would I know when no one talks to me about these things?”

That suspicion took away the trust I had for her, so I started monitoring her ways. When I suggested we seek the help of a doctor to get pregnant, she told me, “You have one and I have one too. What could be wrong with us? It’s God who gives. Let’s wait for the appointed time.”

We talked about it. We fought about it. I knew we needed help, or at least we needed to see a doctor. She always resisted until one day she grudgingly agreed for us to go. The tests showed that we were fine and at our fertile best. The doctor was surprised that we were struggling. He asked if we lived together, and we said yes. He asked how many times we had sex in a week. When we told him, he said, “That should be enough.”

One day, I decided to go into her bag. I don’t know what I was looking for, but I felt I had to look for something. I found a pregnancy test kit wrapped in paper. I opened it, and it had been used. Two red stripes were clearly showing. I asked myself, “Oh, she’s pregnant and not telling me? Is she trying to surprise me?”

I folded it carefully and placed it back in the bag exactly the way I had found it. Happiness filled my heart, but I had to act normal so she wouldn’t get a hint that I knew the secret she was hiding from me.

A week passed. Then another. She didn’t say anything. So I asked her calmly, with all the love in my heart, “So when are you going to tell me that we are pregnant?” She responded sharply, “You and who? Who is pregnant for who?” I confessed, “I saw it in your bag. The evidence was very clear. Why are you not telling me?”

She acted confused, so I told her I had found the kit in her bag. She asked, “A kit in whose bag? And the kit told you I was pregnant?” At that point, my joy turned into anger. I took her bag and searched through every corner, but there was no kit. I swore I had seen it. She swore she had never had anything like that. I screamed, “You’re pregnant.” She retorted, “I’m not pregnant.” I said, “Let’s go to the hospital to check.”

I regret wasting time when I first saw it. I don’t know how long she had kept it in her bag, but if I had acted swiftly, maybe I would have seen some signs. We went to the hospital, and the result was negative. To date, my wife still denies that she ever had a used pregnancy test kit in her bag. The way she makes me feel like a fool is what hurts me the most.

I have conspiracy theories. I believe she got pregnant and secretly got rid of it. If she did that, then it means she’s responsible for our inability to get pregnant. But why? That’s where the biggest conspiracy theory comes in. Maybe she’s preventing pregnancy, hoping her man abroad will return one day and marry her.

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We are medically fine, so why are we struggling to have a child? Or does she not want us to have a child, thinking our child would compete for affection with her daughter? Things don’t add up, and currently, I am a wrecked man. I told her, “If this year ends without a pregnancy, our marriage is over.”

Truth be told, this marriage is spiritually over. There is no happiness here, and it is affecting everything. Even her daughter now annoys me. Maybe we won’t last a year. It is too toxic here for anything to grow—especially a marriage.

—Obed

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