how do I tell my coworkers I’m getting a divorce?

A reader writes:

My husband and I are splitting up after eight years together. We’ve had issues that we’ve been working on for a long time, but the final split happened fairly suddenly and I’m reeling right now.

On top of everything else I’m dealing with now (including finding a new place to live, getting off his health insurance, etc.), I’m wondering how to talk about this at work. My coworkers have met my husband at many events over the years, and I’ve talked about him a lot at work. I don’t know how to tell people we’re splitting up without inviting a ton of questions, none of which I’m really ready to talk about right now, and I also don’t want to trauma-dump on people I work with!

We do usually make time at the beginning of our team meetings for people to share any personal updates so I thought maybe I could mention it then, but people usually share happier things like an upcoming vacation or (sob) a wedding. Do I just … announce it then and say I don’t really want to talk about it? That feels incredibly awkward. But telling people one-on-one feels awkward too, and that would be a dozen individual awkward conversations instead of just one big one.

I’m also undecided on whether I’m going to change my name back to my maiden name, but if I do that, I’ll obviously need a way to explain it.

I also will need some time off to deal with logistical stuff, like lawyers and my impending move. My boss is pretty flexible with time off, but I’m worried this is going to take over my life for a while. Can I just … say that? Like explain that I’m about to have a couple of months of a higher-than-normal level of outside commitments, but that it won’t go on forever?

An additional complicating factor is that our professional worlds have some overlap: we’re in adjacent industries, and we know a lot of the same people professionally. I feel like I’m going to be fielding “how’s Jim?” inquiries for years and having to re-explain the divorce every time.

You can read my answer to this letter at New York Magazine today. Head over there to read it.

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