“I don’t think I will ever stop missing him”: She lost her husband when their son was just two months old

It was a rainy night when Vivien Chew’s phone rang.

Her two-month-old son was sleeping soundly when she picked up the call. From the other end of the line, she heard news that shattered her world.

Her husband, Chee Yong, had collapsed during basketball training with their church team. By the time he reached the hospital, he was unresponsive.

Chee Yong passed away that night, on November 16, 2023. He was 33.

“I was in a daze and felt so lost, like everything had been stripped off me. I didn’t even know how to take the next step,” recalled Vivien, her eyes welling up.

From mountain high to valley low

The couple had met each other as teenagers. 

“I was 16, he was 17. We both represented our school in basketball and travelled for tournaments,” said the Malaysian who grew up in Tenom, a small town in the northern hills of Sabah.

A year later, he asked a mutual friend for her number, and they quickly grew close.

Chee Yong confessed his feelings for her several times over the next few years, but Vivien always gently rejected him.

“I wasn’t ready for commitment then, and my family was strict. In the end, it was the loyalty of his love that won me over. He never gave up, so we became a couple when I was 20,” she recounted.

A love story that withstood the test of time and distance: Vivien and Chee Yong courted for 12 years – most of it long-distance – before getting married in 2021.

For the next 12 years, their relationship was sustained by texts and calls as studies and work postings kept them apart. Vivien became a dentist, while Chee Yong was a school teacher.

“We finally got married in May 2021 – our first attempt was derailed by the pandemic. Chee Yong was only able to transfer from Labuan to Kota Kinabalu six months later. For the first time, we were in the same city,” she said.

Brought together by their love for basketball and sports, the couple had their wedding photos taken at a stadium.

In September 2023, their son arrived. She named him Lucas, and Chee Yong gave the boy his Chinese name, 晟 (sheng).

“We were so happy. Chee Yong was ecstatic at becoming a dad. He cried when Lucas was born,” she said, adding that they had embraced the joys and challenges of new parenthood together.

Chee Yong, who had always wanted to be a father, was ecstatic when Lucas was born.

Little did she expect that just two months later, she would find herself on a three-hour journey to Tenom for her husband’s burial, desperately asking God to help her make sense of it all.

A God who knows the beginning and end

“It was so dark and heavy during that car ride. Then, I felt a prompting: ‘Do you remember the meaning of your son’s name?’

“Lucas means ‘bringer of light’ and 晟 means ‘brightness of the sun’, which brought to mind the worship song, How Great is our God,” said Vivien.

She began to sing it aloud, and was struck by the second verse: Age to age He stands/ And time is in His hands/ Beginning and the end/ Beginning and the end.

“It hit me that God had known this would happen. Time was in His hands; He had seen it all from the beginning to the end,” she said, blinking back tears. “I shared this at the funeral, and the heaviness in my heart lifted for that day.”

Chee Yong with Lucas as a newborn, shortly before Chee Yong passed away suddenly.

The months that followed were a blur.

“It was a season of realising I knew so little, as a new mum and someone who had lost a spouse. For months, I spent every night unable to sleep, asking why, crying, singing worship songs, listening to sermons and Scripture, just thinking.”

She also developed a deep fear that her son would be taken away from her too. “Some nights, I would frequently check on him to make sure he was still breathing,” she said.

Vivien with Lucas at Chee Yong’s funeral.

While Vivien had known Jesus before this tragedy struck, she did not know how much she needed Him. Her loss pushed her to depend on God more than ever.

“I was not angry at God, because He was the only One I could rely on. After Chee Yong passed, I knew anyone in my life could leave at any moment,” she said.

Holding tightly to His promises

Through those dark days, Vivien was surrounded by a church community that met her practical, emotional and spiritual needs.

Chee Yong’s mother moved in permanently to help with Lucas. Vivien gets along well with her – a blessing she is grateful for. Her own family was a pillar of strength, encouraging her when her grief was overwhelming.

The youngest of five girls, Vivien found support, faith and encouragement in her family.

Her cell group leaders checked in on her daily. A small group of church friends also carved out time to meet her weekly, providing her with a safe space to process her grief and learn to live without Chee Yong.

Still, she feels the loss acutely. “I miss Chee Yong a lot. I don’t think I will ever stop missing him. He was my best friend. Our time as a family was short. We texted each other all the time, and suddenly my phone was silent,” she said.

Vivien has accepted that she may never understand why this happened.

“One day, God said, ‘Vivien, you say you trust Me so much. Why are you still questioning My plans for your life?’ Since that day, I stopped asking ‘why’ and instead, have chosen to trust Him,” she said.

Her prayer now is that whenever Lucas feels the absence of his earthly father, he would know God is his heavenly Father. “Lord, shape him, build him, and fill him with Your love. There is no life that You cannot redeem. That is my prayer.”

A vision of a rainbow

As the interview wrapped up, Vivien’s eyes glistened as she recalled a particular encounter: “On the last Sunday before Lucas was born, we went to church.

“A middle-aged lady, whom I do not know to this day, sat next to me after worship. When the service ended, she turned to me and said, “’I don’t know if this means anything … but the Lord wants you to know this: Don’t worry. God will take care of everything.’ She repeated it twice.”

After Chee Yong passed away, Vivien remembered this exchange.

“I now realise that the word God had delivered through that lady was not just for a season, but for the rest of my life,” she said.

Vivien and Chee Yong celebrating the birth of their son, Lucas.

This year, she began sharing her testimony of hope in the midst of loss.

After sharing at her sister’s cell group in Singapore, the cell leader had a vision of a rainbow and interpreted it as God’s promise to Vivien that He would preserve Lucas’ life.

“I hadn’t told them, but at that time, I had so much fear that God would take Lucas away,” she said.

“I realise now that when I tell others my story, I feel God filling me up with His joy and love. The more I share, the more love I feel,” she said.

She often shows Lucas, now two years old, photos and videos of his father. As he grows, she catches glimpses of Chee Yong in him, such as his interest in and affinity for basketball.

For Vivien, Lucas is a living reminder of God’s unchanging promises, that His plans are good (Jeremiah 29:11) and that He is all-knowing and loving.

She also believes that God’s fingerprints can be traced even in the moments when she does not see Him or feel Him. This gives her reason to hope again.

“At first, I didn’t dare to even dream of a future. I could not see tomorrow. But today, I hold on to the truth that His plans are good, that time is in His hands, and I don’t have to worry, because He will take care of everything.”

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