“Don’t grieve for me. I’ll be with Jesus”: Stricken with terminal ovarian cancer, she embodies the art of dying well

When Lydia Tam was told she had cancer in 2022, her first thought was: “Not bad, I get to see Jesus.”

Hospitalised for seven days for tests to ascertain the type and extent of the cancer, she spent each day gazing at the trees outside her window and thinking: “This is so beautiful. But heaven must be even more beautiful.”

She was just past 60 then.

When the doctor eventually told her that she had Stage 3C ovarian cancer – the cancer had spread beyond the ovaries to camp outside her other organs – and would likely only have about a year left to live, Lydia’s response was a simple “okay”.

“I am a worrier and panicker by nature. But I was very calm then. To me, God knows best what is happening. So why should I worry?” she told Salt&Light.

For the sake of her family who “wanted me to fight on for them”, Lydia underwent seven months of treatment.

There was chemotherapy to shrink the tumours, a surgery to remove her reproductive organs and part of her intestine affected by the tumours, and another round of chemotherapy.

Lydia went through two rounds of chemotherapy after her initial diagnosis in 2022.

Lydia was fitted with a temporary drainage catheter to drain ascites, a fluid buildup in the peritoneal cavity.

At first, she appeared to have beaten the cancer. But in 2024, she was told the cancer had returned. She had a month to a year to live. Even if she sought treatment, it would only extend her life by a mere two months.

Lydia opted to be put on palliative care. She has since lived well over a year past the most optimistic prognosis, long enough to see her first granddaughter turn six months old and start to crawl, long enough to see her second son move out of the house.

But she knows the shadow of death is lengthening and she will soon run out of time.

Looking heavenward    

Everyone who meets Lydia for the first time is surprised by how youthful and sprightly she appears. She neither looks ill nor 65 years of age.

“I look good on the outside, but it’s all rotten on the inside,” she joked.

A youthful 65.

But she tells Salt&Light that she is in pain and has been prescribed morphine “for my 10/10 pain”. The tumour is pressing on her intestines, kidney and urethra, affecting their function. Last year, she had to be hospitalised twice. Of late, she also tires more easily and experiences bleeding as well.

Emotionally, though, Lydia is at peace.

“The hospital doctor asked me if I had any guilt. I realised, no. I am not a saint. Those I have offended, I have asked for forgiveness – my husband, my children. The Lord has already forgiven me as well.

“As for regrets, also no. Because in life, what we want will never end. We are very greedy. But when I go to heaven, everything here will not be important.

“In heaven, there will be total peace, no tears, no worries, no cares – everything in perfect harmony.”

A trained counsellor, Lydia (standing) was part of the founding team that started ThriveSG, the counselling arm of Cru Singapore.

Lydia at a ThriveSG event.

Lydia admits, though, that watching her family come to terms with her impending death has not been easy.

“My husband took it the hardest. I first told him about my cancer on a Sunday. On Monday, I sent him down to buy things and he didn’t know how to come back.

“He told me it is better that I have a sudden death than this long wait.”

Lately, Lydia has been thinking about their different perspectives of death and an incident early in their marriage came to mind. They were on their honeymoon when the boat they were on sprung a leak.

“Everyone was rushing to get off the boat, but I told my husband, ‘We are Christians. We know where we will go when we die. Let the others get off the boat first.’”

So husband and wife climbed to the top of the boat to watch the others leave. When Lydia reminded her husband of the incident, he told her that he had not been ready to die then but had followed his new bride out of love.

Even back then, heaven had a great hold over Lydia.

A life rescued

But when she was young, Lydia embraced death quite differently. From the time she was seven till the age of 13, she wanted to end her own life.

“I felt unimportant and miserable, like I didn’t belong and maybe I shouldn’t exist,” the second of five children revealed.

Very recently while clearing out old photographs, she found a large picture of herself as a baby taken at a photo studio. This helped her look at her childhood and her parents through a different lens.

The studio photo Lydia found while sorting through her belongings.

“I realised that I must have been important enough, precious enough for my parents to go to a studio and have a picture of me taken because back then it was not easy to have photos taken and it would have cost them.”

At her darkest, though, Lydia did not have that clarity of perspective. In fact, one day when she was 13, she did try to kill herself, unsuccessfully.

Exhausted from the attempt, she sat down at home and chanced upon a Gospel tract. To this day, she does not know why the material was there since her family were pre-believers then.

“I sat there and read the Gospel tract and when it said that Jesus loves me, I thought: ‘Wah, got people love me.’

“I was so desperate for love that it was good enough for me. Even though I didn’t understand everything in the tract, I wanted to receive Christ. The minute I said the Sinner’s Prayer, the thought of suicide vanished.”

After she prayed to receive Christ, Lydia asked her friends to take her to church. This is Lydia in 1973 at a church.

Lydia had always assumed that the years after her dire diagnosis were bonus years God gave to her. But just before her interview with Salt&Light as she was talking to God, He told her otherwise.

“The Lord reminded me that my life belongs to Him. I could have died then. So all these years, I have been living the bonuses He has given to me.

“Maybe this has been something within me all along. That is why when things happen, I don’t ask ‘Why’, I ask ‘What’s next, what can I learn?’ because God knows best.

“God healed me a lot. I believe He has resolved a lot of things inside me. The Lord has comforted me.

“This is a testimony of the greatness of God, and His grace and mercy in my life.”

The long goodbye

In this liminal space, Lydia has had the opportunity to plan her exit and have hard conversations.

“We have been talking. Wakes and funerals are for the living. So I ask my husband which photo, which dress because they are the ones who will be looking at it. It’s not as if I can wake up and object. What songs also, how many days (for the wake) before you can let me go.

“And as we talk, I tell my husband, ‘I tell you my wishes, you also tell me yours because sometimes the one who is supposed to go doesn’t go first,” she added with a laugh.

Lydia on a mission trip. She has been on several mission trips over the years.

That is not to say that Lydia does not have her moments of hesitation. Recently, she asked God for healing.

“From the day I was told I had cancer till now, I did not feel sad or disappointed with God. Humanly it is not possible. I really think it is the Holy Spirit.

“But these past few days, I have been bargaining with God, ‘Can You heal me?’ And He asked me, ‘Why are you asking for healing at this point when you are looking forward to coming back to Me?’

“So I told Him, ‘Because it is very painful. If You heal me, the pain is immediately gone. Please forgive me. I am very selfish that I can forget You because of the pain.’

“God was so good to me, He told me, ‘You think carefully about what you want and you tell Me.’”

Three prayers

Since then, Philippians 1:23-24, where Paul struggles with his desire to be with Jesus and the need for him to stay, has become more real to Lydia.

Constant conversations with God – “I’m so chatty because I am always talking to God” – keeps her going in the meantime.

“When I had cancer, the first prayer I prayed to God was, ‘Lord, let me live comfortably to the end.’

“Along the way, I realised that illness can turn us to very creepy people. So I told Him, ‘Please give me a grateful spirit.’

“Then I realised that not only must I be grateful, since I have very little time left, but I want to be a mouthpiece for His glory. So I told God, ‘If I can bring one more person into Your kingdom or to greater faith in You, then not bad. Got sickness and still can be used.’”

Lydia sharing her testimony.

Earlier this year, Lydia was hospitalised because the tumour was pressing on her urethra, causing a blockage in her left kidney. One morning she awoke in extreme pain and asked for morphine. Due to a shift change, she was told to wait half an hour.

“I was in so much pain, I told the Lord, ‘I want to live comfortably. Can You take away the pain?’ He took away the pain. No more pain.” 

Asked how she would like to be remembered, Lydia said: “Don’t grieve too much for me. I’ve already heard my eulogy.

“My salvation is about meeting Jesus. I want to leave this world because I want to meet Jesus. It’s not because I love my husband and children less.

“If you know heaven is such a wonderful place and if God opens a door, why do we want to close it? I don’t know if it is something He put in my heart when I was 13, but I have always wanted to meet Jesus face to face.”

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The post “Don’t grieve for me. I’ll be with Jesus”: Stricken with terminal ovarian cancer, she embodies the art of dying well appeared first on Salt&Light.