Why Dating Apps Can Make You Feel Lonelier Than Ever

No, it’s not just you: In a sea of online dating profiles and potential matches, it’s possible to feel lonelier than ever while using dating apps. “On one hand, it's super easy to meet loads of people, but on the other, it can feel kind of lonely and disconnected. It's weird how swiping through profiles, trying to find that 'perfect match,' can actually make us feel unseen and unsatisfied,” says Dr. Brooke Keels, chief clinical officer at Lighthouse Recovery. Nearly 4 in 5 people aged 18-54 experience some level of emotional fatigue or burnout when dating online, according to a Singles Reports study. Moreover, men are more likely than women to experience those feelings often. RELATED: How to Make Online Dating Work for You Knowing that others share your struggles may be comforting. But it still doesn’t address the core of the issue: How can dating apps breed so much disconnect while simultaneously providing so many opportunities to connect? Here’s what you need to know – and what you can do if swiping has you feeling lonely. 5 Reasons Dating Apps Can Make You Feel Lonely Online Dating Can Feel Superficial At first, online dating is full of promise. “Dating apps can give the impression of limitless matches, potential partner similarity, and the ability to connect from the comfort of your home,” says Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford. However, it’s easy for frustration and confusion to creep in with every swipe. First, there’s the focus on physical appearance. In real life, looks may also be one of the first things that you notice about someone and vice-versa. RELATED: How to Have Dating Success No Matter What You Look Like There’s nothing wrong with that per se, but when you’re mindlessly looking at dozens of different faces in the span of minutes, it can start feeling superficial. It Can Be Hard to Foster Authenticity It can also be difficult to get a sense of someone’s real vibe – or convey yours – online. Context can get lost when you’re reading profile descriptions and exchanging DMs. RELATED: Common Mistakes Guys Make Sending Dating Messages “Online dating profiles can be misleading, missing cues like facial expressions, body language, and genuine comments — not catchphrases generated by an app,” says Dr. Bates-Duford. “It can be hard to gauge authenticity and sincerity.” Some people even lie on their profile. There’s pressure to present yourself in a certain way, which can further erode authenticity. And since authenticity is the backbone of meaningful connection, using apps can leave you feeling empty. Getting Matches Can Be a Challenge Plus, if you’re a heterosexual man, getting matches can be a challenge. “Men and women simply swipe differently,” says Kristian Boe, founder of Swipestats.io. “While men swipe right on about 35% of profiles, women only swipe right on about 2.5% of profiles. So if you're not in the top 20% of profiles as a man, you basically get zero action, which contributes to frustration.” RELATED: Why Women Have Higher Standards in Dating Men Are More Likely to Experience Loneliness Generally As Bates-Duford notes, loneliness is not the physical state of being alone, but the emotional feeling and/or state of being alone. “Loneliness involves a lack of deep and satisfying relationships, connection, and negative quality of existing relationships,” she explains. “Dating apps can exacerbate feelings of loneliness, as it often takes an extended period of time to build relationships with someone you meet online.” Unfortunately, men are more likely to experience social isolation and a lack of quality relationships in the first place. Recent research shows that men’s social circles are shrinking, and it’s worse for younger men. According to an American Perspectives Survey, over one in four men under the age of 30 reported having no close social connections. So, if you turn to dating apps because you crave connection in general, you may quickly end up feeling lonely. RELATED: The Importance of Close Friendships for Men Real Connection Takes Time Even if you’re meeting plenty of people, it doesn’t mean that you’re going to connect with them on a deeper level. “When you dive into online dating, the real challenge isn't just about finding someone,” says Keels. “It's about finding real, meaningful connections that go beyond just chatting online.” RELATED: The Difference Between Attraction & Compatibility “It feels like there's this silent struggle with feeling lonely, especially with all the pressure from society to seem always connected and totally in control,” she adds. “But what we're really after is someone who gets us, someone we can share true intimacy and understanding with.” 5 Tips to Counter Dating App-Induced Loneliness While online dating comes with downsides and frustrations, it can still lead to positive experiences. There are ways to enjoy using apps and replace pangs of loneliness with more hopeful feelings. Here are a few tips: Separate Your Self-Worth From Outcomes “I wish men knew how to separate their dating app results from their self-worth,” says Boe. In order to do this, it’s important to adjust your mindset. Are you hoping to get matches for a boost of validation? If so, a lack of matches will get you down. RELATED: How to Get More Right Swipes on Dating Apps However, being open to exploring whether there’s mutual interest without taking things personally will lead to a more satisfying online dating experience. Take Breaks As Needed Sometimes you just need to take a step back. “Taking a break from the thing that makes you feel lonely does help,” adds Boe. RELATED: How to Handle Online Dating Burnout You can’t combat dating app fatigue by forcing yourself to try again and again. It’s usually a sign to shift gears and tend to your emotional needs in other ways. Talk to People in Real Life This may sound like a crazy idea, but try talking to people in real life. “Attend social groups, speed dating, start up a conversation with someone interesting, go out with friends, and go to places where people you may be interested in will be,” says Bates-Duford. RELATED: How to Chat Up Attractive Women in Person Even if it doesn’t lead anywhere, it may well help you feel more connected than looking at your screen. Engage in Self-Reflection If you’re feeling lonely, it’s a good time to check in with yourself. What do you value? What are you looking for in your romantic life? Do you feel satisfied with your other relationships? “Doing some self-reflection to figure out what we really want and need can help us create more meaningful connections, both on and offline,” says Keels. Embrace Vulnerability Being vulnerable can be scary, but it can also lead to more meaningful interactions. So, try showing more of who you are while dating. It won’t guarantee that everyone you meet on apps will be genuine, but it will increase your chances of experiencing genuine connection. Finally, if you feel chronically lonely, you may want to try opening up to a trusted friend or professional. It’s more common than you think, and talking about it is one of the best things you can do to combat isolation. You Might Also Dig: Ways to Meet Women Outside of Bars & ClubsDating Tips for Shy Guys Why Dating Sucks, Revealed