conference schedules are too F’ing long

This post was written by Alison Green and published on Ask a Manager.

A reader writes:

I’m attending a professional conference this week and it struck me that super long conference schedules are not something I’ve seen discussed on the blog.

Here is an example: The conference I am attending has optional workout events starting at 6:30 in the morning. Breakfast starts at 8 and runs until 9, and as I am tabling for my company at this conference, I am required to be there at 8 sharp (despite the required tabling hours ending at 7 pm last night). Today, tabling ends at 4 and the required sessions run until 5:30 pm. There is a cocktail hour from 6:30 to 7:30. Dinner is a banquet from 7:30 to 9 pm.

Even if I showed up at 8:30 am, the latest reasonable time for breakfast, and left ASAP after dinner, that is over 11 hours. I have a chronic illness that I choose not to disclose to my employer. As such, I hightailed it out of the conference center and back to my hotel at 5 pm to order some food (I am lucky to have a corporate card so I’m unaffected by missing the free dinner). My coworkers are complaining about the long days and I’m frankly not sure why they’re doing it except to save face with our EVP, who is in attendance. One colleague, who traveled internationally, mysteriously vanished midday and hasn’t been heard from since. I suspect they are unwell.

This schedule is frankly ableist and inconsiderate, yet extremely common for these kind of events, and I’m unapologetically choosing not to adhere to anything that is not explicitly required of me. They can’t force me to stay for cocktails and dinner. But I’m wondering if you have a good suggested script for people who simply cannot with these long days. Unfortunately, we do lose face/miss opportunities for not going to networking events at all hours of the evening, and I’m okay with that, but I need a good way to justify it to others.

Amen, sister. Those days are really long, and also really common.

Event organizers generally try to pack as much as they can into the few days of an event, but they usually assume that people won’t necessarily attend everything and instead will pick and choose what interests them. But then you get employers who expect employees to stay for everything, and who see ducking out as early as shirking their responsibilities in some way so you not only have to spend a full day networking and attending presentations, but you also need to get in face time in the evening to bond with your team and do more networking. Some people are fine with this and even thrive on it. But for a lot of people, it’s exhausting and too much.

Some ways to explain why you won’t be at everything:

* “I get run down if I don’t get a break somewhere in here, and I want to be fully engaged at tomorrow’s sessions on X and Y.”
* “I want to be at my best in the morning, which won’t happen if I don’t get some rest tonight.”
* “Health-wise, I can’t do days this long.”
* “Energy-wise, I can’t do days this long.”
* “I can’t do days this long with no break without getting sick by the end of it.”
* “I have some things I need to take care of but I’ll see you in the morning.”
* “Enjoy it and I’ll see you tomorrow.”