True Life Story: Our Marriage Separated Two Years Ago But My Husband Refused To Grant A Divorce

True Life Story: Our Marriage Separated Two Years Ago But My Husband Refused To Grant A Divorce

Dear Lively Stones,

Please I need your advice on this issue. I met my husband about seven years ago but we have been separated for almost two years. When I met him, he was a broke single dad with a 2 year old son. The mother of the boy left him cos she got married to someone else who was richer. Ever since I met my husband, its not been easy financially. Infact, my family discouraged me from marrying him cos he was not financially stable. He is a painter and collects contracts to paint peoples estate or buildings, the money was really never adequate but I fell in love with him cos I thought he was a good and honest man.

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Due to the fact that I know I can work, I never really bothered about the financial situation but after we got married, my husband became conscious that he married a good looking woman who many wondered how he was able to get me. The many comments people made about our marriage, made him become suspicious of my every move. I don’t blame him…I am a well endowed woman and I work hard and if I dont tell you, you will think my husband was taking good care of us but I work hard to grow my okrika business.

However, after that covid year, my business began to go down, price of dollars affecting everything, importing okrika market was not as it used to be. So my husband convinced me to open a restaurant in one of these estates. I spent heavy money on renting a shop and setting up but the food business was not moving much. I was making sales but my customers were always buying on credit and my family was feeding off my shop too.

The many male customers at the shop made my husband upset cos whenever he sees men coming to my shop, he gets jealous. I wont lie, men and yansh are like flies to sugar. I had to cover up most times like a muslim cos my husband felt insecure by the male attention around me. Worse, some of his friends were coming after me. I reported one of them to him, instead of him to talk to the friend, he said I should shut down the shop. For the sake of peace, I shut down the shop and started doing POS in 2022.

My husband got an accident in that late 2022….we spent all we had treating him until there was nothing again, we had to take him home for local treatment. My husband wanted me to stay back in the village with him but that would not be good for the family cos its in Lagos we can hustle to keep family alive. I left for Lagos and have been sending money to my husband from the city. I visit as often as I can.

My husband got better but refused to come back to Lagos. He instead insisted I return. By this time, I was making enough money to cater for the family and there was no way I can make that kind of money in the village. Since I refused to return, my husband took another wife in the village. That really broke my heart. I cried and cried. Everyone said to return to him in the village but as I was thinking about it, I heard the wife was pregnant, that made me change my mind and instead, I asked him if he wants a divorce, he said no. My family also did not support my divorce.

So since 2022, my husband has been in the village…we only see him when I travel for December with the kids including his own son from his ex that is being raised by me with my own children. Its been two years….this long distance marriage is not ok for me….I am lonely here in Lagos and need a man in my life. Men tend to want to take advantage when they see a woman without a husband. Something terrible happened to me.

I asked my family to return my bride price so we can move on with my life. My husband has told everyone that its because I am sleeping with men in Lagos, that is why I don’t want to come back to the village with him. My husband’s family is saying before they can collect the bride price, I must come back home to swear that I did not sleep with any man since my husband left Lagos. I would have not minded to swear but one of my husband’s friend r@ped me in March of this year. Yes, he did…I never told anyone cos I did not want my husband to know…he would not believe I was r@ped….because he already told me to return back to the village and I refused.

In March last year, I had borrowed this man, who pretended to be a good friend to my husband, I respected him…so I borrowed him 100k from my business and he promised to pay a week later but he later kept giving excuses. After many promises, he told me to come collect the money in his office. I went and he offered me a drink which I believe I did not know that he has spiked, I did not remember anything that happened but as I gained consciousness, I felt a sharp head ache…I knew this man had his way with me.

In horror, I asked him why, he said he knew I needed a man to handle me since my husband was not around…that he knows I am s3x starved…I was so scared and all I wanted to do was run away. That man has never paid me back till today, anytime I text him about the money, he ask me to come and collect it. And I know what that means, so I left the money with him.

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So going home to swear my loyalty to my husband scares me. I have not being unfaithful but a man has slept with me without my permission….No one except me and that man knows what happened. But what if that comes up if I swear?  I know I should have reported the man but I was scared people will not believe that a grown up woman with children can be r%ped. Everyone would think I actually slept with him for money, maybe the 100k I gave him was me actually begging him for money.

I want to be free if my husband, he has his new wife now…why cant I move with mine? Why must I swear my fidelity that was taken away from me? Please advise me, how do I go about this?

Anonymous

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