The Woman I Want to Marry Comes With a Past So Heavy My Mother Will Never Accept Her

I have been a Christian all my life. I played instruments, held mics, and sang songs that glorified God and caused goosebumps. I am that guy. I am the only one son and child of my mother. And she has never failed to drum into my ears, “I want you to marry a good Christian woman, like me, who would also strengthen your faith in God like I have.” Only she does not know the number of times I have struggled with my faith, struggled with the church girls she keeps pushing my way. But this one I have found, she is different, very different from what others would like for a son like me.

It all started when I met Esther some years ago in the church. When she walked forward during the altar call by the pastor, I was tucked somewhere in the church. She looked sincere and actually looked like she needed God to take the wheel from her. After the service, I collected her number, started to call and check up, and keep her in the church. My first call to her, that call marked the beginning of everything

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A few months later, it stopped being about getting her to stay in the church and fellowship. It became matters of the heart. I broke the news to her when I couldn’t contain the fire that was building in me. “I like you and want to get to know you more.” She retreated, coiled into a shell and started ignoring me, but I forged on till she broke loose.  “If you knew the real me, you’d leave me.” “Love conquers all,” I told her. “We are a new creation, all things have passed away, we are new.” That did the trick, but it didn’t prepare me for what I heard next. I was shocked first, then felt the urge to protect her at all costs.

“I was 16 when I met him. He was all I knew.He introduced me to this world. I was smoking, drinking, getting high and doing everything just to stay there. Sex was our only source of entertainment, so we did that every day and night. We wanted to come back to God but every day we postponed it, until my body and soul couldn’t live that life anymore. So I left him there in the ghetto and came here with my children..”

As she narrated her story, I kept hearing the song, “He leaves the 99 always for the one.” This was it.

We took things slowly from there, and intentionally too.

It’s been two years of absolute bliss, of walking with God and Him being the third strand in our relationship. I have never been happier to go into the house of God than now, when the love of my life is also there. Stealing necessary glances at her. Holding her hands to pray and leaving the church with her. She’s all that I want, even with the children.

I know my mom would love her, carry her like a daughter, if we left things hanging and never told the entire truth. That she, Esther, is a mother of six. That she was a drunkard, a smoker. Exactly the opposite of what she wants for her only son. She’d make a whole scene. She’d fight it, fight my love, fight her and fight everything we have.

I know my mother.

How do I explain it to my mom, that it doesn’t take anything away from the great woman she is now and will be in the future? I don’t want to be the kind of man who gave her hope and slashes it into half after so much cushioning. I don’t want to be the man the children will remember as coming into their lives to make their mother happy and them happy, and then leave again. It creates a dent in their hearts, destroys their faith in humanity, even in love.

The children are awesome. All six of them. They love me, and I love them. I don’t even understand how easy it is for me to love all of them that much at once. Never did I imagine it, but here I am.

Esther is ever ready for more kids, our own little kids. She says anything for me. But I don’t know how to explain to my African mother that her only child has a girlfriend who has 6 children plus with her background and he plans to marry her soon. Maybe before the year ends, plans are still in motion

It’s Not God’s Law For A Man To Apologize To A Woman

I know and love my mom, and I need her in my corner if I want to take this path. Only she can bless it and make it glorious for the future I see with Esther. There are lots of things to consider, I know. But doesn’t love conquer all? It surely does, doesn’t it? Even if it doesn’t, doesn’t she deserve love after all that has happened to her?

We need to find a plan to get my mother on this thread I’m taking. Help a brother out.

—Samuel

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