updates: employee gets special privileges because she’s dating an NBA player, and more

Here are three updates from past letter-writers. 1. Employee gets special privileges because she’s dating an NBA player I didn’t have time to go to my manager regarding your advice because days after your response was posted, Cersei’s boyfriend broke up with her. As a side note, she lived with him in his very nice […] The post updates: employee gets special privileges because she’s dating an NBA player, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

Here are three updates from past letter-writers.

1. Employee gets special privileges because she’s dating an NBA player

I didn’t have time to go to my manager regarding your advice because days after your response was posted, Cersei’s boyfriend broke up with her. As a side note, she lived with him in his very nice house. So I imagine it was a very painful breakup and was further complicated by the logistics of having to move out.

Morale has slightly lifted but not by much because of the anticipation that special treatment for Cersei will manifest in a different way. It certainly leaves a bad taste in your mouth to know that her summer WFH status stopped because her relationship imploded, not because the executives realized how unfair it was.

A week ago, I discussed with my boss that we almost lost three people because of this. I mentioned that we need to avoid this happening in the future, with Cersei or anyone else, and with WFH or anything else that could be deemed as special treatment. He agreed it was in poor taste of the executive team, but didn’t think much could be done. Unfortunately, companies like mine don’t care about high turnover. Losing seasoned employees doesn’t faze them one bit. They just shrug their shoulders and attempt to hire replacements as quickly as possible. I am currently planning my exit. As you can imagine, this is one of several issues at my workplace.

To clear up some confusion from the comment section — pro athletes have a couple months off during the summer. Since her boyfriend is not from the city of his NBA team, he would often go to his hometown during his time off. Cersei was granted the ability to WFH so she could travel with him during this time.

2. Can I learn to thrive under a hyper-critical boss?

First of all, thank you so much for responding to my letter so quickly. I was really in the pits of despair. I took screenshots of a number of the comments and used them as (sometimes daily) reminders. Some things that really helped, based on commenter suggestions:
– focused on “my best work” instead of “make Jane happy”
– changed my delivery method to Jane — I looked at how she communicated to her boss and copied that
– continuous reminders to myself that this is a Jane problem, not a me problem, which helped me to separate her extreme criticism from my actual performance

Things also improved in part because once the division grew, her intensity was spread out over more people, projects and funders. From my vantage point, her style is the same, and it definitely impacts those around her.

When Jane became too busy to micromanage me, things got so much better. The work remained rigorous and complex, and I can now look back on the past few years and see a clear upward trajectory in my skills and level of responsibility, even if that responsibility was begrudgingly given.

I am very aware that I have picked up on some of Jane’s style, and am continually monitoring myself to make sure I’m not sacrificing kindness and flexibility for efficiency or “being right.”

Thanks again to Alison and all of the commenters. I read this blog regularly and recommend it to anyone I come across with work questions or struggles. It has helped me through so many workplace interactions that require leadership, compassion, communication and consistency.

3. Quitting my job while my manager is on vacation (#5 at the link)

Turns out you were right, I did get the offer and it did take longer than expected (it was three weeks after I sent that question!), so the timing worked out fine after all. That’s good, since my boss’s boss was also on vacation, and I would’ve felt a little silly going higher up than that! But it’s good to know most reasonable places are going to also be reasonably flexible about when I can give an answer.

I’m on my second week at the new place, and it’s better than my old job in every way imaginable. I used a ton of your advice to help me through the entire interview process, so thank you again for everything you do! It’s much appreciated.

The post updates: employee gets special privileges because she’s dating an NBA player, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

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