I Want To Pay My Mother My Own Bride Price

I am the last born of six siblings. Growing up, I watched my mother shoulder almost every financial responsibility for our family, from Christmas gifts to daily meals and everything else that made life comfortable for us. She was a hardworking entrepreneur, and I must say, God truly blessed her in her prime.

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My grandmother, my mother’s mother, was also doing very well. She owned a big provision (groceries) shop that was quite profitable, so as a family, we lived comfortably.

My mother raised us as a single parent. Though my father was alive and in our lives, he wasn’t doing well for himself. My grandmother, who had lost her husband and never remarried, was also raising her children on her own. So, I grew up surrounded by two strong, independent women who made things happen by themselves.

Being the last-born and the only girl, I enjoyed the soft life they worked hard to build. My mother enrolled me in one of the best private schools in town, and from kindergarten to junior high, I never once got sent home for unpaid fees or lacked anything. Not financially and emotionally. My siblings were also there for me, so yes, I was pampered.

It was when I went to the university, that things became different for us as a family. My mother accompanied me on my first trip and even visited me twice afterward, but I eventually had to ask her to stop. I wanted to try my best and make her proud on my own.

Then came Daniel in Level 100. He proposed during the second semester, but by the end of that same semester, he left me for a married woman. Then there was Joe, who came along in Level 200. He, too, left by the time we reached Level 300, because of someone else. Those experiences broke me in ways I didn’t expect.

I thought those heartbreaks would teach me to recognize the difference between good men and bad ones, but they didn’t. Somehow, I kept pushing away the good ones and falling for the bad ones who never valued me or the relationship. Eventually, I decided to take a break from dating.

After completing university and my national service, things started to look up. By God’s grace, I’ve never been unemployed. Growing up around two entrepreneurial women must have rubbed off on me because I now have two side hustles in addition to my 8–5 job.

Here’s where my struggle begins.

My poor choices led me to someone I thought was good, but he turned out to be the worst. He doesn’t abuse me, but he’s a chronic cheat and a liar. We have two children together, and since he’s jobless, I take care of them mostly by myself.

We’re not married, so I consider myself a single mother. I’m not complaining. My friends often remind me that it will be hard. I don’t doubt them but I’m determined to overcome it.

What keeps me up at night is the question: Why did I ignore the signs? Why did I overlook good, responsible men and fall for those who never valued me? I live with regret every day, especially when I see how well some of the men I once turned down are now doing in life.

I’m not crying because I can’t support myself. Financially, I’m comfortable. It’s just that deep down, I don’t feel loved. My only source of joy comes from my children. Their laughter, and their sweet smiles keep me going.

She Would Introduce Me To Rich Men Who’ll Give Me Money

The fact that I ended up a single mother like her makes me feel I’ve disappointed my mother. I want to make things right with her somehow—to show my appreciation, maybe even pay her my own bride price in the form of gifts. But I don’t know how to sit her down and have that conversation.

The feeling of failure eats at me day by day, and I honestly don’t know how to overcome this part of my life.

—Lucie

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