7 First Kiss Mistakes to Avoid, According to Experts

“The first kiss is like the opening line of a novel,” says Deon Black, a certified sex educator and dating coach, and founder of LetsTalkSex. “It sets the tone.”

Aura De Los Santos, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert at E-Health Project, notes that the first kiss is often considered a crucial moment because it allows you to assess your chemistry and compatibility with someone.

Not only that, but Sophie Cress, a licensed marriage and family therapist and relationship expert at SexualAlpha, adds that a first kiss can serve as a milestone — marking the shift from friendship to romance.

“We are raised on stories and media that portray the first kiss as a magical, transformative moment, creating a sense of anticipation that further amplifies its importance,” she adds.

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Kissing is highly personal — so, of course, what sends sparks flying for one person may be a total turn-off for another. That said, if you want to make a stellar first impression, experts agree that all daters should avoid the following universal kissing mistakes:

7 First-Kiss Mistakes to Avoid

1. Forcing It Too Soon

Feeling a little too eager to lock lips is understandable, especially if you’re really hitting it off — but resist the urge to act on it too early in the date, says De Los Santos. Getting carried away by impulsivity can end up backfiring on you when it feels forced or unnatural.

“A hurried smooch can feel forced and unromantic — like you're trying to beat a traffic light,” adds Black. “Instead, slow down and savor the moment. Make it deliberate.”

So, when is the right time? There’s no exact formula here. Kissing on your date’s doorstep at the end of the night, or right before parting ways is a common move, but that doesn’t mean a kiss during the date itself is out of the question.

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For example, if you’re leaving a restaurant to find a bar for after-dinner drinks, you might consider going in for a kiss on your walk over. However, this is highly contextual, and if the other person isn’t giving you serious signals or hints, it’s probably best to wait until later in the date. 

That lets you properly build some anticipation. 

“The build-up to a kiss is almost as important as the act itself,” says Black.

Think of it this way: If you let the excitement steadily grow, the pay-off — that first kiss — will be all the more satisfying. Conversely, Black says if you try to lay one on your date before laying the groundwork for it, the kiss is bound to feel abrupt and awkward.

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“So, remember to create that tension with lingering glances or gentle touches first,” he tells AskMen.

2. Coming on Too Strong

When you try a food for the first time, you take a small bite to see if you like it rather than instantly devouring the whole plate. When you meet someone new, you don’t share every personal detail about your life right off the bat. A first kiss is no different: it’s about testing the waters.

“Passion is great, but a forceful or aggressive kiss can be overwhelming for your partner,” says Cress. “Start softly and pay attention to their reactions. If they seem open to a more passionate kiss, you can slowly increase the intensity, always keeping in mind their comfort level.”

One key factor here is tongue. Deep tongue kissing, aka French kissing, can be incredibly hot and passionate. But shoving your tongue down the other person’s throat the first time you lock lips is almost always a no-no.

Instead, kiss without tongue for a bit at first and let your tongue come out a little bit in an exploratory way. If they seem open to it, you can slowly introduce more tongue; if they seem to prefer closed-mouth kissing, don’t press the issue.

If at any point you sense that the other person wants to pull away, Salvatore Damiata, a dating expert and founder of Attraction Truth, says you should immediately stop kissing them.

“Intermittent kissing where you temporarily detach can leave your partner wanting more,” adds Damiata — and it also gives them an easy out if they’re not into it.

3. Using Your Teeth

Biting during a makeout is pretty divisive — for some people, it’s the ultimate foreplay that signals passion and intensity. 

For others, however, even the slightest nibble can be a real mood killer. With that in mind, De Los Santos says this isn’t something you want to test out during a first kiss.

You’re better off playing it safe with more universally enjoyed tactics — and saving those daring moves for when you and your partner are a bit more comfortable with each other.

4. Being Too Handsy

While your bodies may be focused on what's happening at face level, it may be tempting to let your hands do some talking, too. And while your hands, properly placed, can really help amp up the kiss, they can also seriously ruin the moment.

In essence, holding the other person — touching them on the arms, the shoulders, or the hips — is typically a good move in a first-kiss context. And, if the kiss session lasts for a while, they may be comfortable with you bringing your hands up to their head, putting your thumbs behind their ears so you can hold them closely while you keep kissing. 

But being too grabby too quickly can seriously backfire if groping or heavy petting isn't something your date has in mind. In essence, that becomes a violation of their consent. If they want you to start putting your hands in sexier places, whether over or under their clothes, they can let you know — but don't assume it. 

5. Ignoring the Setting

When and how you kiss your date will depend on a multitude of factors — and according to Cress, you should never forget to factor in the environment.

“A crowded, noisy, or uncomfortable setting can distract from the moment's intimacy,” she explains. “Instead, opt for a safe, quiet, and intimate environment that can enhance the experience.”

To be clear, this doesn't necessarily mean you have to be in a completely private setting. But kissing your date in the back of an Uber or while shoulder to shoulder with a throng of bar patrons is a bit dicey — especially when you don’t know how they feel about public displays of affection.

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Instead, Cress suggests leaning in for a kiss in a more intimate setting — say, on a bench in a secluded corner of a park or while strolling down a quiet street.

6. Overthinking It

It’s natural to feel a little nervous about that first kiss. 

Keep in mind, though, that overthinking the mechanics can result in a kiss that feels clumsy or kiss, says Cress.

“The primary focus of a first kiss should be the emotional connection, rather than flawless technique,” she explains. “Give your attention to the moment and the person that you are with. Allow the kiss to flow naturally from how you’re feeling.”

7. Neglecting Personal Hygiene

This should probably go without saying, but bad breath can definitely sabotage a makeout, no matter how good of a kisser you are.

“It’s important to maintain good oral hygiene,” says Cress.

Brushing, flossing and using some form of breath freshener on the day of your date is a good idea, but being consistent with these habits all the time will make you even more kissable.

Cress also advises using chapstick or lip balm to make sure your lips aren’t dry or cracked, particularly during the colder months.

Finally, there’s nothing wrong with going on a first date with beard and/or mustache — lots of people are attracted to guys with facial hair. Just make sure you’re putting in some work to groom said facial hair, like trimming, combing and/or using a beard oil, so that it’s not totally unkempt.

What to Do If Your First Kiss Falls Flat

In an ideal world, you’d dodge all of the aforementioned mistakes and leave your date clamoring for a second kiss (and a third, and a fourth).

That said, if your first kiss isn’t perfect, that’s not necessarily the end of the world.

“Even if your first smooch was more of a faux pas than a fairytale moment, there's always room for redemption,” explains Black.

Experts say it’s sometimes possible to bounce back from a botched smooch attempt by showing self-awareness. For instance, De Los Santos suggests simply explaining that your nerves got the best of you and asking for a second shot.

“Acknowledge it in a light-hearted and non-defensive way,” says Cress. “To break the ice, humor can be an excellent tool — for instance, saying: ‘Well, that did not go as I imagined in my head!’ can help relieve the tension.”

Finally, remember that it’s totally normal to have awkward moments in the initial stages of dating.

“Don't be too hard on yourself if your first kiss didn't go as planned,” adds Cress. “Try to approach the situation with grace and good humor. You might be surprised to find that your ability to bounce back can actually strengthen your connection with your date in the long run.”

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