7 behaviors that seem polite on the surface but are actually ways of avoiding conflict

Politeness is often praised, but did you know sometimes what seems like courtesy can actually be a clever way to dodge conflict?

It’s not always about good manners – occasionally, it’s more about keeping the peace. These seemingly polite behaviors often hide a deeper desire to avoid confrontation.

In this piece, I’m going to uncover 7 behaviors that might seem like niceties on the surface, but are really just strategic conflict-avoidance tactics.

Get ready to delve into the psychology of polite behavior and discover what’s really going on beneath that courteous exterior.

Let’s explore these behaviors so you can better understand your interactions and navigate your relationships with more insight.

1) Constant agreement

Everyone appreciates a little harmony in a conversation, right?

But have you ever noticed how some people seem to agree with everything you say? It’s almost as if they don’t have an opinion of their own.

While it can feel good to have someone consistently agree with you, this ‘yes’ behavior is often less about genuine agreement and more about avoiding disagreement or conflict.

This behavior is typically used as a tactic to keep the peace and prevent any possible arguments. However, it can also prevent healthy, constructive discussions from taking place.

So, next time someone seems overly agreeable, be aware – they might be using this polite behavior as a shield against potential conflict. It’s okay to have differing opinions – that’s what makes conversations interesting and allows for personal growth.

But always ensure to handle disagreements in a respectful and considerate manner.

2) Changing the subject

We’ve all been there – a conversation starts to veer into uncomfortable territory and someone swiftly changes the topic.

I recall a time when I was having a discussion with a friend about our differing political views. Just as we started to hit a point of contention, he suddenly brought up a completely unrelated topic – our plans for the weekend.

At first, I thought he was merely being scatterbrained. But as I reflected on it later, it became clear that his abrupt shift in conversation was a subtle method of avoiding conflict.

This behavior might seem polite, as it prevents the conversation from descending into an argument. However, it also stifles open and honest communication.

While it’s not always necessary to engage in heated debates, it’s essential to respect each other’s viewpoints and allow room for constructive disagreement.

Avoiding potentially conflictual topics might seem like good manners on the surface, but it’s often just an elegant way of dodging difficult conversations.

3) Apologizing excessively

Ever noticed how some people have a habit of saying ‘sorry’ for just about everything, even when it’s not their fault? This behavior might seem polite and considerate, but it’s often a way to avoid conflict.

In a research study conducted by the University of Waterloo in Canada, it was found that people who apologize excessively tend to do so because they want to avoid upsetting others, rather than because they believe they were wrong.

Apologizing for every minor inconvenience or perceived slight can be a way of sidestepping confrontation. It’s a subtle means of avoiding blame or criticism.

While it’s important to apologize when you’ve done something wrong, overdoing it can actually dilute the meaning of your apologies and could even make you appear less confident.

Next time you find yourself about to say ‘sorry’, take a moment to reflect. Are you really at fault, or are you simply trying to dodge potential conflict?

4) Avoiding eye contact

Eye contact is a powerful form of non-verbal communication. It can convey confidence, interest, and respect. However, some people deliberately avoid eye contact when they sense a conflict brewing.

This behavior might seem polite or even shy, but it’s often used as a tool to dodge uncomfortable situations. By avoiding eye contact, these individuals are signaling a desire to disengage from the conversation or situation.

Avoiding eye contact can be an effective way of preventing a conflict from escalating. However, it can also hinder meaningful communication and connection.

Remember, maintaining appropriate eye contact can foster understanding and empathy, so don’t shy away from it even when conversations get tough.

Maintaining your gaze shows that you’re ready to face potential conflicts head-on, with respect and openness.

5) Overuse of humor

Laughing matters off can be a great way to lighten the mood. But have you ever noticed how some people use humor as a deflection tool?

I remember a time when I was discussing a serious issue with a colleague. Every time I tried to steer the conversation towards resolving the issue, he would crack a joke or make a funny comment.

Initially, I thought he was just trying to keep things light-hearted. But it became clear that his humor was a strategy to deflect from the serious issue at hand.

While humor can be an excellent way to ease tension, overusing it can prevent important matters from being addressed. It’s essential to strike a balance between keeping things light and addressing serious issues when necessary.

Humor should be used to create a comfortable environment, not as a shield against potential conflicts. So, let’s ensure we’re using our laughter in the right way.

6) Being overly formal

Have you ever interacted with someone who always seems to keep things very formal and professional, even in casual settings?

This type of behavior can come across as polite and respectful. However, it can also be a strategy to maintain a certain ‘distance’ and prevent personal conflicts.

By remaining formal, these individuals can avoid getting too emotionally involved or attached. This way, they can sidestep any potential disagreements or confrontations that might arise from closer relationships.

While maintaining a level of professionalism is essential in many contexts, it’s also important to allow for some emotional connection and openness in our interactions.

A bit of vulnerability can lead to more genuine and meaningful relationships. So, don’t be afraid to let your guard down a little. Just make sure it’s in the right context and with the right people.

7) Avoiding the conversation altogether

This is perhaps the most obvious way people avoid conflict – they simply avoid the conversation.

They might ignore messages, cancel plans, or even leave the room when a potentially contentious topic comes up. While this might seem like a polite way to avoid conflict, it’s actually one of the most harmful.

Avoiding conversation not only prevents resolution but also creates a barrier to understanding and growth. It’s important to remember that conflict isn’t inherently bad.

Handled well, it can lead to personal growth, deeper relationships, and better solutions.

Don’t shy away from those tough conversations. Approach them with respect, empathy, and open-mindedness, and you might find that they’re not as scary as you think.

Final thoughts: It’s about balance

Understanding human behavior can be a complex journey. And when it comes to conflict avoidance, it’s important to remember that not all avoidance is bad.

According to renowned psychologist Dr. Robert Brooks, a certain amount of conflict avoidance can be healthy and necessary for maintaining harmonious relationships.

It becomes problematic only when it’s the consistent response to any potential disagreement.

These ‘polite’ behaviors we’ve discussed are not in themselves negative. In fact, they can often be used positively to deescalate conflicts and create a harmonious environment.

The key lies in striking a balance and not allowing these behaviors to inhibit genuine communication or personal growth.

As we navigate through our interactions, let’s be mindful of these behaviors – in ourselves and others. Let’s strive for open, honest conversations that respect differing viewpoints and allow for constructive disagreement.

After all, it’s through these conversations that we learn, grow, and foster deeper connections with those around us.

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