“No agenda, only love”: How churches can win youths with eyes, heart, hands and knees

There was a time when Rev Reuben Ng almost left the church.

When he was in his 20s, many of the friends he had grown up with were no longer in church. Some were in other churches, while others had left the faith altogether.

“The reason why I was still in church was because my mum sang in the choir,” said Rev Reuben.

Then a full-time National Serviceman, all he wanted to do was to stay at home on Sunday instead of going to church. But his mother would not hear of it.

“No, you come and play the piano for the choir,” she urged.

“So no choice lah. I kept going,” said Rev Reuben.

However, throughout the time he also prayed: “’Father, please let the choir find another pianist!’ Every Sunday, I was just waiting for the time I could escape.”

This continued until a youth leader noticed his odd behaviour.

Opening up about his personal journey, Rev Reuben was speaking to an audience of almost 1,400 on the topic of winning the youths.

“She realised that I would always come, play the piano and go home, but she didn’t know that I was thinking of leaving church.”

Filled with compassion, this youth leader decided to befriend Rev Reuben.

“She pulled two other young guys together and said: ‘Hey, from now on, this guy’s our mission. We’re going to reach out to him.’

“She never knew that one day I would become a Pastor.”

Now the President of the Methodist Church in Singapore’s Trinity Annual Conference, which represents 21 local churches, Rev Reuben said: “Times have changed, but there’s one thing I realised that hasn’t changed – God constantly still wants to win youths.”

Sharing this anecdote at the LoveSingapore Summit 2026, Rev Reuben proposed four tips for Pastors and leaders to win the youths.

1. Eyes of compassion

“What do our eyes see when we look at a youth?” questioned Rev Reuben.

Reading from a Newsweek article on the “Whiny Generation”, he quoted what was said about the next generation.

I’m fed up with the ceaseless carping of a handful of spoiled, self-indulgent, overgrown adolescents …

This is a generation that was raised with the highest standard of living in the history of the world.

By the time they arrived on the scene, their parents were comfortably established in the middle class and could afford to satisfy their offspring’s every whim. And they did, in spades.

“When we read this without knowing the date it was published, we will think this is relevant to how we view the young people today,” said Rev Reuben.

While this might sound like it is describing Gen Z or Gen Alpha, this article was actually written in 1993 by a Baby Boomer.

Addressing all the Gen X-ers (those aged 45-61) in the room, he said: “We were the object of the article – all the Senior Pastors, the leaders of churches and organisations … But God still used us.”

In fact, when BBC looked into their archives, they found that older people have always been griping about youths.

“All the complaints or criticisms were remarkably similar – over 2,000 years!” emphasised Rev Reuben.

The young were described as “spoiled”, “self-centred”, “arrogant” and “weak”, among other negative labels.

“You know what the danger is? We may be saying the same thing to the younger ones,” he said, cautioning the older generation to be careful of phrases such as “kids these days”.

Highlighting the example of Jesus, Rev Reuben asked: When we see youths, do we view them through the eyes of a shepherd?

Turning to Matthew 9:36, Rev Reuben acknowledged that the verse is not speaking about youths exclusively. However, one can still learn from how Jesus viewed the crowds with eyes of compassion instead of criticism.

He challenged: “I wonder: Can we begin to see youths like that?”

“Compassion is not sympathy,” he clarified. Instead, this feeling compels one to do something.

This can lead us to pray: “Help us to see in what areas they are lost without a shepherd, how they are harassed, how helpless they are, and then give us the ideas and the tools to reach them.”

“That’s the starting point – eyes.”

2. Hearts of love

“Be honest: Why do you want to win youths?”

While it is reasonable and logical for Pastors and leaders to plan for church continuity and succession, that should not be the driving force, said Rev Reuben.

“My starting point in wanting to win the youths must be because I love the youths, not because I think they can contribute in some way to my organisation or my church in time to come.”

John 3:16 may sound simplistic, but it is important to go back to the basics.

“We want youths because we love them. Why? Because God loved them enough that Jesus died for them.”

As love can be “very nebulous”, Rev Reuben suggested that one concrete expression is time spent with the person.

Revealing how he ended up not leaving the church, Rev Reuben shared that the two guys who were assigned to reach out to him many years ago were instrumental.

“The youth leader discipled them and taught them that if you love someone, you will spend time with them,” he said, adding that they even roped him in to form a team for a jigsaw puzzle competition.

“After a while, I stayed in church, got assimilated into the youth group and began serving there.”

Winning the youths can sometimes be “very inefficient”, he confessed, as this involves sitting down with them, hearing them out, withholding judgement and listening until you can offer advice for them to consider.

“You spend so much time with someone, but there’s no guarantee.”  

Reminding everyone that Jesus, too, spent much time with his 12 disciples only to have one person betray him, Rev Reuben warned: “Be prepared for that.”

It also does not mean that the people whom you are investing your time in are going to become Pastors or leaders.

“That’s not the point. The point is that they come to know Jesus, and they stay on in church and then become a disciple and a child of Christ.”

To win youths, churches must first check their hearts, he underscored.

“No agenda, only love. And love equals time.”

3. Hands that send out

Throwing out another question, Rev Reuben asked: “What are we using our hands for?”

Referring to Matthew 9:37-38 where Jesus urged His disciples to “pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out labourers into his harvest”, Rev Reuben said that the root word used for “send out” in Greek is the same as “casting out” unclean spirits in Matthew 10:1.

“It is not a gentle nudge,” he said. “There is this idea of forceful ejection. You eject them.”

Encouraging Pastors and leaders to give youths a vision that is bigger than just their church ministry, Rev Reuben highlighted Jeremiah 1:5.

“I’d like to believe that God has appointed our young people for different things that He has placed in their hearts,” he said.

For instance, para-church organisations Youth With A Mission and Cru were founded by Christians who were in their 20s: Loren Cunningham and Bill Bright, respectively.

“Journey with them, help them to sense and clarify God’s appointment, and then send them out to do what God calls them to do.”

Encouraging church leaders to be willing to send youths out, Rev Reuben (left) urged them not to diminish God’s vision and call for the young in their congregation.

Just as Paul advises Timothy to not “let anyone look down on you because you are young” (1 Timothy 4:12), it is a reminder for Pastors and leaders to examine their own attitudes towards youths.

“Who are the ones that are looking down on them? Maybe me.”

Similar to how the prophet Jeremiah was skeptical about his appointment due to his age, youths of today will also have doubts.

“We should be here as senders to say: ‘No, you’re not too young. If God calls you to do something, if God places a vision in your heart to reach the harvest for Him, go out.’”

Admitting that the act of sending youths out might come at the expense of local congregations, he said: “We are not here to make our own churches grow … We are here as one body to ensure that the harvest is being reached.”

“We want to win the youths, but when we win them, it’s not to keep them in. Our hands are to send and not to stop them from going out.”

4. Knees that bow

Finally, the most important thing is to have a posture that yearns for the presence of God.

After Moses had led the Israelites out of Egypt and was standing at the edge of the Promised Land, he uttered these words: “If your Presence does not go with us, do not send us up from here.” (Exodus 33:15)

These words might sound baffling, but it was because Moses knew the value of God’s presence, said Rev Reuben.

“He is effectively saying this, ‘I will forego the land of milk and honey if your Presence is not there, and willingly stay in the wilderness if your Presence is here.’”

Moses’ trajectory in life was completely changed the moment he encountered God in the burning bush (Exodus 3).

Saul, who used to persecute Christians, was also transformed when he met God on the road to Damascus (Acts 9).

“What makes us different from any youth club, youth organisation or young people’s association is that we have the presence of God,” he elaborated.

Even though a church might not have the best sermons, nicest worship or flashiest events, people will come when they encounter God, continued Rev Reuben.

“It’s not the songs that we sing, the size of our groups or the strategies that we come up with. It’s the presence of God.”

In planning for their programmes, are Pastors and leaders more concerned about the absence of trouble (eg, rain, technical difficulties) or the presence of God?

“It is on us – it is our responsibility to constantly come before God. As the Psalmist says in Psalm 95:6, ‘Let us bow down in worship. Let us kneel before the Lord our Maker.’”

If we want to win our youths, we must have the presence of God, concluded Rev Reuben.

“When (the youths) experience the living God and encounter Him like Moses or Saul, then everything changes and we win them for the glory of God.”

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