Getting a Sexually Transmitted Infection From Cheating

The Question: Doc Chaves,I cheated on my girlfriend and now I have an STD. What do I do? The Answer: In this day and age of failed relationships, infidelity and divorce, cheating seems to be more prevalent than ever. What’s worse is you contracted a sexually transmitted infection (STI).  First and foremost, do two things. Seek out medical attention, get tested, and find out which STI you have. You may have a curable bacterial infection or a life-long viral infection, depending on your results.  RELATED: What to Do If You Have an STI Either way, you can find a method to cure or treat whatever you have. Also, your partner and the person you cheated with should be tested and treated too. Second, don’t be sexual with your partner and expose her to whatever you have. If you have been sexual with her already, she needs to be informed and encouraged to get tested/treated. RELATED: Why & How to Get an STI Test, Explained Either way, if you plan to continue being in a relationship together, you need to tell her. It's not just a dick move to sleep with someone knowing you have an STI, it's also a violation of their consent. It may be scary and difficult, but her health is affected by this.  Whatever your reasons for cheating, I encourage you to tell her you cheated — and about the STI. You can’t pick and choose where you want to be honest and where you would rather avoid honesty. That would be yet another form of deception.  She’ll likely have a strong reaction. It could be anger, sadness, some form of emotionality expressed, and remember — it may not be problem-solving time. It’s the time for listening, and allowing for feelings to be expressed. You’re not going to fix things in that moment, but you can help create a space to vent, communicate, and express. It’s best to take ownership and responsibility, be sincere in your apologetic nature, don’t blame her or the relationship for you stepping out, and face the music. Time to put that maturity to the test and act like an adult.  This is what being a respectable human being is really about; being responsible for yourself, your words/actions, and respecting people regardless of their gender. She likely will need time to think and process your news, and she may or may not break up with you. Finally, stop cheating. If you’re unhappy, get into couples therapy or leave the relationship. If you’re feeling tied down by monogamy, ask to open up your relationship or find someone who also wants multiple partners and an open relationship. Figure out what’s going on with you that led to the cheating and address it.  Lastly, if you find yourself single or in a non-monogamous relationship, make safe sex and frequent testing for both you and your new partners a priority. You Might Also Dig:  How to Tell Your Partner You Have an STISTIs That Show on Your Face, RevealedCan Cheating Be Healthy in a Relationship?