How To Have Better Sex Tonight

Star athlete LaDainian Tomlinson once said, "I always think I can get better. I'm never satisfied. That's why I keep working." 

Of course, he was referring to football. But it's a quote that can be applied to just about any area of your life — especially where sex is concerned. And even if you feel like you've mastered the fine art of lovemaking, there's science to support that changing things up in the bedroom can increase pleasure. So why not do some due diligence, and learn a few new tips and tricks to make sure that next time is your best time yet?

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You don't necessarily have to throw out everything that's been working for you and your partner in order to do so. In fact, it's the small additions and foresight that really make all of the difference, and take your sexual experience from great to incredible. It can be as simple as doing it in a different setting, trying a new position or even adding in a toy or product that helps amplify what already feels good for both of you.

If you're looking to take things up a notch in the bedroom, here's what the experts have to say about the best ways to do it.

Talk About It

Of all the things that you can use your mouth for during sex, Dr. Jess O'Reilly, Astroglide's resident sexologist says using it to talk to your partner about your sexual desires and discover theirs is undoubtedly the most powerful tool for having the best sex of both your lives. "Conversations about sex are seldom easy, but open communication is fundamental to a more satisfying sex life" she explains. "While in almost every other realm, talking the talk is easier than walking the walk, sex seems to be the exception. Research actually suggests that people are more comfortable having sex than talking about it. This communication gap not only wreaks havoc on our sex lives, but also takes a toll on our intimacy levels, expressions of affection and overall relationships."

So how can you get such a serious conversation like that started, and still keep things sexy? "It may be difficult to express your specific desires and fantasies, but try using pop culture as fodder for friskier conversations," she suggests. "If you see a scene in a movie that turns you on, try to identify the source of your arousal and share your thoughts with your partner. Talk about what turns you on and turns you off in the context of fictional characters, communication, interactions and activities as a way to bridge the gap between fantasy and reality."

Focus On Pleasure, Not Performance

Of course, the end goal of sex should always be two satisfied partners. But as Dr. O'Reilly points out, taking the pressure off your performance makes for a better experience for both of you. "It's great to be a generous lover, but you'll likely find that you both derive more pleasure from the experience if you allow pleasure to supersede performance," she explains. "One way to focus on your own pleasure (and your partner's) involves using a blindfold — visual deprivation can heighten the sense of touch and lead to a more mindful experience. Alternatively, you might take turns pleasing one another so you can learn to be a taker, which is just as important as being a giver."

Tease Your Partner

It's no new news that foreplay is crucial to a satisfying sexual experience. But stimulating your partner before the main act by way of teasing can take it a step further. "Research suggests that dopamine levels are higher when you're anticipating a reward than when you actually receive it," Dr. Jess O'Reilly explains. "Giving your partner exactly what they want may be less pleasurable than teasing, building tension and alluding to pleasure." Focus on stimulating her erogenous zones — ear lobes, stomach neck and inner thighs are all areas that are more sensitive to the touch.

To take teasing up a notch, try using a feather tickler. "Feather ticklers excite the sensitive nerve endings at the surface of the skin, making them more receptive to touch/licking/kissing/biting," says Sammi Cole, resident sexpert at Lovehoney.

Using a finger vibrator can also be a powerful tool when you're teasing your partner. "Slip on a finger vibrator and use your hands to work on all those other erogenous zones while you're busy elsewhere," Cole suggests.

Talk Dirty

Another easy way to make sex feel more intense? Put your mouth to good use and talk dirty. Research even suggests that dirty talk can increase a woman's chances of having an orgasm, so having a few phrases in your back pocket to use during the act is a good thing to have. Not sure where to start? Dr. O'Reilly says even short phrases can work to your benefit in the bedroom.

"When you're ready, toss in a few words and short phrases ranging from 'Yes!,' 'More!,' and 'Ahhh' to 'Whoa!,' 'Wow,' and 'F*ck yeah!' Use language that comes naturally to you, as opposed to repeating what you have seen in films or read online. And since dirty talk goes both ways, use a few simple lines to develop greater comfort as you explore your lover's body: 'Do you like that?' 'Where do you want it?' 'What can I do for you?' 'Tell me how you like it.' 'Lie back and let me give it to you.'"

Try Nipple Play

It's fun for you, and feels good for her. But as Cole points out, it's not just women who can benefit from some added nipple stimulation. "Whether you're a man or a woman, everyone has sensitive nerve endings in the nipples, so why not increase sensitivity with a pair of nipple suckers?" she says.

Experiment With Edging

Mastering the art of edging can take a bit of practice — but if you're looking to achieve longer, more intense orgasms, it's worth putting the time and effort in. "Edging refers to bringing yourself right to the brink of orgasm several times without allowing yourself to go over the edge," Dr. O'Reilly explains. To learn how to do it, practice on yourself so that you're able to guide your partner through it. "Stimulate yourself however you please and stop as soon as you feel as though you are about to climax," she explains. "Breathe slowly and deeply as you retreat to a less stimulating technique or area until the urge to ejaculate subsides. Repeat this process several times. With practice, some men find that they eventually experience orgasmic sensations without ejaculation during the retreat period."

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Whether you're working on learning how to edge or know exactly how to get there, using a long lasting lube can make all the difference. "Research indicates that lube leads to higher levels of arousal, pleasure and satisfaction," says Dr. O'Reilly. "A study of 2,453 women found that the use of water and silicone-based lubricants significantly decreased symptoms of sexual dysfunction and 70 percent of participants reported that their sexual experiences were enhanced by the use of lube."

Focus On The Clit

With so many ways to stimulate your partner, it's important not to neglect the most sensitive, most important part. "A huge percentage of women don't always (or ever) orgasm via intercourse alone," explains Carol Queen, Ph.D, Good Vibrations staff sexologist. "It's too bad that 'sex' is our culture's euphemism for that act, because it makes people believe that this is how someone should orgasm. The nerves that most support orgasm are clitoral, though, because it is comparable to the sensitive head of the penis. Most men can't orgasm with no penile contact either — looked at that way, the statistics aren't so surprising."

What are some ways to touch her there? "When touching the clit directly with your fingers, add lube for slipperiness: it feel sexy and increases comfort," Queen explains. "Don't push on the clit or be rough — unless she says she likes it. When doing oral, also watch out for too much suction or pressure. Relax your tongue and lips, especially at first. As arousal builds, more sensations, and more intense ones, can feel good.

Try A Couples Toy

If your partner wants to orgasm from P in the V sex, using a couples toy that can be worn during the act can end up benefiting both of you. "The Eva II Clitoral Massager is a best-seller for beginners because it's a hands-free, hassle free phenomenon," explains certified sex therapist Dr. Jenni Skyler. "Place the flexible wings under the labia while the Eva II vibrator sits on top of the clitoris during penetrative sex.

While cock rings are designed with men's needs in mind (read: restricting blood flow to help strengthen and extend erections), the modern-day cock ring like this one from We-Vibe has benefits for her, too. "It's the ultimate cock ring — even men who don't like sex toys say it makes their orgasms more intense due to its rumbly vibes that press against his shaft and her clitoris in multiple positions," Dr. O'Reilly explains.

Explore Anal Play

Whether you've tried it before or have always been curious, there are plenty of benefits for both you and her when it comes to trying butt stuff. "Bring in a butt plug — because it makes her vagina feel tighter and angles the penis towards the G-spot if she wears it, and it stimulates the sensitive prostate gland if he wears it," Cole explains. 

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