‘Can You Ever Be Friends Again After Having Sex?’ 7 Nigerian Women Answer

Can you really “just be friends”? It sounds simple enough in theory: two consenting adults have sex, decide it meant nothing more, and continue being friends. But in reality, people don’t always do casual very well.

Many young Nigerians are now embracing more liberal dating practices, such as hook-ups, situationships, and friends-with-benefits, yet the emotional aftershocks still follow. You tell yourself it’s just sex until one person starts texting less, or you end up catching unwanted feelings.

For Martha, it’s all about clarity. “Both parties can be just friends after having sex,” she says. “If both parties have a mutual understanding that the sex is just that, then definitely yes. But if one of them has even the smallest romantic feelings, that’s where it gets complicated.”

When friendship meets desire

Some people believe friendship can survive anything, even sex. For Tolani, the answer is simple: “Yes, of course. Why not? Depending on both personalities and how it ended, friendship can still exist. But sex is always a possibility to happen again.”

That last line, “sex is always a possibility,” echoes something many of us would agree with. Sex, once introduced into a friendship, never completely leaves. It lingers in the background, waiting for timing, loneliness, or nostalgia to open the door again.

For Shade, the question isn’t whether friendship is possible, but whether it’s necessary. “It depends on the situation,” she says. “But for the most part, yes, I can be friends again after sex, especially if it was in a relationship. Just because things didn’t work out doesn’t mean we have to be enemies.”

It’s a mature take, but not everyone is that generous.

When society gets in the way

Boundaries sound good on paper. But in practice, not everyone respects them. Olivia, who describes herself as “too realistic to play pretend,” doesn’t believe it’s that simple.

“Yes, it can work if both parties have no romantic feelings and they respect boundaries,” she says. “But we live in a society where if you sleep with men, a majority don’t know how to keep their hands to themselves after it ends. They always think they can get you to sleep with them again.”

This, she explains, is where Okafor’s Law comes in, a popular Nigerian theory that once a man has slept with a woman, he can always do it again. It’s been normalised in conversations, and even Nollywood portrayals reinforce this belief, which gives some men a false sense of entitlement.

Olivia laughs bitterly as she adds, “That’s why I don’t bother. Maybe acquaintances, but serious friendship? I no do. If you give men an inch, they’ll take a mile. The only time I can be friends with you is if we’re still having sex. Once it ends, abeg, everybody go their way.”

The emotional aftermath

For others, it’s less about control and more about healing. Grace says it’s not even about whether friendship is possible; it’s about whether it’s healthy. “No matter how much you try to make it seem like you’ll be fine, every time you look at him, you’re reminded of the times he connived and twisted his words just to get his way with you. So no, I can’t be friends with an ex sexual partner.”

It’s a sentiment Amara also shares. “We had great chemistry, and even after sex, we tried to stay friends,” she says. “But one person always wants more. You start pretending it’s not awkward, until one day you’re avoiding each other completely. It’s like trying to unsee something you’ve already seen.”

Still, some people think it doesn’t have to be that complicated.

“Of course I can be friends with an ex I’ve slept with,” says Zainab. “But only if it wasn’t emotional sex. Once feelings enter, forget it. But if it were purely physical, no strings attached, we could just gist, hang out, no wahala. The problem is that Nigerian men attach their ego to everything. They act like sleeping with you gave them ownership. That’s where I draw the line.”

Can you ever really go back?  

It depends on who you ask and what the sex meant in the first place. But sex creates an emotional record that’s hard to erase, no matter how casual it felt in the moment.

Friendship after sex requires brutal honesty, respect, and the kind of emotional boundaries most people never actually talk about. It’s possible, yes, but it’s rarely simple.

Maybe the better question isn’t can you be friends again, but should you? Because as several of these women have learned, not every connection deserves a second season.