I Planned a Trip With My Boyfriend and He Showed Up With Four Children

All jokes aside, it is about time we told men to get serious. This thing is no longer funny. If laws have to be made, let them be made. If prayers have to be said, let them be said. If libation has to be poured at crossroads, pour it. Whatever it takes, something must be done. Because what some men are doing to women’s emotions is reckless, careless, and deeply unfair.

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I had been talking to this man for a while. Not talking-talking, not that intense daily phone call kind of thing. We were friends. The kind who checked in once in a while, replied to status updates, and laughed in comment sections. There was no rush, no pressure, and no drama. Just two adults coexisting in each other’s digital space.

One day, I posted a picture on my WhatsApp status. It was a simple picture, nothing dramatic. A few minutes later, he replied, “What will a man like me do to win a woman like you?”

I laughed when I read it. It sounded like one of those lines men use when they want to sound humble and deep at the same time. I asked him, “A man like you? What is wrong with you that you cannot win a woman like me?” He responded almost immediately. “You know women these days want a man with mansions, cars, and fat pockets. As you see me, I do not have all that, but my heart is pure.”

I did not fall for the line. I am not new to this world. I have heard the “pure heart” speech enough times to know it does not automatically translate to honesty or responsibility. But I found the approach interesting. It was different from the usual aggressive advances. So I decided to give him a chance to talk. Just to see where his mind was.

We started talking more. Conversations became longer. We laughed. We shared stories. Eventually, he asked me out on a date, and I agreed.

He came to my house often. At some point, there was a funeral in his village, and he asked me to go with him so he could introduce me to his family. I was actually willing to go. That alone made me feel like maybe he was serious. Unfortunately, something urgent came up, and I could not make the trip.

On his friend’s birthday, he invited me. That night, we ended up at his place. When it got late, he asked me to spend the night. I told him clearly that it would not be proper since I had not accepted his proposal. He requested a Bolt ride for me and ensured I got home safely. That was the moment I fell for him.

Not because of money or sweet words, but because he respected my boundary. In a world where many men think persistence means forcing themselves on you, he did not. That single act made me feel safe with him. When he officially proposed, I said yes. But I also told him we should take things slowly. He agreed. We went on several dates after that. Sometimes he paid, sometimes I did. It felt balanced and adult. There was no sense of burden or competition.

A week before his birthday, he suggested we go on a trip together. I was excited. I chose the place, and he gave me money to make the booking. I planned everything carefully. I imagined quiet conversations, laughter, and time to bond properly. Everything was set until the day he showed up. He arrived with four children. Four.

They were lined up from the tallest to the shortest, standing there like a full choir rehearsal. For a moment, I honestly thought I was dreaming. I looked at him, then at them, then back at him again. “Where are these children coming from?” I asked, trying to keep my voice calm. He smiled awkwardly and said, “Oh, it is a long story. Let’s go. I will explain on the way.”

The oldest child was staring at me in a way that made my spirit uneasy. I do not know how else to explain it. So I held my boyfriend’s hand and pulled him aside. “Please explain,” I said firmly. “Who are they? Where are they going to sleep? I thought this was a trip for the two of us.” He said, “I will get them a room. I promise they will not interfere. They are well-behaved children.”

I told him clearly that I was not moving an inch until he explained what was going on. That was when the truth started coming out, piece by piece. He said their mother had an emergency the night before and had to travel. So she brought the children to him to keep until she returned.

“Their mother?” I asked. “Who are they to you? Why would their mother bring them to you?”

He looked down and finally said, “They are my children.”

Four children. With a woman he claimed he could not marry because of family issues. He said he had always been involved in their lives, which was why their mother felt comfortable leaving them with him. I felt like the ground had shifted under my feet. I thanked him for being a responsible father. I even encouraged him to continue being present in his children’s lives. That part was not the problem. The problem was the deception.

“You have four children and you never told me?” I asked. There was nothing else to discuss. I cancelled the trip immediately. He went home with his children, and I went back to my house. That was the end of our relationship.

Later, I found out that he had actually married the woman traditionally, but it was a long-distance marriage. When I confronted him, he denied it. At that point, I did not even have the energy to chase the truth. I had already walked away. What hurt the most was not that he had children. It was that he had built a relationship on half-truths and silence. He had watched me plan a future in my head while knowing very well that he had a whole family he had not disclosed.

Is There A Man Out There Who Doesn’t Cheat?

So yes, men need to be serious. Do you people think heartbreak heals overnight? Do you think mental health is a joke? Do you know how much emotional labour it takes to trust someone again after something like this? It is not funny anymore. Stop playing with people’s hearts. Stop presenting half of your life and hiding the rest. If you come with baggage, say it early so people can decide what they are willing to carry. Some of us are tired. And we deserve honesty.

—Abrefa

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