my old employer wants me back, hiring manager offered me a lower-level job than I applied for, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My old employer wants me back

I recently switched jobs from an in-office position to a fully remote position due to it being a better fit for my life. When I resigned, my work made it extremely hard for me to leave. They offered me fully remote (when previously they would not allow me to even work from home when my kids were sick) and a $20,000 salary bump. I was exasperated with the whole situation and decided to stay the course with my new gig.

Fast forward a month and they are contacting me weekly asking me if I’m ready to come back yet — everybody from the billing manager to the practice manager. I mentioned to my practice manager that while I missed and enjoyed the work at their office, I enjoyed my new hours, remote work, and pay equally. She asked me what it would take for me to come back and told me to make my terms, which I did. I then received an email from the practice owner saying he was delighted at the prospect of my return and would be agreeable to fully remote, but wanted to know if I could come down on my salary ask. I asked for $41.35 an hour. I’m currently at $36.50 + overtime and bonuses and my current employer pays 100% on health/dental/vision for myself and my children, a four-month fully paid maternity leave, and a ridiculous amount of other perks that I have never seen employers in the U.S. offer. It is a unicorn job. However, if the money was right at my old position, I would consider going back.

Am I in the wrong for expecting them to do more than just match my current compensation package when I feel like I would be making sacrifices to go back? They are not set up for fully remote. Fully remote with them would mean I can work from home but I still have to drive into the office every day to do pickups and drop offs. It would mean I still couldn’t take a laptop with me and work from wherever I wanted. It would also mean I couldn’t move out of the state, which is something I have been wanting to do for a long time. For all these reasons, I think they should exceed my current compensation by a fair amount. When he asked me to go lower, I went down to $40 but said that was my firm stop. I haven’t heard back from him since and this was three days ago. Did I offend him or do you think he’s trying to see a way to budget that hourly into the mix?

I doubt you offended him, although maybe he realizes it’s a lost cause. (And if you did offend him by plainly stating what you would need to consider the offer, then it’s good that his quest is a lost cause.) But more importantly, it doesn’t sound like you should be considering going back at all, even if they do meet your terms.

You’re not obligated to work for them again just because they really, really want you to. You have a set-up right now that sounds superior in multiple ways and even if your old job matches your salary request — in fact, even if they matched all the other benefits of the new job, which they’re not going to — it still would be an inferior situation for all the reasons you listed. Moreover, there’s no guarantee that they wouldn’t decide a few months after you returned that having you be fully remote wasn’t working after all and pressure you to work from the office again.

You left because this job made it clear they weren’t enthusiastic about offering what you wanted. You found a job that was. Unless there’s something really problematic at the new job that you haven’t mentioned, it’s not in your interests to try to negotiate this! You left; don’t go backwards.

(Also, for what it’s worth, having all those people contact you to ask if you’re “ready” to go back is pretty weird! If it was that important to them to keep you, they had plenty of chances to do it before you decided to leave. They chose not to.)

Related:
my company made a counter-offer to keep me — and now is attaching strings to it

2. Should I report inappropriate teacher behavior several years later?

I recently went through a child protection training that is pretty standard for teachers. Part of that training described appropriate communication, and it sparked a memory from a few years ago when I first began teaching. A student told me that he and a teacher would stay up all night texting and all through weekends. He even showed me his phone and the text chain from the evening before that was hundreds of messages long over a four-hour period from 1-5 am. He told me they did this all the time. I thought it was a little strange but in my naïveté as a young, new teacher, I assumed this teenaged boy was close to this (female) teacher. After this training and with some wisdom, I can see how inappropriate this is and how it is potentially predatory.

I am wondering, should I report this now, so many years later? I know her boss, and she has told me that she is always concerned over this teacher’s boundaries with students. Also, she has a school phone since she is a coach, and the messages were sent from it. I feel uncomfortable sitting on this info but I am not sure how to proceed.

Yes, you should report it, particularly since this was only a few years ago, not decades ago. You can say, “I was uneasy about it at the time but after taking a child protection training, I realize this is something I should report.”

The teacher’s behavior was absolutely inappropriate. At a minimum she has a massive gap in her knowledge about safe boundaries to protect kids, and at a non-minimum it’s grooming and predatory behavior. It’s something the school needs to know about and address.

3. “Thanks for the sympathy but I don’t really need it”

My wife’s mother passed away last week. She was a complicated person who struggled with mental illness, and many of her relationships with family members were strained. I’ve never met my mother-in-law; she was invited, but did not attend our wedding. My wife had been estranged from her mother most of her adult life, but had recently gotten back in touch.

My leadership and team at work were amazing when I let them know that I’d be intermittently unavailable the following week for out-of-state travel and funeral activities. My manager even requested details of where to send flowers. The thing is, I view this week as more of an obligation and show of support for my wife with her family, versus a time to process devastating grief for a beloved family member. What’s the best way to say, “Thanks, but I’m not really that sad. Feel free to continue to email me with work stuff, and don’t bother sending flowers”? It sounds heartless without the backstory, but I also don’t feel comfortable ambushing my unsuspecting team with my wife’s family drama. The only reason that I needed to take nearly a full week off was because the funeral was located in a small town with no fast/convenient way to get there.

What’s the best way to approach this situation where: (1) I don’t want to take advantage of my team’s good will, which may have been offered under the assumption that this situation is more emotionally impactful than it really is; (2) I’d rather bank that good will and cash it in at some point in the future when I really need it for a more devastating/impactful personal disruption.

I don’t think you need to explain it! There’s a very wide range of closeness to in-laws, and people are generally aware that anyone in your shoes could be having a response anywhere from “devastating personal loss” to “here to support my spouse.” You can certainly say something like, “I appreciate it! She’s not someone I knew well, so for me this week is really about supporting Jane” … but I don’t even think that’s necessary, and you’re not taking advantage of (or using up) anyone’s good will.

4. Hiring manager offered me a lower-level job than I applied for

I recently applied for a role one level up on a new team that’s currently building itself up. I completed an internal HR screen and an interview with the hiring manager that seemed to go well. The next week, the recruiter told me that the hiring manager saw potential in me, but also saw gaps in experience that meant she wanted to bring me in the same role at a lower level — the level I currently am at. I asked for time to think it over, then sent a follow-up email the same day asking if the hiring manager herself could detail what gaps she saw in me. No response as of yet.

What are the potential reasons for a manager to offer this? Do they genuinely believe that I’m not actually qualified at the level I applied for, but just qualified enough for one level down? Are they trying to save money? Are there potentially some internal politics going on in regards to my years of experience? Do they have better candidates with more experience? If so, why not just offer to them instead? Is the hiring manager expecting to shift the work around to reflect the lower level (and salary)? Is this usually successful? Are there other reasons on the hiring side that I’m not seeing?

This offer honestly left a bad taste in my mouth; I think I would’ve been more willing to consider it had the hiring manager herself proposed it to me with some detail around exactly what gaps she saw. Please let me know if I’m missing something.

The most likely explanation is what they said it is: the hiring manager likes you but thinks your skills and/or experience aren’t at the level of the original role and you’d be a better fit for the job she did offer. Sure, it’s possible that there are some politics around your years of experience (like if other people on the team have been told they’re not ready to move up until they have more experience than you have), but it’s just as likely not to be that and instead is exactly what they said.

I don’t know exactly how your email asking about the gaps was worded, but ideally you would have just asked for a conversation with the hiring manager to learn more about the differences in the job being offered, and as part of that conversation could have asked where she thought your skills needed to develop in order to be ready for the higher-level position. That’s a good conversation to have anyway, because you do need to know the differences in the two roles. (I’m hopeful that your response didn’t come across as just “justify these alleged gaps,” which could seem off-key as opposed to “can you help me understand the differences in the two roles,” but it would depend on the exact wording.)

5. I’m paid 25% above market but want to change jobs

I’m facing a bit of a first-world dilemma — one I recognize I’m lucky to have. Due to a combination of circumstances, I’m currently earning about 25% above the market average for someone in my role and with my level of experience.

The problem is, I’m miserable in my job and really want to make a change. Unfortunately, no other opportunities are offering a similar salary, so I’m left with a tough choice: stay in a well-paying but unhappy role, or take a significant pay cut for the chance at greater job satisfaction. I’d really appreciate any advice you or your readers might have. I’m not based in the U.S., so benefits like health insurance don’t factor into the decision.

Yeah, being paid significantly above market rate can make it really hard to leave.

Assuming you have an idea of what you could expect to be paid if you change jobs, can you try living at that salary level for a while to see how you feel about it? Hell, open a separate bank account to put the “extra” money in so you’re not tempted to see it as yours. Maybe you’ll realize it’s perfectly doable and you’ll feel more comfortable switching jobs, or maybe it will make you realize you’d rather stay where you are. Either way, it should help to test out the change before deciding.

The post my old employer wants me back, hiring manager offered me a lower-level job than I applied for, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.