My 9-year-old thought she was a mistake. Here’s how she learnt she’s a gift from God

“I always thought I was a mistake,” whispered my youngest daughter.

We were at the Youth With A Mission (YWAM) Arrows camp (a discipleship and missions bootcamp for kids and youth aged six to 17) in Batam together, just my nine-year-old daughter and me.

During a teaching session on how God created each one of us unique and purposefully, she suddenly said this to me. I was quite taken aback, so I asked her why she thought that way. 

“Because I was born so much later than Kor Kor (her brother, who is 20 years) and Jie Jie (her sister, who is 17),” she replied.

I was certain I had explained the large age gap between her and her siblings before, but I explained it to her again.

About a year and a half after giving birth to my second child, I was diagnosed with Graves Disease, a type of hyperthyroidism.

It was nothing too serious that couldn’t be treated, but I had to be on medication for a few years. My husband and I decided we would not try for another child (which my husband wanted) until I was completely well and no longer on medication.

When the endocrinologist discharged me, we tried unsuccessfully for about two years to conceive. Despite my gynaecologist declaring me perfectly healthy and able to bear another child, there was no baby.

I was 38 going 39. Perhaps we were too old. We gave up trying, gave away all our baby and maternity stuff, and said we were content with two children.

Then a few months later, I discovered I was pregnant.

Clearly created by God

At the camp, I told my daughter: “Mummy and Daddy tried to make you, but we couldn’t do it and gave up. If we had succeeded, you would have been born much earlier. But you were clearly created by God and given to us as a gift, because He did what we couldn’t do.”

Looking back, I recounted to her that there was so much that could have gone wrong because of my age and medical history, but didn’t.

It was considered a high-risk pregnancy. I had to do all sorts of blood tests and needed to see the endocrinologist every three to four weeks to monitor my thyroid levels in case my thyroid condition recurred.

All the tests came back normal and the pregnancy was uneventful.

I gave birth to a healthy baby girl just two months from my 40th birthday. She was a happy, smiley baby who grew into an intelligent girl.

The improbability of conception

I Googled the probability of conception while writing this article.

Different sources stated similar statistics: For healthy couples under 35, the probability of getting pregnant per cycle is about 20% to 25%. This probability drops to 5% or less per cycle by age 40.

Looking at the probability of conception, I am even more certain that every life comes into the world as a result of God’s will and intention.

At the camp, I prayed over my daughter and, together, we embraced Jeremiah 1:5 and Ephesians 1:4.

I said to her: “Before God formed you in my womb, He knew you. He chose you in Him before the foundations of the earth, so He knew you even before He made the earth.”

The truth that broke the lie

Our team was going to visit a shelter in a few days. It houses many women and children who were abandoned by their families and communities.

Apart from songs and a skit, each person in our team was to prepare a one-line card testimony.

My daughter decided on her testimony very quickly. It read: “I thought I was a mistake, but God knew me before He made the earth”.

The simple one line testimony from the 9-year-old, with the Bahasa Indonesia translation.

The truth that broke the lie.

During the camp’s Showcase Night, she wanted to back out from reading her own testimony card at the last minute.

I told her that she didn’t have to read hers if she wasn’t ready. She could just come up with me and we would read my testimony card together.

Right before we went on stage, she changed her mind, grabbed her card, and read it in front of everyone at the camp.

When we went to the shelter, she also testified without hesitation.

I began to realise how powerful her simple testimony was to the women and children there, many of whom felt their existence was an inconvenience, a mistake.

But God never makes mistakes, even if their parents may have made human mistakes. Each person was intentionally and lovingly created with a purpose for their lives. Their birth and existence is part of God’s plan, even if does not look that way through human eyes.

I believe that when my daughter declared her simple testimony in public, she broke the lie that she had believed in, and embraced her identity as a child of God.

That night, she sang aloud in the hotel room: “I’m no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God.”

You are never a mistake

I still do not know how a child we treasure, and thought we could not have, would come to believe in a lie that she was a mistake.

Perhaps it started from when she was in my womb, when friends, relatives and acquaintances came to know of my pregnancy.

Often, I would hear:

“Wah, accident huh?”

“Was it a surprise? Unplanned?”

My honest answer would be yes and no.

We were definitely surprised, but it was because we had tried, could not conceive and had given up.

My youngest daughter was always a part of our plan. She was not an accident or a mistake. But it became tiring to explain ourselves repeatedly, so I often did not bother.

Yet, words can be powerful. Perhaps those words planted the seeds of lies and doubt in my child that took root and grew into a belief.

After she was born, these comments continued to come from all directions – from her classmates, their parents, parents of our older children’s classmates, colleagues, friends and relatives.

When enough people say something, we might believe it is true, even if it is not.

Perhaps we have said this to someone before in jest. Perhaps we said it carelessly, and the words were never meant to hurt anyone.

The Bible says “no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness” (James 3:8-10).

A careless comment could be a knife that silently cuts into someone. And that someone may be an unborn child, a babbling toddler or a child that did not seem to be paying any attention to what we said.

Perhaps like my daughter, you also believe that you are a mistake.

Perhaps the circumstances of your birth or your family situation led you to think that way. But it is not true.

You were created intentionally and purposefully by a loving God, who knew you before He laid the foundations of the earth. He loves you, even when you do not feel or know it.

You are not a mistake. You are a child of God.

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