Gay Threesomes: Best Positions & What to Know Beforehand

The expression “two’s company, three’s a crowd,” may be applicable in most social situations, especially for the introverted, but it holds no bearing in the bedroom. As couples challenge tradition and test the boundaries of monogamy, many look towards threesomes as a way to spice up their relationship or expand one’s sexual repertoire, if single. RELATED: What You Should Know About Threesomes This option is particularly common among gay men, especially open couples who enjoy a bit of erotic adventure.  Aside from the thrill of incorporating a third participant into the mix, “you get to do things sexually that are physically impossible when having partnered sex,” says Zachary Zane, Grindr's sex and relationship expert. “Additionally, for bi people, like myself, threesomes can be particularly affirming.” Interested in making this iconic sexual fantasy into a reality? We chatted with Zane, as well as Ken Howard, founder and director of Gay Therapy LA, and Jonzu Jones, adult content creator, artist, and model about what to know about gay threesomes. Why Do People Seek Out Threesomes? There is no one-size-fits-all (literally) reason when it comes to couples and individuals desiring to partake in a steamy threesome, and people of all sexual orientations can find the idea hot, though Howard certainly has his thoughts about why gay guys today are going for them: “I think sometimes married gay male couples might indulge in threesomes as a way to ‘balance’ being heteronormative as married people with keeping their ‘edge’ as gay men and thinking out of the box,” he explains. “Things like the COVID pandemic and the political polarization of America and maybe even a certain nihilism (such as we had during the Cold War) may have created a certain fatalism that ‘life is short’ and we should do all we can to squeeze the juice out of it while we can.” “This might include ‘adventures’ like having a threesome, especially on gay male vacations where the couples I've worked with have often had their first, “ he adds. “It’s a safe distance from their normal life at home and there is less chance that they would run into their third trick locally, which might feel awkward.” On the flip side, Howard also brings attention to the fact that there has been an increase in polyamory where three men commit to each other romantically for the long haul. Without the trappings of straight cis life to worry about, queer people have long been open to non-monogamous relationships, so having sex with more than just one person at a time may fall into that exploratory and expansive mode. What to Keep in Mind Before Having a Threesome While the dynamics of every relationship are different, here are a few tips to keep in mind before couples decide to engage in a threesome. 1. Establish Boundaries “I would say boundary check first and foremost. Both should definitely express desires but also what they might like or dislike and also openly express this all with the third,” advises Jones. Howard echoes this sentiment, adding that it’s also essential to consider factors like safer sex practices, allowing the third to stay the night and sleep over, as well as the incorporation of mind-altering substances. While a cocktail or two can lighten the mood, it can also blur the line between fantasy and reality. 2. Stay in Tune With Your Emotions “Emotions, particularly jealousy, may arise when you have a threesome,” warns Zane. “People often think they're going to be the star of the show, that the other two folks' focus and energy will all be directed at them.” In reality, it’s important to keep in mind that there will be moments where you may feel left out. RELATED: How to Have a Threesome in a Relationship “It doesn't mean you need to pout or freak out,” Zane stresses. “Give the other two people a chance to connect for a moment, and then jump back into the threesome. But don't have a threesome if you only find yourself attracted to one person in the couple. You should be attracted to both people.” 3. Don’t Shy Away From Being Vocal “Additionally, don't be greedy!” says Zane. “I know this may sound obvious, but in the heat of the moment, we’re not thinking the most logically. Sharing is caring. If you’re fucking someone for five minutes straight in missionary, take a goddamn break to let your partner join. Say, ‘I need a break; can you swap in with me?’ Or better yet, you can say, ‘come here! I want to switch to a position with you in it.’” Jones agrees, stressing the importance of everyone mutually enjoying the experience. “It’s OK to break the fourth wall during play and do check-ins, ask for more or less, even laugh to break tension,” he proposes. 4. Have an Out Perhaps most crucial is the option to tap out. Threesomes are a very common sex fantasy, but in practice, they can be complicated, and they're not for everyone.  “Agree that either partner can end the session with your guest at any time, for any reason,” recommends Howard. “Sometimes things you think would be ‘hot’ to see your partner do with someone else don’t feel right in the actual moment. Feelings of jealousy or even emotional or physical safety issues can arise suddenly.” To ensure that you can navigate this kind of thing in the moment, Howard suggests pre-planning an exit strategy.  “Agree on a secret hand signal or secret keyword that you can use with your partner that signals, ‘OK, let’s finish this, I’m done, get this guy out of here.’” The Best Gay Threesome Sex Positions The Daisy Chain All three of our experts mentioned the daisy chain, where each participant simultaneously gives and receives oral sex, as one of the most sexually gratifying gay threesome positions — and an easy one to start with. It’s sort of like a 69 but for three people, best done on your sides while lying down, so you’ll want a fairly large bed to pull it off. Position yourselves in a sort of circle, with each participant’s head near another person’s genitals, then get to work! RELATED: The Best Gay Sex Positions, Illustrated The Train If you’ve got a top, a bottom and a vers all participating, the train might be right for you. “I also love where I'm in the middle, penetrating a man and being penetrated at the same time. It feels incredible and simply something you cannot do with one other person,” Zane says, with Jones on the same page. You can do this in a standing position, though lying down and spooning may be easier if your heights don’t all align. The Cowboy Plus One Some threesome positions are just adaptations of two-person options, like this variation of the Cowgirl or Cowboy, “where the ‘rider’ is also sucking the third person's dick (who's usually standing on the bed),” says Zane. The Spit-Roast Another classic threesome position is one where two people are simultaneously penetrating the third — one from each end. This one, also known as an Eiffel Tower, features one person “in the middle getting penetrated, and also sucking the dick of the person in front of them.” For additional ideas and inspiration, Grindr has created a comprehensive list of 11 threesome positions for “triumphant trios.” Threesomes are certainly not for everyone and every couple, but with a little preparation and open communication, they can be a new and exciting addition to any relationship. After all, as the famed Mae West quote goes: "I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.” You Might Also Dig: Possible Negative Consequences of a Threesome How Do I Tell My GF I Want to Explore Sex With Men After Our Threesome?Will Having a Threesome With a Friend Ruin Our Friendship?