My Ex’s Wife Wants To Be My Friend

About four years ago, one of my directors at work tragically unalived himself when he discovered his wife’s affair. Within six months of his burial, another man was hired to replace him.

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Coincidentally, I kept bumping into the new director outside work. Later, I found out his apartment is in the same area where I live. Sometimes, he would ask his assigned driver to give me a lift whenever we crossed paths. Over time, we became close. I got to know a bit about his personal life.

A few months later, he proposed that we start a relationship. I was sceptical at first. Something about him told me he might not be single. Besides, I was also seeing someone else. However, with time, my heart thawed. I found myself falling for him. Before I knew it, I was drifting away from the man I had been dating.

At the beginning, he seemed caring, responsible, and attentive—always available and checking in on me. I was sure I had found the one.

But something unexpected happened. One evening, I attended a party in the estate where he lived and ran into him leaving his place with another woman. He saw me too, but we both pretended not to recognise each other. They got into his car and left. I was devastated but didn’t confront him or reach out.

A week later, he contacted me and tried to explain. The woman, he said, was his long-term girlfriend who lived and worked in another city but had come to visit. Despite his apologies, I decided to end things immediately. He asked that we remain friends, but my trust in him was gone, and we eventually drifted apart.

They got married a year later and now have children. During that time, I tried to rekindle my previous relationship, but it didn’t work out, so we also went our separate ways.

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Earlier this year, our office held a party where colleagues attended with their spouses. My director’s wife came along. He introduced me to her as his colleague. She was warm and friendly. Surprisingly, I liked her personality.

Now, the issue I’m facing is that she wants us to be friends. I can’t tell whether what I feel around her is guilt or what, but it makes me uneasy.

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She has my number now. So she often calls and asks that we hang out. We’ve met twice, just to chat about everyday life, but I still feel uncomfortable in her company.

During our last meeting, she even showed up with her husband. I couldn’t stay. I made an excuse and left early.

How can I politely distance myself from her without raising suspicion?

—Rafah

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