MY BOYFRIEND ACCIDENTALLY CONFESSED HIS SINS IN FRONT OF ME WHILE HE WAS ASLEEP

When we started dating, he invited me to sleep over on several occasions and I declined. He said, “What about me coming over?” I said, “It’s the same thing. We can’t spend the night together yet.” We had dated for almost a year but no matter how long I stayed in his house, I always find a way of going back home. When he came over and wanted to sleep over, I always found a reason to push him out—not violently but in a manner he wouldn’t suspect that I was pushing him out.

One day he asked me, “So what at all is preventing you from spending the night with me? What are you scared of?” I told him, “I’m not scared of anything. It just doesn’t feel right for me to spend a night with you.” He screamed, “But what haven’t we done? I can draw you with my eyes close. When you give me the chance, I can draw your internal system on a slate and give it back to you so what right are you trying to keep?” 

That wasn’t the reason I didn’t want to spend the night with him. The truth of that matter is I snore when I sleep. It’s not that kind of light snoring, no. I’m talking about the Nika-Nika type of snoring. In school, my roommate recorded me at dawn and shared it on a group platform. That was the first time I was listening to myself snore. It was that bad. I felt so embarrassed that I fought with my roommate. We never talked again until we changed rooms. 

But from then, I became very aware of myself. I didn’t have a goodnight’s sleep until I was in the midst of people I felt comfortable with. I would wake up suddenly at dawn and check if someone was recording me. I would be sleeping but not sleeping. I can wake up twenty times before the morning comes. I didn’t want my boyfriend to experience that so for close to a year, I never spent a night with him. I’m the kind of girl who would like to sleep after sex but because of this snoring issue, I would stay awake and watch him sleep in the afternoons when we spend time together. 

I bought drugs. They worked until they didn’t work again. Some said it was about the sleeping position but how can I monitor my sleeping positing when I’m sleeping at dawn. My sister would tap me to wake me up. She said when I wake up and sleep again the snore doesn’t come immediately. It takes time and she would use that time I wasn’t snoring to slumber until she falls asleep.

 One day he asked me the same question again and I said, “The truth is I snore.” He smiled and asked, “What type of snore? The one that comes from the nose or the one from the down there?” I slapped his arm and we laughed. I said, “No I don’t fat. I snore. The Nika-Nika type of snoring. If you sleep in the same room with me for the first night, you might not sleep. It takes getting used to. It’s the reason I don’t want to spend a night with you.” Once I told him and he was receptive, I gained the confidence to try a night with him. I was asleep but wasn’t deeply asleep. At dawn, I heard a voice in the room so I woke up. My boyfriend was sitting on the bed and talking to himself.

He wasn’t making sense. He still looked dazed, like he was in a trance. I asked, “Hey what’s wrong with you?” He said, “The referee cheated. It should have been a goal but he took a corner.” I waved my hand in his face, “Hello, is everything alright?” He fell back on the bed and continued sleeping. I tapped him, “Hey are you ok?” He didn’t talk. The following morning I asked him, “What was that for? Talking about football in the middle of dawn. Or you thought you were in the room with those your friends?” He asked me, “At what time? Me? Talking about football?” I didn’t wake up again when I slept.”

I looked at him sternly n asked, ”Do you sleep-walk? You talk in your sleep?” He burst out laughing. He said, “You snore, I talk. One-one draw. Nobody should complain.”

It became a competition between us. I will record him talking in his sleep and he would revenge by recording me snoring. It didn’t hurt. It felt like a love fight. Like a pillow fight between lovers. You hit hard but a pillow is a pillow. It doesn’t hurt. 

Weeks ago the talking became rampant. It was annoying because anytime he did that I woke up. Sometimes it was like he was having an argument with a group of people. Suddenly he said, “How can you be pregnant? What happened to the money you took?” I reached out for my phone to record him but he didn’t say anything again. When we woke up in the morning, I asked slowly, “It means she took the money and didn’t buy the drug, right? Is the reason she’s pregnant, right?” His face changed. He asked, “What are you talking about?” I answered, “I’m talking about your pregnant girlfriend. What are you going to do? You’ll allow her to give birth?”

He looked at his phone. I said, “Yeah, I read it on your phone while you were sleeping. Or you think I don’t know your password?” He screamed, “Are you ok? What are you talking about? What girlfriend? What pregnancy?” I said, “The messages are on your phone and you know it so why are you asking me?” He said, “I can swear with everything in me that I don’t know what you are talking about. Who’s that girl? What’s her name?” 

I didn’t have the fact so I gave up. I said, “Argue with your conscience. That’s where the truth is.” 

I was doing everything to extract something from him but apart from his initial surprised reaction, he didn’t do anything again. He was stoic throughout the argument. But to me, that talking didn’t come out of nothing. I feel it’s the truth. It’s bothering him that’s why he talked about it that night. I’ve been avoiding him and avoiding his call. I’m trying everything to get him to tell me the truth but I’ve got nothing. 

I don’t want to lose him if what I think is not true. He’s a good guy who makes me laugh and turns my shame into jokes so we both laugh about it. Even if it’s true and he confesses willingly and promises he won’t go back to the girl again, I might give him another chance. All it takes is for him to come forward and we are good to go. No. He hasn’t done anything for me to suspect that he’s cheating. All my suspicion is based on what he said that night when he slept talk. 

–Enima,