I Loved Her With My Whole Heart And She Broke It

Three months ago, I walked away from the mother of my child after I learned she cheated on me. In my brokenness, I told myself I would never let love wound me like that again. Since then, I kept every conversation with my baby mama strictly about parenting.

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In July, I met a young woman. She is an apprentice at a sewing shop. She opened up to me about her past. Just like me, her heart has been broken too. We bonded over our heartbreaks.

As time went on, I found myself feeling things I was sure I wouldn’t feel for another woman anytime soon. I fell in love with Aba. When she agreed to be my girlfriend, I was so excited that I made it my mission to love her well.

She brought me a kind of peace I hadn’t felt in years. Her only fear was that I might return to my child’s mother. I understood why she felt that way. So I constantly reassured her that I wouldn’t go back. My baby mama tried to get back together with me the first week in my new relationship. I shut it down. I made my boundaries clear. I wanted only to co-parent. Nothing more.

I was transparent with Aba. She had access to my phone. She knew who I spoke to and why. I put her first. Every night, I waited for her with food because she came home tired. Whenever we ate, she would eat her egg and still take mine without asking. It never bothered me. I always smiled in amusement. I held those little moments close to my heart.

I’m a teacher. When I had exams to mark, she stayed up with me. She marked the objectives while I handled the theory. Not once did she complain when we worked deep into the night. I thought I had found a woman I could build a life with.

When school went on break, I wanted to go to Kumasi. My parents and grandmother live there. My ex lives there too, but far from them. She was uncomfortable with my plans. So I didn’t go. I stayed in town for her sake. She, on the other hand, travelled to her village to harvest maize.

When she returned, something was different. She grew distant. She got upset easily. She held back her affection. I didn’t understand what changed. When I asked her, she said everything was fine. Usually, these signs mean the love is gone. It made me uneasy to think what we had could easily fizzle out. One evening when she visited me, I kissed her. The fact that she kissed me back gave me hope that she still wanted me.

I wanted to know where I stood with her. So I told a lie. I said I had travelled to Kumasi when I hadn’t. When she found out, she got upset. She said she didn’t like being tested. I apologised. I explained that I only wanted to understand her new behaviour.

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That night, I asked again what had changed. She was quiet for a long time before saying, “I want to end the relationship.” She said she couldn’t focus at work because she thought about me too much. This wasn’t the first time she had said that. “I also think about you all the time but I don’t want us to end because of it,” I pleaded. After everything I said, Aba stood her ground and left me.

I couldn’t believe our relationship could end just like that. I stayed in town during the whole break because of her. Didn’t that mean anything to her? In all my years here, she is the only woman who has ever entered my room. I meant every word when I said I loved her. But she let go.

Is There A Perfect One Out There For Everyone?

What choice do I have but to accept it even though it hurts? I don’t go back once something ends. That’s why I didn’t take my ex back, even when she tried. Why do women keep doing this to me? I love them with a clean heart, only for them to break my heart.

Aba once told me she had a dream where I left her, and when she returned, I didn’t take her back. If that day ever comes, I won’t. It won’t be out of bitterness but because I gave her my best, and she still walked away.

—Appiah 

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