My Husband Wants Me To Send Money To His Parents Because He’s Unemployed

My husband has been unemployed for a year and a half. He doesn’t want to do anything else apart from getting back into the corporate world. I’ve even tried to convince him to start his own business and grow it, but he said no. He says he knows some friends and top-level executives who are trying to find him a job.

So I wake up in the morning and go to work while he stays at home. In the early stages, he could at least contribute housekeeping money from his savings. It was the same savings he used to send money home to his parents and siblings. He was hoping he would get a new job as soon as possible, but his savings ran dry before a new job could materialize.

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I was the same person who advised him to use those savings to start something on his own so I could support him with my savings too. He didn’t listen. So a few months into his unemployment, I took over everything in the house, including giving him pocket money to cover his daily expenses.

We have two children, a two-year-old and a six-year-old. My husband would wake up at dawn and get the older boy ready for school. The two-year-old hasn’t started school yet, so he stays home with him. He would pick up the older boy after school and take care of both children until I returned home.

I didn’t ask him to do these chores. Maybe he felt it was the right thing to do to help the family. When he was working, he never did any of that. I asked him to buy a washing machine when he was working. I begged him to the extent that I was ready to contribute 50% of the cost so we could buy one. He would always find a reason to postpone the purchase.

He started doing the laundry himself and then asked me to buy a washing machine. I used to do the laundry on Saturdays or Sundays, but because he was always home, he washed clothes whenever there was something to wash so the pile wouldn’t become too much. I thanked him for doing that work. With time, he took over all the household chores. He wouldn’t even do them in my presence so I could help. By the time I returned from work, everything had already been done.

So naturally, our roles changed. Whenever money was needed, he turned to me. It’s always hard carrying everything alone, but I didn’t complain, especially because he had taken some of the burden off me. But then two problems arose. Our sex life started to suffer.

He stopped initiating. For a long time, he didn’t come to me, so I decided to go to him because I needed the intimacy. Everything was okay at first until he started giving me excuses. “I’m too tired. I’ve been on my feet all day.” Or, “I’m having waist pains. I spent all day washing and cleaning.”

At first, I thought his unemployment was affecting his desire, but later, when the excuses became too many and too varied, I asked him to stop doing certain things around the house so he could rest. He still gave me excuses. Today, getting my husband to be intimate with me would require prayer and fasting.

On top of that, he expects me to send money to his parents every month. This has been our biggest fight since he became unemployed. I told him he should let his parents know they should expect less because he was no longer working. He didn’t do it until he had exhausted all his savings.

When he asked me to send whatever little I could to them, I told him I couldn’t do that. I said if they needed something specific and I was able to help, I would. But at the end of every month, he would ask me, “Anything for my parents?” He knows the answer will be no, but he still asks.

These days, he’s getting very upset over little things. He asks me if I don’t send money to my own parents. Or if, were he in my shoes, wouldn’t I expect him to send something to my parents?

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Now he wakes up early and leaves home, telling me he’s going to look for a job. He wants me to bring my mother to stay with us and take care of the kids while he leaves at dawn and returns at night. So we’ve been fighting a lot these days. I don’t like it. He doesn’t like it either. He’s doing all this and still expects me to give him money to go out and come home empty-handed.

I love him, and I know he loves me too. I haven’t thought about divorce, and I pray he hasn’t either. But things are becoming strange in the house, and it scares me. There’s no more intimacy. He’s no longer doing the chores he used to do. He only goes out and comes back, and that scares me. Only a job will save us but how?

—Sadia  

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