Why Don’t We Talk About Sexual Desire Among Christian Singles?

I’m a 37-year-old single woman. Somehow, I’ve been able to handle the internal and social pressures of not being married at my age. I’ve made peace with where I am in life, or at least I’m trying to.

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What I’m struggling with is something nobody wants to talk about: the desire for emotional and physical intimacy.

My ovulation periods are difficult times for me. I’m constantly dealing with intense sexual urges, and it frustrates me deeply. Sometimes I touch myself just to make the urge go away, but it’s hardly enough. I don’t want to use objects because I’m afraid it might create problems for me if marriage comes. What if I become dependent on them? What if I can’t enjoy intimacy with a real person?

I’m a Christian woman. I’ve avoided sex outside marriage all this while. Even outside of religious reasons, I can’t bring myself to be sexually intimate with someone I haven’t built that level of connection with. My faith and my values matter to me.

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I hear a lot of sermons about sexual purity, mostly directed toward young people. But nothing about how people like me should deal with these strong sexual urges. People I speak to, including pastors and men of God, can’t help with anything practical. I feel like they can’t relate, so I keep quiet and suffer alone.

They say masturbation is a sin.  But if that’s true, what are we supposed to do with these very real, very human urges? Why is no one talking about this? Where is the space for women like me to find guidance that honours both biology and belief? So what should we do? Just suffer in silence? Pray it away and hope it works? Get married to the first person who shows interest just to have a “legitimate” outlet?

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I’m not asking for permission to sin. I’m asking for honesty, for empathy, and for practical wisdom. Because holiness doesn’t mean numbness. And purity shouldn’t feel like punishment.

—Hannah

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