After Two Pregnancies, I Am Still Not Sure Of My Place In His Life

When we started dating, he was really nice. I had just completed high school and was doing odd jobs to survive. With his help, I got something more stable to do. I was happy because I was now in a position to stop asking people for help. I could take care of myself. I even started appreciating him in small ways. Although he never bought me any gifts, I always went out of my way to buy him clothes. I also lent him money every time he was down.

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A few months into the relationship he started cheating on me. I didn’t know at the time because nothing felt off in our relationship. We used to spend all our weekends together, and he often came to sleep over at my place during the week.

Our first break-up happened when he confessed that he cheated on me and contracted Syphilis. I told myself I was better off without him but after a week, I started missing him. I crawled back to him and said I had forgiven him. He told me he didn’t want a relationship anymore. “I need to spend some time with myself right now.” Yet, he was still with the other lady.

Halfway into January, he came to my house with the excuse that he wanted back the phone he had given me. Things got heated and we ended up getting intimate.

On March 1st, I found out I was pregnant.

When I told him about it he assured me he was no longer seeing the other lady. So we got back together. Only for him to tell me three weeks later that the other lady was also pregnant. I didn’t say anything. I just booked an appointment at the clinic and got rid of mine.

When I finished, he called to tell me he made her get rid of hers too. He said he was sorry I had to go through what I did and that he felt guilty. I almost believed him but guess what? Another girl showed up in April claiming to be pregnant by him. She also didn’t get to keep hers.

By June, all the chaos seemed to have settled. He told me he was no longer talking to all the other girls. It was just the two of us now. He sounded so sincere I believed him. I let my guard down and got pregnant again. This time around he asked me to move in with him. We’ve been living together since.

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We’ve been peaceful. We’ve been happy. Everything seemed okay until I went through his phone last night. He is still talking to the first girl he cheated on me with.

I confronted him and he claims they are just friends. Honestly, I didn’t find anything shady in their chats. Still, I feel betrayed. I only agreed to get back together with him when he promised he had cut all ties with everyone in his past. So why is he secretly keeping in touch with one of them?

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Now, he says he only talks to her out of guilt because he forced her to remove the pregnancy when she didn’t want to. I want to understand his reasons but her very presence in his life makes me feel insecure.

Am I wrong for not wanting him to talk to her? The way my emotions are all over the place, I just want to get rid of this one I am carrying and walk away from him for the sake of my peace of mind.

—Bea

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