Signs Your Girlfriend Is Losing Interest in You

When you first starting dating, it seemed like you couldn’t get enough of each other — constantly exchanging flirtatious messages, planning fun activities regularly, and holding each other close a ton, too.

But lately, you might have noticed your partner’s been a bit more distant. Maybe you sense that they’ve been pulling away a little bit, or you just woke up one day and noticed that things were quite different than they used to be.

It could simply mean that the honeymoon period has ended. It is completely natural for relationships to lose some of their earlier passion as they go on, and shift to a more comfortable and stable period that’s not as marked by passion.

But if you’re starting to feel like your partner’s interest in you is on the verge of disappearing entirely, that can be a scary feeling. However, if you can recognize the signs that something’s up before it’s too late, that gives you a chance to fix things.

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It’s important to recognize that what you’re seeing doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t love you or want to be in the relationship anymore, and jumping to conclusions about why they’re not as invested will likely not benefit either of you.

The reality here is that there are so many uncontrollable life factors... like, say, a worldwide pandemic. A 2021 Verywell Mind survey revealed that a whopping 40% of people admitted to feeling boredom while living with their partners during the pandemic, while 28% said they felt they were spending too much time around each other.

If your relationship hasn’t exactly been thriving in the midst of an ongoing global health crisis, cut yourself some slack!

As for the first step to turning things around, you have to understand why your partner is losing interest. Keep a lookout for the following red flags, and don't forget to heed the experts’ advice for how to strengthen your connection.

She’s always busy

It’s worth noticing if your partner is able to juggle work, family obligations, hobbies, and girls’ nights only to flake on any quality time with you.

“Not only don’t you feel like a priority, but you often feel that you are being taken for granted,” explains Fran Greene, a flirting, dating, and relationship coach.

When she does finally squeeze you into her schedule, you may feel like it’s out of obligation rather than genuine excitement.

If this sounds familiar, it might be time to broach the subject directly. However, instead of coming out in attack mode, consider making an observation with a few questions. For example:

“Hey, I noticed we haven’t been getting a lot of quality time together lately and I’ve been missing that. What about you? Is there anything you’d really love to do with me?”

This opens up a healthy dialogue, giving you both the opportunity to share new ideas for how you could make the most of your time together.

She avoids alone time

Alternatively, maybe your partner only agrees to date plans that aren't one-on-one. Rather than having a romantic dinner out for two or a cozy night in watching Netflix, you find yourself constantly on double dates or hanging with her friends.

“It’s as if she won’t have a good time unless there are other people with the two of you,” says Greene.

In this case, it’s time to get to the bottom of why she’s avoiding time alone with you by asking her about it. Prepare yourself for the possibility that it could be because she’s losing interest in you, and being around other people is a buffer that helps to mask that.

She doesn't put in effort

There’s no cardinal rule that a woman has to wear makeup and heels on date night, but take note if your partner used to love getting dressed up only to prefer sweats to stilettos nowadays. Dating coach and matchmaker Stef Safran believes that could signal that she’s losing interest in you.

This is another observation you’ll want to approach lightly. Rather than accusing her of failing to make an effort, you could try hinting at something she used to do that you really appreciated. For example, try saying something like,

“I loved that way you used to wear your hair up, how come you stopped styling it like that?”

or

“Damn, I’d kill to see you in that little black dress you have. Think you could make that happen sometime?”

Make it feel more like an invitation.

Remember that relationships are a two-way street, meaning you shouldn't expect her to put an effort in if you aren’t. And while you’re on the subject of what you like, it’s a good idea to ask her if there’s anything in particular she finds attractive.

She’s not initiating sex

According to a 2012 study published in the journal BMJ Open, women are twice as likely as men to lose interest in sex while in a long-term relationship. While both sexes naturally lost some desire with age, women were more likely to lose interest in sex when living with a partner or while in a relationship lasting over a year.

RELATED: Reasons She Stopped Having Sex

However, it’s worth noting that women who found it "always easy to talk about sex" were less likely to report a lack of sexual interest.

Hormonal changes, depression/anxiety, or prescription medications could all be contributing to her lower libido. She could also just not feel sexy enough these days to initiate intimacy. However, Safran says if she stops showing any form of affection — holding hands or stealing kisses — it’s also possible that she straight up losing interest in you.

Again, the only way to know is to delicately approach the subject. Try asking her if there’s anything you could be doing more of or differently in order to get her in the mood, or have a conversation about any life stressors or other things getting in the way of her desire that you might be able to help with.

You’re doing all the planning

In an ideal relationship, you and your partner both pull your weight in terms of planning fun dates, vacations, etc. Unfortunately, you’ve started to notice that it’s all on you. Not only are you the only one putting this effort in, but she seems apprehensive about confirming plans.

“When you do make plans, it's only for the immediate future,” explains Safran. “When you try to plan things for a few months out, the response seems to be, ‘We'll see.’”

One potential reason why your partner is hesitant to make plans beyond the next week or so? They’re struggling to see a future with you. They might be feeling ambivalent about the relationship because they’re losing interest, and therefore, unsure whether they want to commit to plans that are happening months down the line. It can be a tough conversation to initiate, but in order to gain peace of mind, you may want to ask what’s preventing her to agree to future plans.

She’s not checking in as much

Every couple falls into their own rhythm where communication is concerned. Either way, if her texting and calling habits have dramatically changed, Safran says that’s a big red flag that her interest in you could be waning.

“You’re used to her contacting you with cute emoji-filled texts asking about your day,” she explains. “But now, she doesn't ask things and joke with you like she used to. 

When she does text, it’s usually merely a response to something you said, and she doesn’t ask questions or make another effort to keep the conversation going.

You’re no longer her go-to person with big news

Remember when you used to be the first person she called when something awful or terrible happened? These days, her BFF, sister, work buddy, or mom get all the big news before you do. According to Greene, this seemingly subtle change can sometimes signal a lack of interest in you.

RELATED: Signs She May Be Cheating on You

That said, she may not even realize that her actions are hurtful. In a totally non-accusatory way, you should consider sharing with her how it makes you feel when she shares significant life updates with others before you, also probing about the exact reason for this change.

Conversations are rarely, if ever, focused around your future together

She’s more than happy to make small talk about work, friends, world news, sports, and other lighthearted subjects. But when it comes to having conversations about your relationship or your future together, she tends to dodge the topic or shut down.

“When most of your conversation is about everything other than the two of you, it’s a clear sign that the attraction that brought you together is fading,” says Greene. “And it’s important to understand why your girlfriend is pulling back.”

No matter which of these behaviors you’re noticing, Greene strongly advises asking your partner what she wants out of the relationship, and if there are any changes she’d like to see.

“Perhaps your girlfriend is losing interest because she feels that you are distancing from her, so her immediate reaction is to do the same,” adds Greene. “The best thing to do is to demonstrate your interest — be complimentary, express your feelings, send a loving text for no reason, take something off her plate, or surprise her with a weekend getaway.”

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But the most important thing you can do? Listen to her when she talks. Experts agree that putting the devices away and giving your partner your full attention when they’re confiding in you will demonstrate how committed you are to making this relationship work. In doing so, you just might inspire the same dedication in return.

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