Why Is It So Hard for Parents to Extend Grace to Themselves?

Creating a Relational Wedge

What’s ironic for the parent is we run and hide from their shame and let it drive a wedge between them and their heavenly Father in a way that we would never let happen between us and our kids. If our kids make mistakes, we don’t respond to them by saying, Hey, I saw that. I saw what you did. You should take that away from me. Go run and hide that from me. I don’t want to see that again.

We would invite them closer. We would invite them to repent. We would invite them to do better, but we wouldn’t let it drive a wedge between us. We’d be quick to extend them grace. I want to forgive my kids, and I want something better from them. And so as parents, when we refuse to extend grace to ourselves, we actually look at God and say, Actually, you might be wrong about me. I’m not worthy of your grace, and therefore do not apply your grace to me.

When we hold onto a grudge that the Lord would forgive us of, we declare to the heavenly Father, who knows everything, that he’s wrong.

No one is ever right to look at God and say, You’re wrong about me.

And so when God looks at us and says, No, you’re free, and in your faith, you please me, there’s a beautiful freedom that, and so in refusing to believe, we miss out on something really beautiful.

I understand why we hold onto it. It feels like we can be in control. It feels like we can control our circumstances. It feels like we know better than the Father. It feels like that’s the original sin, where Eve says, What if I just knew what the Father knew? Wouldn’t I be better?

The truth is no. God is God. I am not. It’s best to let him be God, to know he’s God, and to rest in the fact that his grace applied to me would set me free. His grace is so much more beautiful than we give him credit for.

We get a glimpse of it as parents when we get to apply it to our children and realize how free we are, ready to forgive our kids. How much do I desire a reconciled relationship when we sin against each other? And how much more so must my perfect heavenly Father be able to extend grace and love to me and set me free?

Adam Griffin is the author of Good News for Parents: How God Can Restore Our Joy and Relieve Our Burdens.

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