My Ex-Wife Left Me Seven Years Ago but Refuses to Finalize the Divorce

My ex-wife/wife and I are divorced, but the paper we signed says otherwise. It has been seven years, and I have asked her time and again to meet me in court and finish this. She was the one who asked for the divorce. She made it plain when she returned my drinks to my family, saying she was done with me for good.

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Seven years is a long time. Long enough to move on, and I have. I found a woman who is everything I ever asked for. Yet whenever I tell my ex-wife to have the papers sent, to finish this, she acts as if I am speaking into the wind. She does not hear me.

This is the story.

When I met my ex-wife, I was a man with almost nothing. A small salary and big dreams. She saw me. She believed in me when I had nothing. But she would not cook for me, or clean. When she visited, she did nothing. She said those were wifely duties, and I had not yet put a ring on her finger. So I did. I married a woman who came to me pure, who knew nothing of men. I was her first and I intended to be her last too. I taught her about intimacy with words. I didn’t touch her, not until our wedding night.

Things were good, for a time. Then I saved and got her a shop of her own. I set her up, my wife, like any other man. Not long after, she changed. I told myself it was the business. She needed to find her footing. I gave advice, I gave money, I gave patience. But all the house chores became mine. I would leave work early, stop at the market for what was needed, and rush home to cook. On weekends, I cooked, I scrubbed, I washed, and I cleaned, while she slept or went to work. Even sex became a problem, something I sometimes got on my knees to beg for.

Then, one day, I cheated. I needed to find the joy I was not getting from her. I seriously needed the release. But she caught me. I begged and I begged, but she did not want to hear me out. She only wanted out. She wanted the divorce, and she left.

It was painful. I tried to bring her back. I begged. I promised to do everything, to be her errands boy even. For a while, we were getting somewhere. It was like we were dating again, a slow step toward coming home. Then she changed. She moved on. I hear she is with someone now.

Now, I have moved on too. This new lady is younger, and she loves me. She does everything for me. I am building myself up again, and money is not plentiful, but she helps with the bills without complaint. She is down to earth. She is not like my ex-wife, whom I had to beg to lift a hand in our home. This woman does it all willingly.

But here is my problem. This lady is the answer to all my old prayers, yet I still feel love for my ex-wife burning inside me. I think of her all the time. When I call just to hear her voice, she shouts. She tells me not to call unless it is about our child.

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

I want to kill that old love. I want to pressure her to go to court, or go myself, and finally cut this last string. But something in me always stops. Then I turn and see this good woman, this beautiful person who makes me feel safe. And I feel another kind of pain, because I do not love her the way she deserves.

I am a man standing in two worlds, and I am completely confused.

—Fo. Yaw

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