I’ve Been in the Talking Stage for Too Long

Two years ago, I chopped my last breakfast. That messy, symbolic end of a relationship feels like a lifetime away now. Yes, two full years later, I can finally say it: my heart is open. I’m ready to move on, to find love, or perhaps, to let love find me.

Since then, there have been offers. A lot of them. Men make advances, ask me out, but I always find a polite way to decline. The truth is, they’re just not what I want. My ‘what I want’ has a name, and it’s Ken.

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I met him on a sunny afternoon, rushing to work. He offered a lift, and in that short drive, something shifted. He asked for my number, and since then, he has woven himself into the fabric of my days. He is the first good morning and the last goodnight. I spend nearly half my waking hours talking to him. When his work allows it, he’s my almost-constant companion, who notices the smallest details—a pair of sandals I admired online, my favorite lunch order. He remembers everything.

He has introduced me to new worlds, patiently teaching me how to play video games on his couch. We’ve explored fun places, tried outdoor adventures, and I’ve met the important people in his life. For four months, it has been this beautiful, dizzying routine of near-perfection.

But yet.

He hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend. Not a word.

This undefined space is where my mind starts to race. I feel a pinch of jealousy when his line is busy, or when he’s online and silent. We haven’t been intimate; he hasn’t even tried. The closest we get is a warm, lingering hug. And still, the simple sight of his name on my caller ID can turn my entire day around, from zero to a hundred. I have liked him that much, fiercely and completely, from the very first moment.

A friend says I should just ask him what he wants. But the idea feels too forward, like I’d be spoiling a delicate spell. I’m not desperate. But, I know what to do. I just want to know where I stand so I can play my part correctly. Should I give him more time? Could there be someone else? Or maybe, and this thought aches, he simply enjoys my company and wants me just as a friend.

Marriage Through the Eyes of Millennials and Gen-Z

So here I am, two years healed, with a heart ready to love, caught in the silent question of a man who feels like everything but says nothing. The wait is its own kind of heartbreak, beautiful and confusing all at once.

—Israel

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