employee doesn’t know I have access to her emails, people interrupt me to fix the copier, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Employee doesn’t know I have access to her emails

I have a direct report that had to take a medical leave (two months) and during that time I needed access to her emails so I could assist customers who had pending issues, and the emails contained the information I needed. She is back now, but I am seeing some performance issues I need to address. She is not aware that I still have access to her email as IT never removed my access. I don’t want to micromanage, and I only look at it when there is an issue and I need to see what she actually said to a customer. I’m now seeing some things that are a bit concerning. At what point do I disclose the email access? When we have a corrective action meeting?

Well, first, you should not continue to have access to her emails without her knowing about it. If the issues you’re seeing make you reluctant to give up that access, be up-front with her about it. That would mean saying something like, “I needed access to your email while you were on leave so that I could check the history with customers when issues came up. I’m not actively using that access, but I did check it recently because of X and I am concerned about Y.” And then be direct about whatever patterns you’re worried about and talk about what needs to change. You don’t need to wait for a formal corrective action meeting to do this; you can do it now so that she’s aware and doesn’t use her email for something highly personal (like medical stuff or divorce proceedings or whatever; ideally people wouldn’t do that with work email, but they do and she deserves to know you could see it if she does).

Ideally you’d also have IT remove your access. But if you’re seeing the kind of issues that make it clear you need to be spot-checking what she’s sending to clients, etc., then be transparent that you’re doing that and why (and explain what needs to change before you will be able to stop those spot checks).

2. People keep interrupting me for help with the copier

I am a high school assistant principal. I have a private office in the administrative suite, and the culture here is that administrators’ doors remain open unless there’s a sensitive meeting happening inside.

My office sits directly across from the copier. About nine billion times a day, I get teachers/staff/students asking for help with the machine. Sometimes they need help with basic functions like collating, sometimes it’s replacing the paper or toner, and sometimes it’s a legit jam that can take awhile to fix.

I’m not averse to helping people (one of the reasons I went into school leadership is because I wanted to be the administrator who actually supports teachers), but it’s really not my job to have to drop everything for someone else’s copies, especially when it disrupts my own time-sensitive work. What is a gracious script for telling people to either figure it out for themselves or ask the administrative assistant?

“I’m sorry, I’m right in the middle of something, but Jane should be able to help.”

Or: “I’m sorry, I don’t use the copier much, but Jane should be able to help.”

My hunch is that these might not feel gracious enough to you or else you’d already be saying them — because they’re pretty straightforward! — and the issue is less about finding the right words and more that you feel awkward about the substance of the message. But these really are reasonable to say!

Also, though … would it make sense ask the assistant to put a sign up by the copier with solutions to the most common problems, including instructions to check with the assistant if those instructions don’t help?

3. “How we doin’, Mama?”

My friend is excellent at her job. She is also an excellent parent. She does a lot to prove her worth at work, but she’s pregnant right now (due in March), and people come up to her at least once a week asking, “How we doin’, Mama?” This is driving her nuts because, in her words, “I’m a whole person.” Obviously, people are just trying to be nice. What can she say, if anything? She’s not their mom!

“Just Jane, please. Thank you.”

And then if it continues: “Really, I hate that. Please just call me Jane.”

People are extremely weird about mothers and expectant mothers so she will never put a stop to it entirely, but she will be doing a social good if it gets even a few people to rethink this habit.

4. Should I have told my boss a new hire sexually harassed me eight years ago?

20 years ago, I moved halfway across the country to start a job in a new state. We worked the second shift, so it was common for the group of coworkers and supervisors to go out for drinks and hang out after work. One night, as we were leaving the bar, a supervisor called Angus pulled me aside because he wanted my advice. He launched into his difficulties in the bedroom with his wife and asked what I thought about threesomes — did I think that would help? Shocked and confused, I gave a polite, general response and left as soon as I could.

A few days later, a colleague told when that she was out with Angus and the group for after-work drinks the night before (my night off so I wasn’t there), he recounted this embarrassing conversation, revealing that he and his wife wanted to invite me to join them in a threesome. Basically, he was saying I was flirting with them (!), so he tried inviting me but I was too oblivious to take the hint. They all had a good laugh at my expense. Though this is a clear case of sexual harassment, I didn’t report it. He had just given notice, as he had accepted a new role in a different state. And here I was, the new hire trying to make a good impression — why make waves?

Fast forward eight years. I get promoted and — surprise! — Angus was coming back to town to take his old role. Basically, we would each lead a department and we would be equals on the organizational chart. I considered telling our mutual boss about the sexual harassment years ago when I was a new employee. But I didn’t. I felt it was too long ago to be relevant, plus there was a chance it would backfire. (How would have my boss reacted? Flip a coin.) I kept quiet. But I was on Angus-watch, paying close attention to how he interacted with his staff.

For the next four years, we were coworkers. Nothing happened with his staff that I’m aware of that made me regret my choice. He seemed to have clearer professional boundaries, wasn’t socializing or going out for drinks with staff, etc. Eventually, I felt reasonably comfortable working with him, though I kept a polite distance. Still, I wonder if I had let down the women in my workplace, especially since I had moved into a leadership role. I’d appreciate your thoughts on how I handled this. As a manager, was I obligated to report the past harassment to my boss when that supervisor was rehired?

Managers are legally obligated to report harassment that they’re aware of — but that generally means things that are happening in your workplace now or recently, not necessarily something that happened to you years earlier when you weren’t a manager.

That said, it’s also true that as a manager, if you’re aware that someone may be a creep with a track record of harassing colleagues, ideally you’d share that. But were you obligated to share it, considering that it was eight years ago, you’re the one it happened to, and you were worried about repercussions for yourself? I don’t think so. And this stuff is really hard to navigate — it shouldn’t be! you should be able to feel confident that if you share info like this, you won’t be the one who’s harmed by it, but that’s not the world we live in — and you shouldn’t beat yourself up second-guessing how you handled it.

5. How can I ask why I need to attend these training exercises?

I’m new in a job, a sort of step back for me, removing all emergency response and 24/7 on-call status. It should help me have a better work life balance.

My boss knows me from my previous job where we were equals. Same job, different organizations. She knows why I needed to leave my job.

She has invited me to two intense, all-day table top emergency exercises. I thought I wasn’t going to have anything to do with emergencies anymore, so I’m confused on why I need to attend these, and as the only person representing our team.

It’s triggering some trauma for me; I’ve been involved in real-life, high-level emergencies, and I burned out. The table tops I used to attend always triggered me — always lots of talk about supposed death and destruction. They’re awful. How can I professionally ask my boss why I need to attend these exercises? I’m afraid I’m too emotional to come up with the words on my own.

“Is it necessary that I be the one to attend these? My understanding was that I wouldn’t be working on emergencies in this role, which was part of the appeal of the position to me. I have a strong preference for avoiding them if that’s feasible.”

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