Eli Rallo’s New Book Is a Step-by-Step Guide to Navigating Your Quarter-Life Crisis

They say your 20s are the best time of your life, and at 24, mine have definitely been an adventure so far. Every day seems to pose a different question: Why is making friends as an adult so difficult? Am I actually good at my job? Does my mom ever get annoyed with my constant FaceTime calls? I’ve achieved many things I’m proud of in this decade, but I’ve also faced a lot of insecurity and doubt about my future. I’m not alone—so many women my age have likely dealt with a similar quarter-life crisis. It’s even the subject of Eli Rallo’s newest essay collection, titled Does Anyone Else Feel This Way?

Eli Rallo wears many hats: she’s a social media star, bestselling author, literary salon leader, and much, much more. She blew up on TikTok in 2020 and has since amassed a following of over a million people across all platforms. Her first book, I Didn’t Know I Needed This, was full of stories and lessons learned in sex and relationships. Does Anyone Else Feel This Way? is her second essay collection, and it touches on a lot of general topics that women my age will relate to.

I’ve always looked up to Eli because we have so many things in common. We’re both eldest daughters, both writers, both theater kids, and graduates of the same college (go blue)…I could keep going. I’ve also always viewed her as a sort of older-sister figure, and, in the least parasocial way possible, I felt like she was talking directly to me with this book. As an anxious 20-something, I knew I would be in Eli’s target audience. But I was shocked by how many situations we’ve both found ourselves in. I would highly recommend Does Anyone Else Feel This Way? to every woman in their 20s, but here are the most valuable lessons I learned while reading:

Eli Rallo

Does Anyone Else Feel This Way?

From TikTok star and the author of I Didn’t Know I Needed This Eli Rallo, a reflection on the anxiety of transitioning into adulthood, navigating the quarter-life crisis, and realizing you’re actually not alone.

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What I learned from Does Anyone Else Feel This Way?

1. It’s OK to have no idea who you are or what you want

Teenage Eli thought she knew exactly what her 20s would be like: she’d be married with kids just like her mother, and would’ve landed a book deal, among other goals. Obviously, parts of that picture-perfect future came true, but in one essay, she worries whether her seventh-grade self would be upset with her for not having achieved it all yet. I couldn’t help asking myself the same question. My younger self also thought I’d at least be married by now, when it’s the furthest thing from my mind. But she wouldn’t have pictured my current reality either, where I’m living in my dream city and can call myself a journalist. It’s perfectly fine to plan out your future and find happiness in a different path. It’s also perfectly fine to start over—people do it all the time. There’s no one perfect way to live your life, and that’s what makes living so much fun.

2. Uncertainty is an opportunity

We’ve all heard the phrase “rejection is redirection,” but Eli’s sentiment felt more genuine to me. Early in her book, she tells a story about getting rejected from what she thought was her dream job. Now, she’s grateful she didn’t land the job—if she had, she would be a completely different person from who she is now. I remember being in her shoes a year ago, growing increasingly devastated with every rejection letter I received. All I wanted was to leave my retail job behind for a “big girl job.” The uncertainty of not knowing my next step drove me crazy. But if I’d gotten a different position, maybe I wouldn’t have gotten close to the friends I made before moving, or been hired by a great company. As someone who’s always had a deep hatred of uncertainty, this switch in perspective felt so refreshing. The next time I miss out on something I want, I firmly believe it will be because something better is on the way.

3. Relationships take work, but they aren’t meant to be hard

If there’s anything I’ve learned in adulthood, it’s that getting a group of long-distance friends in one place is like pulling teeth. We can’t help it—everyone is so busy these days. Still, I long for the days when my friends and I all lived under the same roof. After college, Eli and her closest friends all moved to different parts of the country, which sent her down a spiral. The same has happened to several of my friends, and even as my social circle grows in Chicago, making plans is still difficult.

“While reading this book, I cried more than once (a rare feat). I also scheduled a therapy appointment, put screen time limits back on my phone, and texted my long-distance bestie to tell her I love her.”

Eli recognizes that relationships of any kind take effort. But she specifies that you should want to put in that work. Whether it’s a friend, partner, or family member, maintaining meaningful relationships should be a “welcome challenge” that pushes us to be better. Not every person I’ve considered important has remained in my life, but the ones who have are among my strongest relationships. As I continue adjusting to different time zones, I’ve grown much more appreciative when someone reaches out to make plans or sends an “I miss you” message.

4. Think about the content you consume

Doomscrolling is my worst enemy. I come home from work and spend an embarrassing amount of time on my phone, and even though I hate it, I can’t stop. As an influencer, Eli is no stranger to the good, the bad, and the ugly of social media. Even though she’s grateful for the privilege being an online figure has awarded her, she writes that despite striving for authenticity, posting online can never fully be authentic.

Growing up in the age of the internet, Gen Z women like Eli and me spent our formative years comparing ourselves to imaginary online goalposts. When Instagram first became popular, Eli remembers, “I loved that I could be…just the parts I wanted them to see. Just the funniest parts. Just the prettiest parts.” Some of us may not realize we have an online persona, but maintaining one can get exhausting. If you feel the same, Eli recommends living “as though there will be no phones at the function.” Spending conscious time away from your phone is so important, and don’t be afraid to mute or unfollow whatever doesn’t make you feel good.

5. You don’t always have to sacrifice your passion for the sake of being practical

One of the biggest reasons I admire Eli so deeply is that she’s managed to build a creative career as an author, podcaster, and influencer. However, it wasn’t always that way. In college, she studied performing arts management because it felt more practical than seriously pursuing musical theater. It’s no secret that this world doesn’t look kindly on aspiring artists. As a writer, I have absolutely felt the pressure to seek stability. I have a full-time job that pays the bills, and I’m lucky enough to write articles like this on the side, but my dream is still to support myself full-time as a writer. Just because the path of an artist is less straightforward doesn’t mean it isn’t worth pursuing. By surrounding yourself with the right people and finding ways to prioritize creative pursuits, that path will not just feel possible, but probable. That’s not to say that we have to monetize our creative passions, but don’t feel like they can only exist as hobbies. As Eli puts it, “being palatable for society is never where the magic happens.”

6. Getting your sparkle back is easier than it sounds

A defining part of the quarter-life crisis is what Eli calls the postgrad funk, a time where “the ways we formerly define success and failure fade, and we’re met with entirely new circumstances, routines, and lifestyles.” When she didn’t feel fulfilled by her first job out of college, Eli noticed that lack of purpose spread to other aspects of her life. When you find yourself in a funk, it’s rarely a conscious decision. But Eli had accepted hers as her reality, choosing to be miserable in her routine. To get out of it, she looked for something new to try every day: a recipe, an album, a craft. As she regained her agency, she realized how much more she enjoyed her new ritual.

Now that I’ve developed the day-to-day in my new city, I’m worried I’m experiencing a similar funk. But with winter approaching, I’ve already begun brainstorming activities that’ll get me out of my apartment. Maybe I’ll join a writers’ group or take French classes. We all have bad moments, but Eli says, “You cannot waste your own life waiting for it to begin.”

7. Trying to make everyone like you isn’t worth the effort

I hate to admit it, but I’m a people-pleaser. I’ve put far too much energy into making myself seem more interesting or impressive for the sake of making friends. The pressure to be liked, Eli writes, is one that young women often face. She recalls dealing with it in college, where she felt “too sorority for the arts kids and too artsy for the sorority girls.” Yet FOMO frequently pushed her out of the house and into environments that made her miserable. She and I have both learned that it’s OK to disappoint people—as long as we aren’t also disappointing ourselves. She writes, “If you are unwanted somewhere, it’s better to leave than to stay and try to convince people to desire you.” You will impress the right people without changing anything about yourself. If you feel like you don’t fit in somewhere, a different place will welcome you with open arms. I still have a long way to go before I’m rid of my people-pleasing tendencies, but overcoming them feels more within my control now.

8. Your 20s may feel lonely, but you are never truly alone

Does Anyone Else Feel This Way? asks whether any of us have everything figured out, but it quickly establishes that there isn’t one defining answer. The fact that this book even exists is proof that no matter what this time in my life may bring, I’m not the first to have gone through it, nor will I be the last. While reading this book, I cried more than once (a rare feat). I also scheduled a therapy appointment, put screen time limits back on my phone, and texted my long-distance bestie to tell her I love her.

Sitting in a packed Chicago coffee shop for Eli’s book tour, I looked around at all the women near me and was reminded yet again that yes, other people do feel this way. Being in my 20s hasn’t come without its struggles, but I’m grateful to have so many questions, because having everything figured out would mean I have nothing else to learn.

“I don’t want to live a boring life,” Eli writes at one point. “It sounds so dumb, but I need to live a life like the ones I read about.” I went into this essay thinking that I wanted a life just like hers. I want to be unapologetically creative despite the world telling me to be palatable. I want to be an author, and I’ll admit being an influencer could be fun, too. But most of all, I want to live a life where I’m surrounded by love and passion and no shortage of new things to try. If I really think about it, maybe I already do.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Hannah Carapellotti, Contributing Writer

Hannah is an Ann Arbor-based writer with a bachelor’s in English and writing from the University of Michigan. Outside of The Everygirl, Hannah has written for The Michigan Daily, where she also served as an editor. She currently works at an independent bookstore and is interning for a literary agency.

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