update: employees are being cruel to a gross coworker

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Remember the letter-writer whose employees were being cruel to a gross coworker? Here’s the update.

I fear this won’t be a very satisfying update.

As I sat at my desk and read your email asking about an update, I took a few moments to look up from my screen and across the office to watch Meredith. Within those few seconds, I saw her pick a scab off her face and eat it.

So yeah.

I had my first conversation with Meredith months ago. Our job is one that exposes us to food, biological material, and chemicals, so at the suggestion of my boss’s boss I approached it from that angle. I pulled Meredith aside and basically said, “I’m not sure you are aware you’re doing this, but sometimes you put your fingers in your nose or pick at your skin. I wanted to flag for you the health hazard that can pose based on us needing to work around foods, chemicals and so closely with other people. Maybe if you find you are needing to do something like that you can excuse yourself to the bathroom.” This poor woman. She simply nodded and said a quick “okay, yeah” and looked like she was mortified and like she had been caught.

I’m sure this is something she has struggled with for a long time and I am sympathetic to that. But I need to have another conversation with her where I lay out that it continues to happen and will likely damage her relationships with her coworkers. I’ve just been putting it off.. because … well this whole situation is terrible. But my boss also said there isn’t really much else we can do about it after this next conversation because “there isn’t a rule against eating your boogers or scabs.”

Now for the other part of the equation: the other employees. My boss sat down with each person individually and said that speaking about a coworker in that way wasn’t acceptable and if they had a concern they needed to bring it to us, and insofar as I can tell that has worked.

However, Angela continued to be a problem in other ways. Other staff were having frustrations because she constantly would blow up at people at work in stressful situations. People felt like they had to walk on eggshells around her. I had many one-on-ones with her where I told her that the behavior wasn’t acceptable, and she was remorseful but also frustrated. She viewed her angry outbursts as justified because others didn’t meet her work standards and said that other people were bullying her by icing her out. Which they were because they were scared of her outbursts. She said I wasn’t allowed to “police her feelings.” I said the feelings weren’t the problem, it was the behavior. She said she didn’t feel like this team was a good fit for her. She started looking for other jobs and my boss told everyone to basically ignore her so I wasn’t allowed to continue towards any kind of actual consequence for the behaviors. She found another job and doesn’t keep in touch.

You’d think that with Angela gone, things would be better, but they’re not. New issues with staff interpersonal dynamics have continued to pop up constantly. I feel like I’m being asked to constantly put out fires without water and simultaneously being told the fires are my fault. All in all, I’ve been pretty unhappy at work this year.

The post update: employees are being cruel to a gross coworker appeared first on Ask a Manager.