34 Things Guys Think About After You Sleep with Them for the First Time

Sex is a confusing topic. Are you moving too fast, or too slow? And what on earth do guys think about during and after you sleep with them? We have the answers for you.

There you are, in the throes of passion, and suddenly you’re struck by a thought: “Is he reminiscing about our time together, or is his mind wandering the streets of ancient Rome?” From “What do guys really think about during sex?” to “What’s on their mind right after sleeping with me?”, these are age-old conundrums that many of us have puzzled over.

And while he might not exactly be reflecting on the fall of The Roman Empire during the act, it wouldn’t hurt to know what’s truly going on in that enigmatic brain of his, right?

Plus, there’s always that lingering post-coital tristesse—a chic term for post-sex blues—to consider. Time to unravel these mysteries!

[Read: Why do guys distance themselves after intimacy? And how should you handle it]

The Brain and Sex: A Quick Dive

You might think that what guys think about during sex is solely in the realm of the steamy, passionate, or maybe even the random *like, “Did I leave the oven on?”*. However, there’s a whole cocktail of chemicals playing puppeteer behind those thoughts.

1. The role of oxytocin and vasopressin

Remember that overwhelming feeling of wanting to cuddle after an intimate moment? That’s oxytocin, often dubbed the “cuddle hormone”, doing its magic.

When a guy is in the midst of some steamy action, or right after, this hormone surges, promoting feelings of connection and attachment.

So if he’s suddenly all about the snuggles and feels more connected to you after the deed, you’ve got oxytocin *and its buddy vasopressin* to thank. [Read: Chemistry of love – how hormones make you feel love the way you do]

2. Dopamine’s dash

If he seems to be in his own world of bliss during the act, lost in the pleasure of the moment—that’s dopamine doing its thing. Dopamine is like that friend who throws the best parties, it’s all about pleasure and reward.

So when you catch that dazed look on his face, understand that it’s this chemical making him feel on top of the world, even if his next thought borders on the lines of, “Wow, this feels amazing!” [Read: 34 passionate signs he’s making love to you and not just having sex]

3. The refractory period

Now, this is an interesting one. Ever noticed how after an intense session, he just wants to nap or seems momentarily detached?

This is the refractory period in action. It’s essentially the brain and body telling him, “Alright, champ. Take a breather.” In scientific terms, it’s a physiological response that makes him need a little downtime post-climax.

So if you’ve ever wondered what guys think about after sleeping with you, sometimes it’s just a simple, “I need a moment to recharge.” [Read: Why do guys distance themselves after intimacy? And what you need to do about it]

What’s on His Mind DURING the Deed

Before we delve into the post-coital conundrums, it’s essential to first address the burning question: what do guys think about during sex?

The mind is a labyrinth, especially in moments of intimacy. So, let’s peek into a few probable corridors of his thoughts:

1. “Am I doing it right?”

Performance anxiety isn’t just for the stage. Many men, regardless of experience, may often wonder if they’re hitting the right notes in the bedroom symphony. This stems from a desire to please their partner and ensure they’re having as good a time as he is.

Even in the height of passion, these thoughts can creep in, momentarily breaking the rhythm, all in the pursuit of mutual satisfaction. [Read: Sexual anxiety – 25 secrets to not feel nervous about having sex and enjoy it]

2. “This feels both intimate and exciting.”

The dance between intimacy and eroticism is a delicate one. Drawing from Jack Morin’s erotic equation, attraction mixed with a dash of challenges creates excitement.

So, when he’s lost in thoughts about the emotional closeness while also navigating the physical thrills, it’s this balance at play. He’s appreciating the bond you share while also reveling in the electric charge of the moment.

3. “Why am I suddenly thinking about that high school blunder?”

The human mind has a funny way of darting around, even in the most intimate moments. Sometimes, as he’s living in the present, a random memory from years ago might crash the party.

It’s not so much about the memory itself, but rather how the brain occasionally seeks distraction or unintentionally shifts focus. So, if he seems momentarily distant, it’s not you—it’s just his brain taking an unexpected detour.

4. “Is she enjoying this as much as I am?”

A big part of the male psyche during intimacy is gauging the pleasure and comfort of their partner. This thought often surfaces because he genuinely cares about mutual enjoyment.

He might be searching for verbal or non-verbal cues to ensure that the experience is just as pleasurable for you as it is for him. [Read: 22 signs he really enjoys having sex with you and thinks you’re AMAZING in bed]

5. “Should I switch things up or keep going?”

Change in the middle of the act can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, he wants to keep the rhythm if things are going well, but on the other, he wonders if introducing something new would heighten the pleasure.

This mental debate that guys often think about during sex is a juggle between comfort and exploration. [Read: How to pleasure a woman – 19 subtle things every girl craves in bed]

6. “I hope I can keep up the pace.”

Stamina and endurance can weigh on his mind, especially if he’s eager to ensure the experience lasts and is enjoyable for both.

This thought might lead him to mentally strategize or find ways to distract himself just enough to prolong the experience.

7. “Wow, she looks incredible!”

Sometimes, in the thick of it, he’s just awestruck by the beauty and allure of his partner. This appreciation is a mix of physical attraction and deep emotional connection, making him feel lucky and grateful for the intimate moment.

In other words, what do guys think about during sex? You! [Read: 24 sexy signs he thinks you’re hot and finds you incredibly attractive]

8. “Don’t come too soon!”

Ah, the age-old concern of many men! Timing is crucial, and he might be putting pressure on himself to ensure he doesn’t conclude the act prematurely.

This thought might circle back to performance anxiety, emphasizing his desire to make the moment memorable for both. [Read: Male orgasm – How it works and what men feel during and after ejaculation]

9. “Her body feels amazing.”

Physical touch and the sensation of skin against skin can evoke this genuine appreciation. Every curve, every contour might be silently celebrated as he touches or caresses during intimacy.

10. “Those lips are irresistible.”

Whether it’s about kissing or just admiring, the allure of lips can be quite captivating. He might be thinking about how soft they feel or how they taste, making him want to pull in for another kiss.

11. “Her boobs are so sexy.”

Yep, let’s admit it, many guys are enamored by breasts. Whether it’s their shape, size, or the way they move, they can be quite the focal point during intimate moments.

And this thought is a simple acknowledgment of that admiration. [Read: Why men like boobs – the psychology and 30 reasons why guys love breasts]

12. “I love the way she sounds.”

The soft moans, the sighs, the whispers—auditory cues can be incredibly arousing. He might purely be thinking about the sounds you make during sex, taking them as positive feedback and getting even more turned on. [Read: How to moan and look and sound sexy AF while making out with a guy]

13. “Her hair feels so good in my hands.”

For some, there’s something incredibly sensual about the texture and flow of hair. Whether he’s running his fingers through it or gripping it lightly, he’s marveling at how it feels.

14. “I can’t believe we’re doing this position!”

Trying something new or adventurous? He might be having a mini-celebration in his mind, appreciating the novelty and the shared experience!

Most of the time you don’t have to worry about what a guy is thinking about during sex because it’s often about what you’re doing. [Read: 18 sensuous and spicy sex positions from the easy classics to the adventurous]

What Do Guys Think After You Sleep With Them?

After the deed, his actions may be more confusing than reassuring. Or maybe he’s not acting any differently, but you just can’t stop yourself from worrying about what he’s thinking.

Either way, knowing what a guy is thinking about after you sleep with them can take a huge weight off your mind and let you know where the two of you stand.

While we can’t claim to be mindreaders, here are the most common thoughts that run through men’s minds post-coitus:

1. They just can’t believe how lucky they are

Firstly, most guys are pretty happy about the fact that they got you into bed. That’s always going to be the first thing they think. “I can’t believe how lucky I am!”—that’s basically all men think about after sex!

You might be panicking that they’re judging you, but that’s quite unlikely to be in their mind at this point, or if ever. So, with that in mind, we should all chill out a little and enjoy the moment more! [Read: 22 playful ways to make sex more fun and interesting when it’s boring and lame]

2. They panic about whether you want a commitment or not

Rather unsurprisingly, the second most common thought guys have after sex is panic that having slept with you once, you’re going to want a full-on commitment and relationship.

Of course, that’s probably not the case. Maybe you just wanted a good time for yourself, or maybe you’re happy to see how things go. [Read: Meaningless sex – what it is, how to have it, and 16 signs you’re ready for it]

They don’t see that side of it, and there is a fear that you’re going to want more than they’re ready for. That doesn’t mean that they’re never going to be ready, but if a commitment is what you want, give them a few more weeks!

3. They wonder if you enjoyed yourself

When you think about what guys think after you sleep with them, do you imagine them being as worried about your experience as you are about theirs?

Oftentimes, men ask themselves a myriad of questions: Did she enjoy it? Did she come? Was she impressed?

The guy is likely to be completely preoccupied with wondering whether you enjoyed yourself because that reflects directly on his skills between the sheets!

The fact that he’s wondering whether you liked it or not is a good thing because at least it shows that he’s keen to give you pleasure too. Some guys aren’t so bothered about this! [Read: How to be a perfect tease and keep a guy completely hooked after having sex with him]

4. They wonder if you’ll tell your friends and how complimentary you’ll be

Is she going to tell her friends? What will she say? Again, a lot of guys’ thoughts after sleeping with you are preoccupied with paranoia about whether you liked it and what you’re going to tell your friends.

So, if you’re wondering what guys think after you sleep with them, it’s probably more about his pride and performance than anything else. [Read: 46 subtle questions and signs to know a man will be really good in bed]

5. They probably don’t make as big a deal of it as you do

Reality check here. Yes, sex is a big deal to guys but probably not in the same way as you. You might dream about the beginning of something special and spend the rest of the following days thinking back over what happened. But your guy probably isn’t quite so obsessed with it.

Yes, they’re obsessed with what you thought and how they did, but they’re probably not making the same deal out of it as you. [Read: 38 secrets to stop overthinking, what it looks like, signs, and the fastest fixes] 

6. They’re not at all bothered about your reputation

If you slept with him quickly, e.g. after the first or second date, you might be worried that he thinks you’re easy.

Of course, we all know that women are allowed to do whatever they want with their sexuality. It doesn’t mean a thing, but that won’t necessarily stop you from worrying about what the guy thinks.

If you want some good news, what guys think about after you sleep with them has zero to do with your reputation. He doesn’t care. He’s just over the moon that he scored!

7. They really aren’t thinking about your stretch marks or lumpy bits

More good news is coming your way! Men really don’t care at all about the bodily imperfections you stress about.

Again, they’re just happy that you chose them and got to enjoy themselves with a wonderful woman. So, your body hangups really are in your own head. [Read: Turn offs for guys – 72 physical, dating, and sexual put offs all men notice and dislike]

8. They’re wondering if you’re thinking about someone else

Guys can be insecure sometimes too you know! He’s wondering whether you’re thinking about your ex or someone else that you have your eye on whilst you’re in bed with him.

Of course, he wants you to be thinking of only him, but he can’t help but wonder whether your mind is elsewhere.

The best way to reassure him? Moan his name a few times and that should let him know that the only person you’re thinking of right at that moment is him.

9. They want to tell their friends

Sorry, but it’s true! You might think that girls are the only ones who gossip, but you’re wrong! Guys gossip too, they just gossip about different things. When a guy sleeps with someone, they want to tell their friends and brag about their ability to score.

The good news? They probably won’t reveal your identity.

10. They’re wondering whether to ask you to try something freaky

Guys have fantasies too and they’re questioning whether it’s a good idea to mention something they want to try or not. They’re trying to figure out whether you look like you’d be up for something different or not. [Read: Top 50 kinky sex ideas worth trying at least once in your lifetime]

11. They’re busy patting themselves on the back

If you’re busy worrying that he’s judging you for sleeping with him on the first date or whatever date it is, the chances are slim.

The reason? He’s far too busy patting himself on the back for a job well done and he can’t quite believe that he actually managed to get you into bed. Even the most seemingly arrogant guys out there still give themselves a congratulatory nod after they’ve done the deed.

12. They’re wondering whether you had an orgasm

Some guys just assume that they have the sexual prowess to make their partner orgasm ten times a night. However, most guys are a little more down-to-earth than that.

He’s probably wondering whether you got yours or not and how many times. He might even think back over it a few times to try and identify when the sweet spot might have happened! [Read: 57 signs, whys, and ways to tell if she’s faking an orgasm or really coming]

13. They’re wondering whether they should stay over or leave

If he’s at yours, he’s probably obsessing over whether he should just sleep there and wake up with you or whether he should leave. He’s also wondering how he can do that without appearing rude.

If you’re at his, he’s probably deciding whether it’s a good idea for you to stay or not. If you’re both somewhere else, well, he’s probably confused about what to do next!

14. They’re wondering whether they came too fast or not

Some guys can’t hold it in when they’re with someone new and exciting. He’s probably panicking about whether he came too fast or not and what you thought about it.

This is probably the number one thing that guys think about after sleeping with someone so it’s bound to pop into his mind. [Read: How to last longer in bed – 34 sex secrets for men to go long and hard]

15. They’re suddenly wondering about safe sex

Yes, this should be something everyone worries about beforehand, but whether you were 100% safe or not, he’s going over it and just checking in his mind that nothing could have gone wrong.

Did the condom split? Are you on the pill? Is there anything that could get either of you into trouble here? Let’s hope you were both responsible and none of this is a problem!

16. They’re wondering when it’s acceptable to jump in the shower

Basically, guys don’t like being sticky and sweaty after sex so he’s probably wondering how long is an acceptable amount of time to get up and go for a shower without offending you.

Of course, it might be that you’re thinking the same. Maybe you could share the shower?

17. They’re wondering when they can do it again!

Truthfully? They’re probably wondering when they can do it again. Sex to a guy is fun and enjoyable. It’s not quite as heavy as women make it out to be.

Sure, be careful and responsible. But when you tick those boxes, isn’t sex just fun-filled and a generally happy time? [Read: One night stand – what it means, 57 secrets to have one, and must-know rules]

Do You Panic About A Guy’s Thoughts After Sex?

We panic so much about what people think. When you get into bed with someone, you panic even more about everything. “Do they think I’m easy? What does he think about my thighs? Is he looking at my stomach?”

But just know that none of these things are in his head—he’s just completely over the moon that he’s actually having sex in the first place! [Read: 20 sexy ways to tell a guy you want to have sex with him and not feel slutty]

Perhaps that means we should all lighten up a little and actually enjoy the moment. Let’s be honest, so many hang-ups and worries can spoil what should be a carefree and enjoyable time. We become so stressed that we don’t enjoy it at all.

Sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable *when done responsibly, of course*. But we’re all too busy overthinking it. But from what you can see in this feature, men aren’t actually thinking about anything other than how great it is, so maybe you should do the same!

[Read: Getting rid of sexual insecurity for a better sex life]

More Often Than Not, He’s Genuinely Awed

The “during” phase is a cocktail of admiration, intrigue, and sometimes the odd, out-of-place thought. But, post-intimacy, if the thought, “Is he assessing our time together?” crosses your mind, pause and cut him some slack.

More often than not, he’s genuinely awed. During the act, he might’ve been captivated by your beauty, your responses, and the essence of the moment.

And afterward? Instead of picking apart every nuance, he’s likely marveling at the shared experience, perhaps even wondering, “How did I get so lucky to share that moment with someone as amazing as her?”

[Read: Sexual intimacy – the meaning, 20 signs you’re losing it, and secrets to grow it]

Let’s give men their due. What do guys think after you sleep with them? He’s probably not in critique mode but is more in a space of thankfulness, astonishment, and reflection. So, when doubts creep in, remember: just like you, he’s attempting to decode the intricate dance of emotions, vulnerability, and desire.

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